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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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  • jjones123
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27 Mar 12 #320325 by jjones123
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What''s clarifying butter? I keep looking for that at the supermarket and can''t find it...

I digress before I''ve even started replying.

I was in exactly the same boat, but I also had to move to a new city - something that was totally unexpected. Over the years, my ex had worked to separate me from my friends and support network - so it was a double-whammy to find myself alone, in a new city, not knowing what to do or where to start...

But, what I discovered is that even though I had been treated abominably my nasty ex, the kindness and generosity that strangers have offered me (through this site and through just doing other stuff) has helped to offset that by a huge margin (but it does take a while before one throws off ones rose tinted spectacles and embrace life once again).

For me, I asked a couple of questions. The first was I ''what is it that I have always wanted to do but haven''t?'' This was riding a motorcycle (admittedly, not for everyone). For a while I had a couple of biker mates in the town where I used to live - some of them are still friends, but just by doing something different new friends arrived. I''ve also recently finished a motorcycle mantenance evening course, just to do something new. I don''t have any new mates through it, but a whole set of good memories, and this counts for a lot.

The second question was: ''what would I like to improve about myself?'' Here I (eventually) came up with two things: ''I''m a bit skinny... and I''m not great at public speaking which I have to do in my job''.

Thinking about the first point, I''ve joined a gym and I now know a couple of the regular geezers, and we share a bit of banter when we see each other. They''re not like mates but it''s nice to see some friendly faces. (Plus, when it comes to your local council gym, age isn''t a concern - there''s all age ranges).

The other question has started me on a fun journey which is taking me into new uncomfortable territories, but that is okay. I''m doing stuff for me, and that feels good - and it''s making me an even stronger person, even adding to the strength I gained through going through all this divorce nonsense.

I''m also a member of spice, but I haven''t been to many events, just a handful. Some good, some not so good - but I would get more out of it if I put more into it. I''m just too busy with my other stuff!

Finally, I''ve discovered some really lovely wikifriends and neighbours. You all know who your are. :P


  • hawaythelads
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27 Mar 12 #320346 by hawaythelads
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Just make up your own imaginary world and friends where you are the King and everything you say is right.Like wot I do.
His Royal Hawayness xx

  • Confused2
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27 Mar 12 #320365 by Confused2
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I''d like to think that there is something for everyone, although accept that not everything either suits or is possible for us all.

Much of my experience mirrors what others have suggested. I took up a hobby, it got me out and I enjoyed it, but the nature of the sport didn''t lead to me developing friendships.

Next step was a Wikimeet, that was really pushing my boundaries, and one of the best things I''ve ever done. I''ve been back a few more times and recognise that it was that first meet that got me back to enjoying the big wide world.

I heard about Spice through this forum and thought I''d give it a try. True it does cost money and you can spend a lot, but I''ve had a great time. I tend to walk at least once a month with them, and occassionally do other things, including holidays with a group of strangers who may or may not be like minded and might become friends.

Although Spice does cost, there are other ways of participating in similar activities and meeting people. Ramblers and other groups arrange walks. Subject to your age, U3A I believe covers a range of interests that might help you meet people. I''m sure there''s loads of other events going on that I''ve never heard of.

Good luck

  • Itgetsbetter
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28 Mar 12 #320385 by Itgetsbetter
Reply from Itgetsbetter
There is a web-site meetup.com that has a whole range of groups all across the country. Just put in your post code and you get a list of all the groups in your area. I''ve joined a photography group, a walking group, and a general social group and made some great friends.

All the best


  • Marshy_
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02 Apr 12 #321213 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
jjones123 wrote:

What''s clarifying butter? I keep looking for that at the supermarket and can''t find it...

In case you wanted to know: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarified_butter I use it as Ghee. Which for Indian food is a cooking oil. Look for Ghee next time in the Supermarket. C.

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