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Family Loyalty?

  • frustrated321
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27 Sep 12 #358203 by frustrated321
Topic started by frustrated321
It has taken 5 years to get my Absolute, and I''m glad now that it is all over. However, I have issues i''m finding hard to deal with.

I instigated my divorce, but my ex wouldn''t accept that it was over. Despite this, he started on line dating while we were still living in the same house, i was sleeping on a blow up mattress in my daughter''s bedroom. I found him in bed with his new partner when i came home from work one lunchtime, and that was the last he was in the house!!
However, she and her grown up daughter are spiteful, nasty about me all over facebook. Her parents both even join in! I have done nothing to them, except give them my ex lol!

What hurts is that my daughter wants to play happy families with them, although only because there are small grandchildren involved. But this hurts me. I feel betrayed by her. She''s 17 and my son is 20.

I would be quite happy to accept that she wants to be a part of her dad''s life, that''s how it should be.

But the fact that they ***** me off when they only know what he''s told them (because he''s told them a pack of lies about me) and he and my kids don''t make them stop, really stabs me.

Any suggestions how I can deal with this?

  • maisymoos
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27 Sep 12 #358206 by maisymoos
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Its hard but really try to ignore it and focus on your life and your children. Your children are old enough to make their own decisions, your daughter is not betraying you but is choosing to spend time with both families which I assume she enjoys. If your children are told lies then correct them but don''t get into a slanging match it will do no one any good.

A reaction from you is probably what they are trying to achieve.

Remember the saying "Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you" - rise above their childish ways and don''t drag yourself in.

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27 Sep 12 #358209 by frustrated321
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Thanks for that :)
But I can''t help feeling that my kids should tell his new partner not to ***** their mum off, or they wouldn''t see them. I haven''t got a problem with them spending time with dad and new partner. But someone should stand up for me?

:(

  • julie321
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27 Sep 12 #358244 by julie321
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I had a similar situation when stbx left me, but it was more his family telling my kids to tell me how I should feel and what I should do.

It ended in a huge row with my son and I told him not to come home from visiting them and tell me what to do, I even told him not to visit me anymore if he intended to do this, he soon stopped, However with regard to them bad mouthing you I don,t know what to think as I guess your daughter doesn''t want to cause upset with either of you, A tricky situation but I sympathise with you entirely.

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28 Sep 12 #358395 by frustrated321
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maisiemoo -

what my ex''s new family are saying about me is that I''m a bad mother, don''t turn out like her, I''m a wrong''un. His new partner told me to f off from his phone (he told the kids it was her) when he was compassionate about my dad passing away, but i don''t see my ex getting them to wind their necks in. Her daughter says i''m passing judgement on her, when i''m not (although I have formed opinions now lol). I shan''t get into a slanging match with them - i''m above that. Just who do they think they are when they have never even met me? Aaarrgh! And to put my daughter in such an awkward position. They are selfish. And it''s been going on for 4 years now!

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28 Sep 12 #358396 by maisymoos
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I can understand the frustration and upset you feel. Really though just ignore them, who cares if they say you are a bad mother, you and your children know the really score. They obviously have nothing better to do, don''t let it get to you.

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