what to do next

wellmy wife has moved in with her lover, after he has divorced and bought a new flat! ( the affair has been going on for at least 2 years)the only problem is she has left me with the kids, and her mum in law, all my wages goes on the mortgage bills etc and her wage went on expenses, so having gone i am left with nothing, she says she will continue to pay her bit but i just dont know what i should do, i will have to sell the house, why would i want to live with her mother in law! she says she wants none of the equity(around 200K) but what the hell do i do with her mum! i have no spare cash to see a solicitor, and i dont want to stop paying anybills, seems she is even controlling our relationship while with him.

You will get more replies if you post this in one of the other threads. This one is about the site.

However, here are some things you can do:

1. ensure that child benefit is being paid to you as you have the children. You may have to ring the benefit agency and explain.

2. Once child benefit is being paid to you, you can claim child tax credit. Do that - you can earn really quite a lot (over 50K) and still get something. If you earn a lot less you can get working parents' tax credit as well.

3. Get a benefits check from CAB to see if you can claim anything else.

4. Work out what 'her bit' is and ask for it. Include the costs of her mum for the moment if necessary.

5. You don't say why you have been 'left' with her mum. Is she dependent in the way children are (i.e. needing actively looking after) or does she just live with you? If the latter, you need to discuss with her (the mum in law) what she wants to do. If she is active it might be worth your while not having her move out just yet as she might be able to help with childcare, etc. and having her still there would provide stability for the children. If she is with you because she needs care, then you may have to move her into a home or something if you don't feel able to carry on caring for her yourself. If that is the case then it seems most extraordinary for your wife to just leave her with you, but some people are unfathomable.

Good luck!

Sadie

PS. I think you probably will need a solicitor at some point. Dividing up assets etc. is complicated if you have children, and presumably you want to stay in the house if you can. You can get a fixed fee consultation of about an hour and these can be very useful if you think about what you need to know first. If you are really short of cash you might get legal aid.

Sadie

Think you need to talk to her mum. Ask her what she intends to do. What is her financial situation? If you don't want to live with her forever, perhaps you need to let her know, so she can make plans, but also let her know you are not kicking her out next week. She is a relation to your children and it would be good to stay on reasonable terms.

Forgive me, but when you talk about her mother in law, do you mean YOUR mother in law ? If she's your wife, then her mother in law is your Mother, surely.

If I'm right - namely that you are landed with your mother - in - law - reminds me of Les Dawson !! - then you may not necessarily be stuck with her.
I think that, technically, she is an ' excluded licensee ' - one of those very rare cases to which the Protection from Eviction Act does not apply.
Nevertheless, my advice to clients would always be, go through the Courts, even if strictly speaking, it is not necessary. . The Protection from Eviction Act is a notoriously complicated piece of legislation, and can give rise to civil and criminal liability. It simply isn't worth the risk of trying to a do-it yourself eviction, even if you might strictly be entitled to do it.

But who owns the house ? Just you, or is it joint names ? If it's in joint names, both of you are the owners and she's hardly going to join in with you in evicting her mother, is she ? Furthermore, what would be the effect on your children if you put Granny out ?

Have you thought what could happen if the your wife's new relationship breaks down ? Have you considered the possibility that she might change her tune some time in the future and try to claim a share in the house, or apply for spousal maintenance if she loses her job ? If you divorce without tying up the finances, this is the sort of thing that can happen. and I feel it is necessary to warn you of the risks.

I would advise that you consult the CSA website where you will find a calculator which will give you an idea of the likely position regarding child support.

I also suggest you consult a CAB for (a) a full benefits check and (b) as them to check the position about the Protection from Eviction Act. I have not practised in this field for many years, and laws change now and again.

After writing this and before posting it, I read the comments by Sheila and Sadie. Both of them make a great deal of sense, and I think you would be well advised to consider carefully what they say. As a retired lawyer I tend to think in terms of rights, but there is a human aspect to it too, and as I said, she is their grandmother and she may be giving you a lot of practical help that you may not appreciate fully until you lose it.

Mike 100468