A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Unbelievable People and Community

  • dukey
  • dukey's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
28 Jan 11 #248303 by dukey
Reply from dukey
I`m still not happy no one has thanked me for the pot noodle tip :angry:

And too the upmarket posh pants twonk who sent me a sooper noodle recipe keep it.

I`m off for a long sulk in a dark room :P

  • CM*
  • CM*'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Jan 11 #248311 by CM*
Reply from CM*
I hope you don't think New Dawn, that your lack of dusting contributed in any way to her having an affair?
One of my biggest shocks was finding that women cheat too.
Count yourself lucky. The children are with you, and I hope she doesn't put in a plea to have them back. You are so blessed to have the kids. Some men on here, would walk on hot coals to be where you are.
I can iron a shirt without a crease down the sleeve. So there. :lol:

  • pixy
  • pixy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Jan 11 #248314 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Dukey, I am trying hard to ignore the pot noodle tip. A willingness to eat pot noodles is just too, too much (possibly acceptable as a task on somehting like I'm a celebrity ...):silly:

  • WeeKate
  • WeeKate's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Jan 11 #248320 by WeeKate
Reply from WeeKate
Its refreshing to see a man acknowledge the "laundry burden"! My husband used to tell me I was moaning about nothing - he had his "man jobs". Trust me - a few weeks mowing the lawn in summer is nothing compared to the relentless laundry tasks associated with 3 boys and pleeeeeeeeeeeeez don't mention football kit!

  • NewDawnNewLife
  • NewDawnNewLife's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
29 Jan 11 #248366 by NewDawnNewLife
Reply from NewDawnNewLife
Mitchum, Thanks for the best wishes.

CM* I don't really think my lack of dusting etc contributed that much. I think it's just dawning on me that my wife is "that type of person". I.e. someone who doesn’t share my sense of morals, and the type who does have affairs. I too was shocked to find out how many women cheat. The excuses that my wife has given so far are so lame it’s unbelievable. She knew this was my nightmare, I’d said it many times before. I find it hard to imagine if someone is in a relationship, that they have an affair, I’ve always thought, that if someone was that unhappy, they should leave the relationship before starting another one. I was hurt in a similar way by a long term girlfriend before we were married. In my eyes, it’s just so cruel; I could never, and will never do it to anyone.
I've never as much as talked to a woman in a bar in all the years we've been married. To be honest the pubs I frequent don't seem to attract many women anyway (I’ve just realised that, God am I observant? Looking around the places we go, I’ve only just observed that the clientele is 95% male, the 5% female figure is made up of the barmaids and the odd couple where a guy like me has dragged his partner along for a “scintillating” night!), not like the bars that my wife and friends attend. I hadn't been in them for years, and popped in a couple of weeks or so ago. If I'd actually visited them over the last few years, I would have been seriously concerned. They are basically "middle aged knocking shops".
And it has come as such a shock that I am married to someone capable of this. After being brought up in a certain way, I did think that women were "sugar & spice and all things nice". Knowing several guys who were always playing around, my circle of friends split into two over 20 years ago. The guys who played about and the group I went with that never gave that sort of thing a second thought. And that's the way it's been for years. We've been away on lad’s weekends, and not one of our company has as much as chatted up a woman. I dare not think what my wife and her friends got up to on their weekend breaks. (but that's speculative to say the least). My point being, I've always known that some guys are slime balls, but how someone of my age could be so naïve is beyond me. I always had a healthy respect for women, and thought that they didn’t behave in this manner. Not wanting to insult all the ladies out there, but how wrong I was in my case.
I do also appreciate that I have the “kids” (they’re no longer children as such if you know what I mean?) they’ve been a great help, but they also bring other issues because they are of an age where they understand exactly what has gone on, and they too have been subject to a lot of deceit. My wife wouldn’t take them certain places and made all sorts of excuses to go out in the car by herself. They find that hard to deal with, and asking them what their feelings were, they could obviously see I was upset about losing my wife, but because they were very quiet I wanted to know what they were going through, what their feelings were? They said they were devastated by the deceit, and they were hurting terribly to see me so emotional, but I was stunned when two of them responded by saying “it’s hard to find out that your mother is a ****”. Enough to say, I was really taken aback.
I don’t think there is a cat in hells chance that my wife will put in a plea to have them, even if she did, they don’t wish to go with her. There’s not the room at her new “love nest” anyway. They are all very upset about the lack of contact from my wife, as they’ve only received a very basic text each from her since she left. She appears to be cutting the family out, perhaps because we’re all aware of the circumstances, and she’s surrounding herself with friends that she’s no doubt telling how intolerable her home life was. The kids have saved my sanity, by dismissing all of her claims. “We used to argue every day”. That’s just NOT true, and the kids have said that every time we did argue “it was mother that started the argument”. I was shocked at that too, cos I never realised that either. But have since read that this is classic behaviour for someone having an affair. Whether they do it subconsciously or consciously they start arguments to justify to themselves that their partner is this unreasonable specimen, and “no wonder I’m doing what I’m doing”.

WeeKate I think most guys would acknowledge the amount of work their partner does, but not trying to make excuses for all men, but I was like most guys, brought up by a mother who did all the laundry etc, then getting married and the wife just took up the baton on that front. I know now, that this really teed her off, but telling me & the kids that AFTER she’s had a long term affair and left to live with him is hard to come to terms with. Within no time we’re all doing what she wanted….but it’s too late. I guess we’ve just been unlucky that my wife isn’t the greatest communicator in the world. I’ve actually woke up to a lot of my wife’s’ characteristics since she left. Again too late to do anything about it now.
Oh and by the way, the grass grows from April to back end of October/early November, and it’s a hell of a job, so think I’ll just let the bloody stuff grow this year!!;)

  • SozzledSteve
  • SozzledSteve's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
29 Jan 11 #248367 by SozzledSteve
Reply from SozzledSteve
Hey NDND,

I lived the bachelor life for a good 10 years before un-settling down. Ironing is like riding a bike. I don't mind it at all. In our relationship I used to do most of the chores anyway! But I've since realised that I was just responding to covert abuse. Hey, looking on the bright side I don't have to put up with no more nagging, and I can take pride in having nicely ironed gear. Other than that I have much more time to myself. I guess I'm lucky in one sense - we didn't have kids. In another sense of course I'll regret that in later life. So hang in there and do your stuff and take pride in what you have and what you do.

Don't go changing yourself because of what has been done to you. Look at it as a lesson learned and you just have to be more cautious in future. Don't change. You sound like a really decent guy with good values who should be proud of his outlook on life and how he interacts with his family and friends. The kids know that so don't change. This is a hard time for us all, just dig in and keep up the hard work. This will help to let the time pass and the healing process take its course.

I was so devastated to know what a loved one is capable of. Especially when you've knocked your pan in and soaked up so much crap you think your partner must surely realise your worth? In my case I've had to face up to the reality she was keeping tabs on an old flame all along and the deceit there from day one was so hard to bear. Also the realisation that I was a scratching post all those years ago after she previously split up with the f**king vulture was just as devastating. But I will not change I have my pride I have done nothing wrong I have been wronged. I will just be more aware in future. Lesson learned.

Stick in. Appreciate who you are and what you are and you and the kids deserve better. Take care and look after yourself.

Steve

  • SozzledSteve
  • SozzledSteve's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
29 Jan 11 #248368 by SozzledSteve
Reply from SozzledSteve
Hey NDND,

I lived the bachelor life for a good 10 years before un-settling down. Ironing is like riding a bike. I don't mind it at all. In our relationship I used to do most of the chores anyway! But I've since realised that I was just responding to covert abuse. Hey, looking on the bright side I don't have to put up with no more nagging, and I can take pride in having nicely ironed gear. Other than that I have much more time to myself. I guess I'm lucky in one sense - we didn't have kids. In another sense of course I'll regret that in later life. So hang in there and do your stuff and take pride in what you have and what you do.

Don't go changing yourself because of what has been done to you. Look at it as a lesson learned and you just have to be more cautious in future. Don't change. You sound like a really decent guy with good values who should be proud of his outlook on life and how he interacts with his family and friends. The kids know that so don't change. This is a hard time for us all, just dig in and keep up the hard work. This will help to let the time pass and the healing process take its course.

I was so devastated to know what a loved one is capable of. Especially when you've knocked your pan in and soaked up so much crap you think your partner must surely realise your worth? In my case I've had to face up to the reality she was keeping tabs on an old flame all along and the deceit there from day one was so hard to bear. Also the realisation that I was a scratching post all those years ago after she previously split up with the f**king vulture was just as devastating. But I will not change I have my pride I have done nothing wrong I have been wronged. I will just be more aware in future. Lesson learned.

Stick in. Appreciate who you are and what you are and you and the kids deserve better. Take care and look after yourself.

Steve

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11