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  • newleaf
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16 Jul 13 #401184 by newleaf
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That''s a good way to look at it polar, a relationship is just a bonus.
I also think that the number of players on the various dating sites is one very good reason to avoid them, especially in the delicate emotional state that divorce and separation puts you in.

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16 Jul 13 #401196 by polar
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The ''''replacement factor'''' or need to feel loved and wanted after a massive rejection is what makes a lot of people seek company of the opposite sex.
Sometimes however the scenario changes to a kind of revenge. Many dating profiles state ''''I have been hurt once'''' ''''be gentle with me'''' or similar. This is followed by ''''no gold diggers'''' or ''''no players''''. Users abound on the net.
Maybe thats why 60% of second marriages fail.
Trust is a very big issue. I know that initially I didn''t trust anyone at all.
Then when you find your feet you find that there are decent people out there.
Makes you re examine yourself.
Biggest question I eventually had was ''''why did I need a partner''''.
When my x went I taught myself to do everything she could do. So apart from the obvious what did I need a partner for ?
Thats why I find more and more people happy to be on their own and hook up with someone every now and then.
A little explored point is housing ownership and new relationships.
If we take the scenario of 2 people who own their ''''castle of safety'''' then one must sell if they move in together. (ok they could rent it out). One must give up the safe haven.
If on the other hand one rents and one owns or both rents then if the relatinship fails one can pop back into a rental house.
Thats a practical point. !!
From the emotional point however being happy and strong in yourself before seeking another partner means that you can deal with another relationship far better.

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