A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


How long would you wait for partners divorce?

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355400 by Jenna29
Topic started by Jenna29
It''s been just over 3 years now since my partner seperated from his wife. We met a month or so later and have been together since. He has been a father figure to my 4 year old, the relationship has been great, we now have a 3 month old baby of our own...but he is still married. He had said he was waiting for them to be seperated for 2 years to make divorce easier; that was over a year ago. In March I told him that I would not be moving in with him while he was still married, at which point I was 7 months pregnant. He contacted a solicitor and sent a letter to his ex saying he''d be applying for a divorce, no problems there. They got married abroad and so were waiting for a copy of the marriage certificate as it was lost. He hasn''t (as far as I know) heard from his solicitor since May, he has had no contact at all with his ex. Like I said, we''ve been together for almost 3 years - he is taking no action over divorce. The house my children and I rent isn''t big enough and I want to move (locally) which means at least another 6 months living seperately. In my opinion, it''s getting ridiculous. I don''t want to get married, but I think that he should be at least taking some action to get divorced! Am I being unreasonable?

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
12 Sep 12 #355404 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, I think you must have the patience of a Saint!

After 3 years of being together, having a child together and being very involved with your older daughter, one would think that he would take steps to show his commitment to you.

Given his lackadaisical approach to getting things resolved regarding his children, and the divorce started, I think, if I were in your shoes, I would be wondering if he will ever get things sorted. :s

Perhaps its time for a serious talk with him, and explain how fed up you are feeling, and that you and the children (all of them!) need demonstration of his commitment to you all?

  • soulruler
  • soulruler's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355406 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
Why do you think he is dragging his heels? Do you think he is worried about the financial aspects, bearing in mind he has now fathered another child this will need to be considered in the divorce proceedings.

Also how long are you supposed to be living separately - I think it is commendable that you refuse to move in with him until divorce is sorted out.

Any idea what his current wife thinks about this? Is he making contributions to the rent or mortgage where his wife still lives and does he have any children from his current marriage?

Also do you think he is waiting because he wants some of her potential inheritance or a bigger claim of any earnings she might have or get in the future?

Sorry if these appear to be indelicate questions.

  • Shoegirl
  • Shoegirl's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355407 by Shoegirl
Reply from Shoegirl
Jenna can I just be very direct for a moment.

I''ve been on wiki a while and really feel for you at your continued frustration with a man who is so laid back, he struggles to deal with his responsibilities towards you, your child, his ex wife and their children.

You say it''s a great relationship and I guess this depends on your own definition on what this means personally to you. You actually know you are not being unreasonable, but this man has consistently let you down and not fufilled his responsibilities to anyone he is associated with.

I guess this will go on for as long as you are prepared to put up with it. He wil just passively go along with it doing nothing as this seems to be his modus operandi.

Seems to be the relationship is not growing out of the early stages to me, it is static. There is still no sign of commitment to you and this child.

I guess you''ve talked to him many times about these issues and are posting because you are getting nowhere. I think the things you might want to consider are why you continue to accept and endorse this behaviour from him that is not in your best interests.

You can''t force him to divorce. His words might tell you he wants to move your relationship into the next phase, his actions say something different. How much more time are you going to give this?

  • maisymoos
  • maisymoos's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355410 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
Jenna you certainly have the patience of many Saints. I cannot understand his inaction. I cannot see how he wants to continue living apart from his new baby let alone you. He knows that this is dependant on his divorce but does nothing. It does not really make sense, maybe its ultimatum time?

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355411 by Jenna29
Reply from Jenna29
Ruby - I understand your point, but in my opinion I should not have to nag him into taking action. They are his children and it''s his life, he is a grown man.

Soulruler - He just dislikes stress and confrontation. He isn''t worried about finances, he already pays all the debts and full maintenance to his children from the marriage. His ex wife said she wanted to get divorced, she isn''t putting up any barriers nor is she likely to come into money. That is exactly my question - how long are we supposed to live seperately? To all intents and purposes I''m a single mother. People just assume we are married and live together when realistically I''m doing it all alone and he comes along for a school run or day out or two.

  • Jenna29
  • Jenna29's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Sep 12 #355413 by Jenna29
Reply from Jenna29
That''s the thing - he constantly says how much he misses the kids (mine and those with his ex), misses me and can''t wait to live together but does nothing about it. I don''t want to nag him into things or give him an ultimatum - like I said to Ruby, he is a grown man and needs to make decisions for himself. He doesn''t talk about his children with his ex, or the divorce, it''s like he is pretending they don''t exist and thinks I''ll back down and move in regardless.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11