A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Ex moving to within 200 metres of me.....

  • bobsp
  • bobsp's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353059 by bobsp
Topic started by bobsp
We seperated in 2009, but rough at first, but get on well now, we have 3 boys together.

We have both moved on, and are in new relationships. I have a son with my current partner, and my ex has had no more.

I have the boys every other weekend, (3 nights, take them to school on the Mon) and the weekend I dont have them I have them in the week for a night (normally Mon nights)

We live 2-3 miles apart, which is fine. We dont get under each others feet etc, and have a good relationship, my ex and my partner get on quite well aswell. Everything is good and has been for nearly 3 years now...

I know my ex is looking at moving, and has been for a while. We live in a village, which is nice, there is a school there, park pub etc.

I got a text this morning saying they are looking to move to xxxxxxx. That is 200 metres from me and my partner.... In fact you can see the edge of our house from there, and also will be able to see when we go out and back in the car. This seems a little toooo close for comfort to me, and my partner agrees. right in the middle of the two houses is a play park, so there is not much between. The oldest (12) argues with his mum, as alot of teens do. We can forsee constant knocks etc, as its too easy to pop over to dad''s rather than sort it out. I know that sounds mean but sometimes the ex takes the easiest option, whatever that maybe.

Am I (well my partner and I) being unreasonable. She feels very uncomfortable about this. She gets on with the biys really well, and vice versa, but feels intruded to a certain extent..

Thoughts?

Thanks

  • MrsMathsisfun
  • MrsMathsisfun's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353064 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
Think I kind of agree with your partner slightly too close for comfort!!

When I first meet my partner, he lived about 200m from his ex I must admit I didnt like it. Although I have never told him that!!

  • bobsp
  • bobsp's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353066 by bobsp
Reply from bobsp
Hmmm, thanks. There is nothing I can really do though, well I dont think. When I got the text, I did reply saying thats was nice, and it is a bit close... (potting a LOL at the end)

They hate it where they are so I can understand the want to move, but so close!!!

Need to have a think..

Thakns

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353081 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
I used to live a mile from my ex. And I hated it. So I moved to a totally different part of the county. I dont see the ex now. Which is cool. But that was a long time ago and I was in a different place in my head back then. Now? I wouldnt care if she lived next door.

Thing is, you get on well with your ex. And you have all moved on. You have a baby with yr new partner. But that was then and this is now. You have changed and moved on. So what does it matter where she lives? Its better 200 M away than 200 miles. And its just for the kids anyway. If it wasnt for that, you wouldnt be talking to her. See what happens. It could all fall thru anyway. And you could be making a fuss over nothing. C.

  • bobsp
  • bobsp's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353083 by bobsp
Reply from bobsp
Marshy_ wrote:

Now? I wouldnt care if she lived next door.


Really:ohmy: :ohmy:She is your ex for a reason, which is nothing to do with me. I am all for getting on etc, the kids love it that mum and dad can get on and have a laugh sometimes now, but to live in each others pockets when you have moved on in your life. Seems like going backwards to me...



Marshy_ wrote:

It could all fall thru anyway. And you could be making a fuss over nothing. C.


Yes I will see. I have spoken to a few friends, and they all have concerns of different sorts. They all think its too close, and these are mutual friends who know us both.

Oh well...:ohmy:

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353105 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Hi,

There are several ways of looking at this.

My ex and I (and subsequently our children) lived opposite his previous ex, and his older children, for thirteen years. I don''t think any of the adults liked it (I certainly didn''t) particularly as they didn''t get on. However, it was very convenient for the children, who could pop back to mum''s whenever they had forgotten something or drop in on us for five minutes if they wanted to. When things they needed got left at our place it was easy to take them back, which was also good. Later on it was a problem for his children as they wanted more privacy from him but when they were younger I think they mainly liked it. It was very convenient for school, etc. as well. We saw his ex surprisingly little, and in fact she and I still live opposite and rarely bump into each other.

When my own parents split up they lived a couple of streets apart which really worked well for us. Again, I don''t think they often ran into each other but it was very convenient for us children as we could pop round to the other parent very easily. Now they live next door to each other with a door between the gardens. It''s usually locked but when the grandchildren visit it''s left open so that they can move between the two houses.

So to be honest, if you are getting on reasonably well, I would think it''s OK, if there is a playground between you. I think opposite is too close, but round the corner would have been fine.

That said, my ex has moved quite a way away now, and neither of my children wants him to live close. They like to keep that bit of their lives separate. However, they are teenagers, which probably makes a difference, as it did to my stepdaughters.

I would welcome the constant knocks, though. If he is already twelve you won''t get them for many more years.

Best wishes,
Sadie

  • bobsp
  • bobsp's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
31 Aug 12 #353118 by bobsp
Reply from bobsp
Hmm, I am not sure to do it for convenience is the right thing. They would be able to see who and when people pop round, when we are in and not. I pick the boys up at 7 on the Friday, for my weekend as I get home from work. If I got home 30 mins earlier, and didn''t pick them up until 7 my ex would then know that and question why I didn''t pick them up as soon as I got in, had that before a few times. There are lots of reasons I can think of as to why its just "too" close...

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11