granny or no granny

Hello,

Not even know how to start this story.
Few months ago i had a chat with my mother in law about her seeing my daughter,her granddaughter.
Problem was she used to come whatever she wanted,sometimes not seeing little girl for a 3 months.In a end she wanted to take my daughter out and my daughter refused,as she said she doesnt know her granny any more.Granny was upset and im sure she thought im not alouing granddaughter to go with her.
I had a chat about it with my ex mother in law,explaining that she cant just apear and disapear when she wanted.That if she wants to have relantionship with her granddaughter she needs to make more effort.I never ever said she cant see her granddaughter,even then her son (my daughters dad doesnt pay maintenants).Granny made effort for about 4 weeks and then again disapeared.
She came in to see us last saturday,for 2 hours she sat on a sofa hardly speaking.In a end she asked are we busy next weekend,I said as its holidays we will be doing something.But in exchange i offered that she could have her granddaughter on saturday after few weeks as i will be working.Her reply was strait no.
She works just 3 days during a week so she could have my daughter at least on one her days off during a holidays,but again she not offered.
Now i do know that she looks after other grandchildren.Ok i agree she isnt my mum,so im not surprised that she ist in a hurry to help me.But in a past she said to me any time i stuck for a childcare i should ask her.As i dont have my family aroud.I did ask her as i was really stuck,and this wasnt first time i been told no.
Other things that annoy me are i can see she doent treat my daughter as her granddaughter.She doesnt make effort,she hardly spending any time with my girl and ect.Makes me even more angry,cos she is only granny my daughter got,as i lost my mum few months ago.
This morning i had my daughter in tears because of her behavour,and this isnt first time too.I dont know how to handle this situation.Was thinking to have a chat again,but is it any point to it?We did that already and made no difference.Maybe i just should tell granny to stay away,she still can see my girl then she is visiting her dad.So that way my girl sees granny but wont be hurt any more.Any ideas??? Thank you.

Sigh - this is so difficult isn''t it?

I can see you''re really trying to keep the door open with your ex Mother in Law so way to go! It does feel to me like you two are not really communicating though.

I read your post and read a lot of she this and she that. You''re inferring a lot and you might just be wrong. When you say she does not love your daughter like her other grandkids you may be right but you may not be.

My advice would be to really open up your heart to the possibility that she could be a great grandmother. One that your daughter could really use. Open up to her and then expect very little in return. Do it as a gift to your daughter. Don''t feel put out when she doesn''t live up to what you think she should be doing. Just give her the chance to have a great relationship with your daughter. Keep that up.

It''s possible for this to work and for your daughter to have a relationship with your ex MIL. I hope that it can go that way!