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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Update on my sham of a life!

  • pixy
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10 Sep 12 #355057 by pixy
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Maybe one day he will realise the mistake that he is making by abandoning his family


Quite likely - but by that time you will have a brand new life. You will have got through all the awfulness and emerged the other side. And hard as it may be for you to believe this now, you won''t want him.

((()))

  • Kazzabell80
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10 Sep 12 #355058 by Kazzabell80
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Perhaps you are right Soulruler, but we seemed suited enough throughout our 17 year relationship. He also says that he still finds me attractive but just can''t live with me.

One of the other things that got to me was that he said that if we''d have stayed together he probably would have had an affair - thanks for the heads up baby x

His loss really.

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10 Sep 12 #355060 by Kazzabell80
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pixy wrote:

And hard as it may be for you to believe this now, you won''t want him.

((()))


I would so love to be able to be that strong...just don''t think that I am or ever will be.

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10 Sep 12 #355077 by taff45
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Hi Everyone

Have been following this post with interest as your situation is so similar to mine Kazzabelle. You say so much that I can relate to.

My husband did have an affair so maybe thats whats helped me move on a tiny bit more. I can relate completely to what others have said. I am beginning to see that he has to live with the consequences of his actions and I have to cut contact and stop "being there" for him.

I never thought I would say this but I am also starting to understand that our relationship wasn`t working and I am better off without him - boy thats hard to say. I know I am worth more and deserve more. Am slowly starting to heal and learn to live again. Of course it`s incredibly hard but I am determined to do it.

((((hugs)))) Kazzabelle you can do it to.

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10 Sep 12 #355081 by Shoegirl
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Truth is most here started where you are today. Hoping, praying even that the spouse would come to their senses and that it would be all ok. Thinking that maybe these people on wiki posting about how they got through the pain might have cared less than I did for their spouse and that might be why they had moved on. Thinking that I would never stop loving my husband.

To post everything about my 20 month journey would be impossible. But here''s the thing. I did get through it and get to the point that Pixy describes, where I don''t want him in my life anymore.

But it takes a lot of time and a lot of work to get there. You get through the days and somehow over time, things start to get better. Most realise that their relationship wasnt what they thought it was.

I would not make any big decisions and that includes the dogs. Let things settle down. Try and focus on what you need rather than making decisions to try and get a reaction from him.

For now. Minimise contact and take it from there. Answers come with time, you can''t force it. In the meantime, take care of you.

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10 Sep 12 #355101 by Kazzabell80
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Hi taff45 - I agree that we do have a lot of similarities and that I am starting to realise that perhaps he isn''t the man that I fell in love with all those years ago.

As much as it hurts, I have to let him go and stop being there for him also.

I know that the support that I am getting on here is helping me through bit by bit and I really appreciate it guys - just goes to show that there are some decent people out there (((hugs)))

Shoegirl - I know that most have been on my journey and I can only keep reading and posting and hope to get where you guys are mentally sooner rather than later.

I am not going to make any hasty decisions especially regarding my baby doggies :)they are helping me through this in their own little way too. Plus they love me unconditionally and none of this is their fault after all.

I will keep posting as I am sure that I will have many more dark days to come.

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11 Sep 12 #355127 by Shoegirl
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Read my thread called surviving the first few weeks. It''s listed under depression and stress.

It takes a long time to be really ok after separation. But the good news is that there are many steps towards being ok along the way that can and do bring some sense of progress. Sometimes it''s two steps forward and three back. That''s all part of it.

I''ve read that you are getting counselling and finding it helpful. I too continued counselling and found it a complete lifesaver. You are already taking advice on board and coming to your own conclusion that the relationship has no future. You are doing great.

I used to think that the pain I was in at first when he left was really an indication of how bad I was doing. I mean I felt terrible (even now I can''t put it into words how bad I felt) so that must mean I was doing really badly right? Anyway that''s how I felt at the time. I can see now that although I felt awful, no sleep, not eating and all that, I actually coped brilliantly under the circumstances. I can see you are making good progress. You won''t see it yet, it''s too soon. But for those that have trodden the path before you, some of the awareness you have and the steps you are taking now are some of the most important ones. That is deciding for your own sake, that you need to walk away.

Keep posting, it helps

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