A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Scared

  • taff45
  • taff45's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361200 by taff45
Topic started by taff45
Hi everyone

Been separated for almost 2 months now. Communication with other half broken down so we mostly communicate by email now. Had been informal arrangement''s over money and children as we sorted ourselfs out with the split. But things getting heated now and i am scared about what he might do.

He got angry with me after a heated phone call a few weeks ago and its been downhill since then. He has now become completely formal when answering texts and emails. Scared hes going to get legal advice and get nasty.

Everything keeps going around and around in my head. How did it come to this? Can`t figure out how the man I love loved turned into this other person who has hurt me so much.

Know i have to be strong and find strength to get through this but its so hard. Just want it all to go away right now.

  • Crumpled
  • Crumpled's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361203 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
hI taff:( i cant give you an answer really it is so tough all of this.....and i truly feel the pain you are going through but all i will say is protect yourself.
The partners we loved and trusted are not there for us anymore i hope you dont see that as me being brutal and harsh but sadly it is probably reality....
So where does that leave us...plan ahead of the game see a solicitor if you havent done so already find out what your options and the potential new reality is......make sure you find a solicitor who is good at family law not necessarily the closest/easiest etc if you see what i mean
You dont have to start proceedings and dont let anyone pressurise you take your time think it all through
lots of love c

  • Kazzabell80
  • Kazzabell80's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361290 by Kazzabell80
Reply from Kazzabell80
Taff ((hugs))

I agree with LID - protect yourself as much as you possibly can.

Seek legal advice, know your entitlements, do a budget taking into account only your income (including CTC/WTC etc but excluding STBX''s contributions) just in case things do turn nasty, you need to know that you can survive on your own.

I know that we are on a very similar timescale re our breakups and the whole speech of ''I really value your friendship and still care about you, there is no reason why we can''t be amicable about this'' is just to try to make them feel better about ripping your heart out and stamping on it.

We are also only communicating via email and have no other contact. I have actually found this a great healing mechanism. The man I married isn''t the man that I am divorcing and I have to keep on reminding myself of this fact when I start to feel low.

As LID has said, you don''t need to initiate anything with a solicitor if you don''t want to but just being aware of your options will hopefully put your mind at rest.

Keep strong and remember - knowledge is power!
xx

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361296 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
taff45 wrote:

Everything keeps going around and around in my head. How did it come to this? Can`t figure out how the man I love loved turned into this other person who has hurt me so much.

Know i have to be strong and find strength to get through this but its so hard. Just want it all to go away right now.


Hi Taff. The person you see now is the person that has always been there. Its just that you are seeing him in a different light. But you wont have to put up with this person for much longer. Let him get nasty. He cant do anything to you. Its all hot air.

Everything you get that is worth something has to be fought for. I saw a story only yesterday who''s son was starved of oxygen at birth. They had to fight for 10 years to get justice for their son. And now he has a future. And its the same for you. You have to fight to get whats yours. Roll up and crawl in a corner and you will do yourself no favours. So stand tall sister. Fight for whats right and yours. Cos you are worth it . C.

  • taff45
  • taff45's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361371 by taff45
Reply from taff45
Thank you all for your replies. You all make so much sense and its a comfort that you understand - your words are really helping me to find the strength to keep going.

I know that I have no choice but to battle on. Also realise that being scared of him is part of his hold over me and an issue from our relationship - have to stop this but its hard. I sent him a letter asking him to address outstanding issues like money and house. Asked for a reply by Friday. Was very fair and nice in it - not accusing just trying to resole stuff but he didn t like it and think I have stirred a hornets nest.So am waiting every day to see what action he takes in reply. Post today and my heart was in my mouth - thought one letter was from a solicitor - but no.

Anyway feeling bit better and less scared now thanks to wiki once again and my amazing sister who has been my rock in all this.:)

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Oct 12 #361402 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
taff45 wrote:


Also realise that being scared of him is part of his hold over me and an issue from our relationship - have to stop this but its hard. I sent him a letter asking him to address outstanding issues like money and house. Asked for a reply by Friday. this.:)


Hi Taff. Nothing wrong with feeling scared. If we felt no fear. We would do some really stupid things. More stupid then the stupid things we already do.

You are right to tackle this issue with a letter. Its the right way to deal with this in a formal way. Of course, a letter is traceable and can be used against him if he doesnt comply. As to not comply is obstructive. So good on you.

He doesnt have a hold over you. The only hold he has is in your head. Your married to him. Thats all. And thats only a legal bond. You can break this hold and bond he has over you. When you decide that he has no hold over you, you will fear him less and be able to control your life better. But only you can break this hold. C.

  • taff45
  • taff45's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
17 Oct 12 #361463 by taff45
Reply from taff45
Thanks Marshy.

What you said makes so much sense. Slowly the pieces are coming together in my head and I am starting to see the wood for the trees. You are so right when you say he has no actual hold over me except in my head. Such a big wake up call but one I am staring to make.

There is so much emotion involved with a break up you get so bogged down in it all.Thanks to you fantastic people on wiki for helping me find my way again. feeling a lot more positive - chinks of hope are starting to peep through all the bad stuff.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11