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Step-Family Advice and Help

  • rubytuesday
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12 Sep 12 #355433 by rubytuesday
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I thought some of our members, especially those who are in a step-family, or whose children spend time with their other parent and partner, might find the following link and the information contained within of some use -
StepFamily.org.au

  • somuch2know2
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12 Sep 12 #355441 by somuch2know2
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Thanks for this, I will have a look tonight, but I need some advice on this subject.

I have been seperated for over a year. I have been with my current partner for a little less than that, although she is for all arguments sake the ''OW'' and someone my ex has made no secret to my kids.

After a year of my ex excluding me from my kids life I went to court and ''won'' every other Sunday 10-4 for 6 months (to re-enter) their lives. Part of this was that I would not introduce them to my partner unless my ex agreed. I went along with this as I just wanted a relationship with my kids. I plan on sticking to this until after the new year until- at which point it will be around 9 months and I (we) should be in a position to buy a house. I want full weekends with my kids (but appreciate the 13yr old and 17yr old may not want to come). I also need to find a way to introduce my partner so its not abrupt. I will get no help from my ex on this as she constantly slags her off to the kids.

My question is, what do I do? Do I go back to court once we get a house and work out something with my girlfriend so that the first month or so stays elsewhere so the kids get acquinted with my new house and full weekends? Or do I just dive in?

My ex will make this as painful as possible but I want to make sure I do right by everyone.

  • Forseti
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12 Sep 12 #355446 by Forseti
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Fascinating link, Ruby, and lots to take in. I note especially the warning, "The stepfamily is complex. It is a family built on loss." I thought the site could be a little more optimistic, though.

It is very common that parents, especially fathers, delay introducing their children to the new partner, but I wonder if this is natural or healthy, and whether it is child-focused or merely designed to appease the children''s other parent.

  • somuch2know2
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12 Sep 12 #355448 by somuch2know2
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In this case it is very much to try and appease their mum. She managed to sever my relationship with my kids for a year, always saying that if I continued with my girlfriend I would never see them again.

The agreeing to ''no introduction'' for 6 months was to try and smooth the process, but daily she builds my partner up as the ultimate and only reason our ''family'' isnt together, so they dont want to meet her, and I think even if they did, they would say they didnt- just out of loyalty.

I want to do a quick intro in the new year just to g et it out of the way and then continue to have my girlfriend around for a bit more time each visit- without her being immediately pushed on them. But I know if I ''ask'' my ex about introducing her, she will refuse- get the kids all crazy and then stop contact, and then it will be back to court.

I need advice or suggestions from those who have gotten past this hurdle

  • rubytuesday
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12 Sep 12 #355449 by rubytuesday
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Forseti wrote:

Fascinating link, Ruby, and lots to take in. I note especially the warning, "The stepfamily is complex. It is a family built on loss." I thought the site could be a little more optimistic, though.


I would like to think that my own step-family is built on hope, love, laughter and a desire for our children to be part of a family, and have security and stability, which they haven''t had for many years.

Its true, to an extent that step-families are built on loss, but its a negative spin that doesn''t help much :s

  • Carrie Paechter
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12 Sep 12 #355450 by Carrie Paechter
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There''s also this:

www.stepfamilies.info/

There also used to be a National Stepfamily Association in the UK but it appears now to have merged with ParentlinePlus.

Carrie

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12 Sep 12 #355459 by rubytuesday
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Carrie Paechter wrote:

There''s also this:

www.stepfamilies.info/

There also used to be a National Stepfamily Association in the UK but it appears now to have merged with ParentlinePlus.

Carrie


and ParentlinePlus has now become familylives.org.uk - its an excellent site with lots of information, a free helpline and a forum for asking erm, parenting related questions (its not particularly busy, and it tends to be just the moderators that answer questions, but they do provide useful links)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11