I can''t get my head around my daughter (17) being happy to spend time with her dad''s new partner''s family when they all are very spiteful and nasty to me when i have done nothing to them. His new partner, her daughters AND HER MUM AND DAD all slate me on facebook like it''s an episode of jeremy Kyle. Is it unreasonable for me to expect some loyalty from her? And for her to tell them to wind their necks in. After all, if I hadn''t told my ex I didn''t want to be with him anymore, they wouldn''t have him, would they? He was absolutely gutted at our separation. I''m happy that he''s happy now.
Not your daughters problem to be honest.
You are responsible for your feelings and how you react is your choice, a difficult one to get your head around but it''s true!
Rise above it, don''t react, don''t look at Facebook and get on with your own new life.
The happier you are the less their silly childish behaviour will affect you, your daughter should not be asked to defend you, she''s 17. It''s hard enough being adolescent without your parents asking you to fight their battles or take sides.
Might sound tough, not meant to offend, just be the adult.
Thanks for your advice.
Will counselling help me to sort this in my head? I don''t want to make my daughter feel she''s between a rock and a hard place. This is a 56 year old woman, her 30 year old daughter, and an elderly couple. Not a bunch of adolscents. I just hate being hated when i have done nothing. I''m struggling to not let it get to me.
I would actually like everybody to be civil. When my dad died recently, my ex sent me a text saying sorry to hear about your dad, I texted back thanks, and can we draw a line and be civil now? And she texted me on his phone F*** off! Apparently they had big rows about this, but she won''t stop.
Is it unreasonable for me to expect some loyalty from her?
Why is this eating away at me?
Hi Frus. Yes and no. If we was talking adult friend then maybe. But we are talking 17 YO here and we all know what they are like. Teens are ruthless and they will take the side of the perceived winner. Thats just what they do. Cos they are not adults and they dont have the adult mentality. Also this teen may think that there is something in it for her for dissing you. But hey, you are made of tougher stuff right?
There is also wolf pack play ground mentality at play with teens. Its how teens act against someone. But yr not a teen. Yr an adult. U dont have to play this silly game.
Also, what you are doing is dropping your logic on another situation and expecting it to be so. You and yr ex are at opposite ends of the divorce spectrum. And your logic wont work in that space.
But what todo. Ok, you are an adult and you know the truth. So rise above it all. So they rubbish you on FB. They probably are jealous of your situation. And they see you as walking tall and they dont like it. Or they see you as a threat to their happiness. And who''s problem is that? Not yours. You on the side of the angels here. So rise above it all and put it to one side. They have the problem with you. Not the other way round. Be the bigger person and dont react to it all.
I do not understand why people have to air there dirty laundry on FB. They wouldnt stand in the street and shout it out. So why do it on the internet? Stupid.
I am sorry I have been hard on you. I dont mean to be. But there isnt any other way to say this. So sorry if I have offended you. C.