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The next stage

  • cat13
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27 Jan 13 #376495 by cat13
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Hello all, thought i would create a new post, as i am no longer desperately unhappy and shocked!.
It''s only 4 weeks since all of this started, and so much has happened since then!!, i wouldn''t have believed it possible, but i am living proof that it is, lol.
I sent him some txts friday night, after some wine....on realising the next day i was mortified!!, as ireally dont want to contact him at all, and have been carrying out the "no contact" rule. On reading the txts back, it was all about the business, and not me begging him to come back, so that was good :)
The week ahead sees me on a return to work course tomorrow, going to go through the CV etc. and on Friday i see the solicitor to start divorce proceedings. I have my application form to go back to uni in August, and some job searches have brought up a few posts that i am interested inpursuing. I find it all a wee bit daunting, however i was a full-time worker for many years, and i am sure once back i will quickly pick it up. There are two posts here where i live in domestic abuse, and the latter 5 years with the NHS, this was my specialism...would love to go back into it, but there is always great demand for these posts. Even if i get an interview, it will all be experience.
The house is coming together nicely, SKY landline and broadband go live tomorrow....Hooray!!.
I have lost a stone in the past month, apetite is back, but have dramatically cut back on wine...trying to keep it to weekends. I am going walking with my friend weekly, and have promised myself to do fitness dvd x2 weekly, i want to lose more weight, for this medical prior to uni, but also for my confidence and self esteem...bought some new clothes whilst shopping yesterday, and got such a buzz, at having dropped just over a dress size :):):)
My sons are doing really well, and like the new house, it has a lovely feel to it, and i am enjoying buying new things for it. I am almost there, and really keen now to just move on to the next chapter of my life....we will be ok, nobody died, and that man has behaved atrociously!!, it''s like a different person, and certainly not someone i would want to be involved with. He was a fool who threw everything away, and in time he will see just how ridiculous his management of everything has been. I just hope he learns from this, and remembers with his next partner whats at stake, but i doubt it, i think its his way of handling any negativity toward him, avoiding any crtiticism by whichever means he can....no longer my problem...end of :)
My friends on wiki have undoubtedly helped me to progress so quickly, the day that i joined, i will never forget that feeling of sheer hopelessness, heartache, fear and overwhelming sadness. Had it not been for my youngest, i think i could have ended it that day, such was the gripping grief!. Instead i found this site, realised who my friends were, and with all of your support, i had the strentgh to face the challenges that lay ahead. I am fundamentally a very strong person, a very caring and understanding person, always ready to help others, however, i also am very proud, and wont let people be disrepectful or treat me poorly... my ex has done both and more, as i have gained my strength, my self respect has returned and with it, i can see the bigger picture of just how awful the man has treted not just me, but my sons too....with that in mind, i realise just what a loser he is, and how wrong was i when i thought i knew him so well?. This already seems like a lucky escape to me, he would just have done it time after time, and at least i am young enough to make a new life for myself and my sons.
Once again, thanks to each and every one of you who have been there to offer cuddles, support and advice along my way:)
Hugs,
Cat xxxxxx

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27 Jan 13 #376497 by carast1
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Well done you ,it took me longer but I also came to the same conclusion that he is the loser in it all and I feel sorry for the ow cos I have on doubt he will do the same to her

  • cat13
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01 Feb 13 #377506 by cat13
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:):):):)Hello everyone, thought i would update.
Been to see lawyer today and can''t start divorce proceedings till separated for one year, as have no grounds. had to settle for legal separation in the meantime....protects me and my assets, so thats good enough for me.
I can stop using my married name as well, and go back to what i was known as before, so it''s not as good as i hoped, but i am protected, so i''m good:) :)

Have done my fitness dvd twice this week, and last night joined a slimming world class, lasted two hours, and i went with a woman i met in my hairdresers the other day, and met someone new there, she and i are going to support each other along the way.
Feeling much better, more like myself:)
Have a couple of posts i am applying for, so have been doing loads of research to get the application forms filled. Don''t hold out much hope, as have been out of the field for some time, but if i even got an interview i would be delighted :)
Going out with my friend tomorrow during the day, and have a friend coming over tomorrow night, so it''s all good here, and that black hole thankfully hasn''t been back!!.
This is my next stage, and thankfully, i am coping really well. My boys are well, and happy, i we love our wee house,.....i just need a job to complete everything, then i''m good, lol.
Hugs,
Cat xxxx

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01 Feb 13 #377528 by blue_
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Thats great to hear that you are feeling so much better.

xx

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02 Feb 13 #377568 by cat13
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Thanks Blue :)
Back from my riends, and going to clean the house ready fro my pal coming over this eveing, we are going to have wine and takeout...have been doing really well diet wise, so i have to be sensible!! lolGoing to do my fit dvd soon, and then wont feel so bad about the takeaway.
I have changed my contact numbers and email address, changing my name back, and youngest had double barrel surname, so he will just lose the last one and still be the same as me. Just hoping to get a job, and i am sure i will, but it''s not coming soon enough!!, nver been unemployed in my life, and now that we are settled, i''m bored and need something to keep me focussed,
My stbx isn''t in my head all of the time anymore thankfully, iv''e cut him out. I still love the man i knew of course, but not who he has become, i wouldn''t give him a second glance. I dont constantltl wonder why anymore, just accept that it happened and i have to focus on myself and my boys, and i am actually looking forward to the future and what it will bring!...rather thanthis year being horrible, it''s now exciting and full of hope :)
I was at a loss when i joined here and couldnt contemplate life without him...now i couldn''t contemplate life WITH him, i deserve better, and hopefully will find it!.
Hugs to all, and have a lovely weekend :)
Cat xxxx

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02 Feb 13 #377636 by johnnyr
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Hey Cat,

Just caught up with your posts, it truly fantastic that you''re continuing to move forward so positively. I think its great that you see where you are as a new stage. Its good that you;re doing things to maintain a positive focus and map out a new life. You are doing bloody brilliant.

:):)

Keep it up hun

John xx

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06 Feb 13 #378370 by cat13
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Hi John, thankyou x will send you a private message later to catch up.
Well, today isn''t so good for me, it''s my youngests birthday, and i feel as though i have let him down with all thats happened. He dosen''t deserve this, and he misses him a lot. He says he is ok, but i can see it in him. He is away to scool quite happy, and will open his presents when he gets home, then going bowling and taking his wee pals along, and then to pizza hut.
I just feel a great sense of loss, that this really didn''t have to happen, and could have been sorted if he would just speak to me at the time. It''s a ridiculous way fro a grown man to behave and i utterly despise his actions, they are unforgiveable!!!
I have been doing really well, and i will continue to do really well, but i just feel really angry at him today!!!
I have joined a slimming class, have lost weight and i am doing my fit dvd twice per week. I am applying for two jobs which close on Friday, and there is another one which closes next week...wish me luck!, lol
My friends husband has been really ill, and have been supporting her and i am keeping in touch with friends from where i used to live, and met someone at the slimming club last week and we are going to support each other through the weight loss, so i am not alone, and have a friend in this new street as well.
I don''t have many bad days now, and today has been my worst since i moved here....and i haven''t cried since i moved here either....he''s not worth it, and it''s not him that i am sad about, it''s the situation, the overall senselessness of it, but hey, it''s happened, and i can''t change it. In my heart of heart i knew it was only a matter of time before he did it again, but i thought we would get over it and move on and be together forever...however it wasn''t the case that time, he is a callous, uncaring cold calculated b*****d,and to hurt my son like that is apalling!, that''s the worst i think, that he did this to my son, unforgiveable!!
I will continue to love and adore my wee boy, giving him lot''s of reassurance that i will alwayd be here for him, and that we will be fine in the future, he gives me a big cuddle and tells me he loves me...that''s wheer i get my strength from, my determination that he will not suffer anymore than he has. I want to be the best mum that i can for him. He deserves it, and my determination will see us through all of this.
I just need a job, need to focus and get back out into the world of work and meet new people to be a part of my new life.
I am sorry for ranting, just needed to unload all this negativity before my wee boy comes home....feel better already :)
Thanks everyone,
Cat xxxx
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