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  • newleaf
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05 Oct 12 #359441 by newleaf
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Hello all, after 3 years married my husband suddenly decided to leave our home giving no clear reason. All this happened about 2 months ago and we have hardly spoken since although he has told me that he has not been happy for ages. We have a lovely house together and used to share so many hobbies I just can''t understand what he can not be happy with. we were best mates for so long and now he can barely speak to me without getting angry or defensive. I told him last week i was considering divorce and he hasn''t even tried to save our relationship or discuss how to improve it. Have i blown it by mentioning the D word? Do I even want him back after leaving me for so long? Its so confusing at the moment.
I am only just realising that it is actually over and that i need to make a new start. But its really not easy even after such a ''short'' marriage. Thanks for reading.

  • jslgb
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05 Oct 12 #359445 by jslgb
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Hi Sophie and welcome to wiki :-)although its unfortunate that you have found yourself here!

This is a huge support network and will help you through whatever your circumstances throw at you.

I wanted to reply because your situation has a few similarities with mine and i wanted to ask you to consider whether someone else may be involved. A lot of us have gone through circumstances where we have no idea what has transpired only to find the partner who upped and left without warning has been having an affair.

This may not be the case for you, and i hope it isnt, but sometimes its better to consider all the options so that when something does come up you are at least a little forewarned!!

Best Wishes

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05 Oct 12 #359446 by maisymoos
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Hi Sophie

Sorry about what has happened but you have come to the right place.

Its hard especially when nothing makes sense, and very unfair on you that he will not talk or tell you why - mind you saying that sometimes I think saying nothing is possibily better than being told a pack of lies!

Just concentrate on getting through each day, no big decisions need to be made yet. Are you financially ok?

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05 Oct 12 #359450 by newleaf
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Hi jslgb, thanks for your reply.
Yes I have thought about this. He used to spend so much time on the internet each night, about 4 hours, and was always texting someone. I asked him directly if he was seeing someone else and he just shook his head. Im quite trusting of people and i now wonder if he has been using that to his advantage.

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05 Oct 12 #359452 by newleaf
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Hi maisy. Thanks for replying.
Financially i am ok thanks. Just mostly sad that if he''s not been happy why not talk about it.

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05 Oct 12 #359453 by jslgb
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I would say those are significant signs.

As for him not being happy, this is his way of justifying his actions. My stbxh claimed he was unhappy too, despite the fact that weeks early he was professing his love for me over the internet, calling me the best wife in the world and buying me expensive gifts!! It makes them feel better to use the ''unhappy'' line, and it excuses their behaviour to all concerned. My ex didnt tell his family our marriage ended because he had an affair. He told them it ended because he was ''unhappy''. Its more accepted.

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05 Oct 12 #359456 by maisymoos
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jslgb yes I agree, the cowards of this world do seem to like the "unhappy and depressed statement!!" I had the same happen it wasn''t long after that I discovered he had been having a long term affair.

Sophie we cannot really guess your ex''s reasons but not wishing to talk is a sign he''s hiding something.

It''s very very hard, but concentrate on you, try and eat properly and look after yourself, in time you can make the big decisions.

I tried to save my marriage but soon realised this requires a joint effort, all I got were lies and more lies. Divorce was then inevitable and I didn''t hang around, money was already being hidden left right and centre!

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