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  • TEIN
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11 Jun 13 #396679 by TEIN
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It all sounds so easy yet feels so difficult or at least in my head it does so at present I''m just doing the things I''ve always done I guess but slowly trying to talk a little more and ask questions of people that in the past I probably wouldn''t have.

Difference with me is I''ve always been like this from being a child. The quiet shy one sitting in the corner hoping not to be noticed or often not noticed.

  • polar
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11 Jun 13 #396695 by polar
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Im not claiming it is easy. Often 2 steps forward, 1 back. But as they say no pain, no gain.
I used to ski a lot. I would look at a slope and think..''''I can''t do this'''' .
Once you went onto the slope it was never as hard as it looked. At the bottom you could look back and see what you had achieved.
Life is rather like that.

  • newleaf
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11 Jun 13 #396729 by newleaf
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TEIN you are certainly not the only person who has struggled with this since childhood. I think you would be surprised at how many people feel this way.

I had a brief flurry of confidence during my university years, but before that i was also the quiet shy one. I feel that in the last few years i probably reverted back to that phase.

So please don''t think you are different or alone in feeling this way.

I think its important to start looking forwards now. Its easy to fall back into thinking ''i can''t do this now because i couldn''t do it back then'' Just because we were shy children doesn''t mean we have to carry on that way. I think identifying that things have to change is actually half the battle.

Its not easy and i do still (very often) fall back into the old routines. But taking small steps and pushing myself out of my comfort zone is slowly improving things.

  • HAPPYandMOVINGon
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16 Jul 13 #401143 by HAPPYandMOVINGon
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Hi guys,
I''ve only recently joined wikivorce after a recent split - what a helpful community to be apart of!!
I''ve been trying to follow everyone''s advice and do all I possibly can to support myself go through my split. It hasn''t been easy but I think I''m finally getting there.
I just finished reading this book "Dating for Divorced People - How to Be Outrageously Successful and Meet the Partner You Deserve. Guaranteed". I found it free to download on amazon and found it so easy to connect with. It provided some great tips. I highly recommend to anyone who is looking to start dating soon.

www.amazon.com/dp/B00D19LIOY/

Thanks for everyone''s posts and discussions. I''m really enjoying reading everyone''s perspectives on their situations.
Much love x

  • polar
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16 Jul 13 #401172 by polar
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Hi Happy.
glad you found this site.
Remember that the only person who can really sort out your new life is you. Oh..everyone will stick their 2 pennyworth into the pot but they are not you and those usually giving this advice, albeit with a good heart, are rarely in your position.
As for dating after a divorce.
It takes at least 1 month for every year of your last relationship to get over it.
Jump into the frying pan to soon and there is a good chance that you will regret it.
A quick look round a dating website like Plenty of fish will reveal that many have been on their own for long periods after a split. Yes dating here and there and short relationships. Commitment however now seems to be lacking and research has shown that due to the huge pool available on the web people do not stick things out so long. Which websites are the best.? Non of them despite the claims. After all the dating business online only serves to makes somebody money and the turnover is billions.
Dating is primarily getting happy with yourself first. One wise and true piece of advice I was given is that you will not find your new partner...they will find you. Make yourself happy and confident and you will attract others.
Have fun dating. I did. Once I got my confidence back I could easily average a date a week . Some turned into short relationships and many I still see.
But despite all the dating I have been on my own for 6 years. Being on your own seems to be a trend for nearly everyone I know now . Yes they have relationships, go on holidays together etc. but generally its still 2 houses.
Best of luck and above all have fun.
Polar

  • newleaf
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16 Jul 13 #401177 by newleaf
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I''ve actually been avoiding any ideas of dating, focusing all that attention on just one person is how i got into this mess in the first place. So for now its making friends and trying to build a bit of a social circle. I like the idea that ''the one'' will eventually find me, hopefully by making friends and not getting stressed out with dates he will eventually appear.

  • polar
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16 Jul 13 #401178 by polar
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Yes Newleaf. Concentrate on yourself first to get happy with your lot and then look for the bonus.
One thing that stands out big time on the websites (and funnily enough in the pubs/clubs etc) is the users and players.
Oh it is both sexes I can assure you !!!
in 6 years I have only met 6 who would genuinely want a relationship and of those 2 or three where we might have been able to make it work.
The internet produces transient relationships . Real life is much better.
Getting to know someone at a ''''distance'''' through clubs (mutual interest) and friends is a better way.
Maybe Im selfish now. Go where I want, do what I want , spend my money on me instead of trying to accommodate someone else in my life. Not having to deal with their baggage as well as my own.
On the other hand finding a companion to go on holidays with etc is the first step to a relationship.
Oh to have that flush of youth again and to find someone we really click with.
Makes you wonder how 50% of the population got it wrong in the first place !!

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