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first holiday without stbx

  • littlegreen
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15 Jul 13 #401037 by littlegreen
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Hi,

I am going on holiday this week with some of my family, this will be the first holiday without my stbx. I am ok but not ok at the same time, if that makes sense.

This time last year we were holidaying for a month in Europe, 8 weeks after coming home he left me. I am trying not to think about it all but it''s not easy sometimes.

I just wondered if there was any one out there who has been on holiday with the family and how it went. I keep imagining myself on holiday but detached from everyone. A part of me wants just that whilst another part is telling me that it''s wrong to feel like this.

I am due to go away on Friday but as yet I have not bought one single item or even thought about packing. I know that I have been really busy of late...or is this just an excuse.

I would welcome any tips or advice that anyone may have.

Hope everyone on wiki is enjoying the sunshine :)

LG xXx

  • livinginhope
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15 Jul 13 #401065 by livinginhope
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I had my first holiday without Ex a few weeks ago.Initially I booked to go alone and was worried about how I would be and then a male single friend said he would like to join me.We were in different resorts but travelled together and met up nearly every day.I found it was one of the most relaxing holidays I''ve ever had.I had no great expectations and was glad of a change of scene and being looked after by hotel staff was just what I needed.
You will be with people who love you and I''m sure that getting away from everything will be helpful to you.Don''t expect too much and try not to compare past holidays just try and relax and enjoy it.
Good luck.

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15 Jul 13 #401076 by littlegreen
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Thank you livinginhope, your holiday seems to have gone well. I think you are right about not expecting too much.

My main concern is that my gut instinct is telling me that I would prefer to be on my own. I love to get up really early and leave the hotel and go for a walk. The hotel that we are going to is facing the beach and so this will be perfect for me. After this I think it will be expected that I do the family holiday thing, which is great normally, its just that things are a different kind of normal now and I dont quite know if I have adjusted well enough to all these changes.

I am good on my own and if there is one thing that I am learning, it''s that I do not want to people please anymore. I am not a selfish person my any stretch, learning what I want to do sometimes feels like I am being and voicing my opinion is not easy. People may be perfectly fine with it but I''m so not use to it. I think this is why I would prefer to be on my own for now until I find my feet.

If anyone is wondering why I am going on holiday if this is how I feel, I should probably mention that they asked me to go with them last year when my stbx had not long left me. I didn''t know my a..e from my elbow last year. I can just about tell the difference now :laugh:

I''m sure it will be fine, probably worrying over nothing.

LG xXx

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15 Jul 13 #401077 by livinginhope
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I think being able to do my own thing and only have company if I wanted it is what made my holiday right for me.It made me realise that most of my holidays with my Ex were me doing what he wanted and not what I wanted.We seem to have that in common.trying to please others rather than ourselves
Do you think you could share how you feel with someone who is going with you?Hopefully they may understand and leave it up to you if you want to join them or not.Then it could become the holiday you need and not what they think you need.

  • elizadoolittle
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15 Jul 13 #401079 by elizadoolittle
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I have been away with the children for the odd break since he left, and I confess I cried the whole time, thinking how sad it was that he was not with us, and more or less spoiled things for everyone. But it was still good to have a change of scene and create some memories for the children.

  • Lostboy67
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16 Jul 13 #401123 by Lostboy67
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Hi LG,
I can understand the feeling of wanting to go it alone, but really its going to be better for you to go with your family. Its very easy to withdraw from family and friends during divorce and that isn''t a good thing for your general wellbeing.

One thing that is a little ironic is that you are afraid of being separate from the group but want to be alone.

Best advice I can give is to get packing, no more excuses :-)and then just go with the flow. If you can pick and choose when you participate with the family, they will understand you situation , and if you want to go alone for a walk, just tell them that''s what you want to do.

LB

  • absolution
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16 Jul 13 #401125 by absolution
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LG just go with the flow. They are your family, you can be honest with them and they''ll understand. Just explain beforehand that if you need space to be alone you won''t join the family activities and it''s not cos u r being unsociable just a bit fragile atm.
As long as you reassure them you''re ok just need a bit of quiet to yourself then they won''t worry. They are trying to cheer you up by asking you to come on hols with them.

You never know you may be pleasantly surprised and actually love it and distract you from all the other worries.

Take it easy Abs x

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