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  • SerieA
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02 Nov 07 #5739 by SerieA
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Hi need some advice urgently, husband and i recently split in april after 19 year relationship(13 years married) after he decided after three months of counselling that he wanted out of the marriage, he has since left the marital home set up new home with new partner (whom he claims he wasn't having a relationship with whilst we were married but has agreed to divorce on the grounds of adultery as long as i don't claim costs against him and her)is insisting that the house and car be sold, claims he will pay the mortgage (which he made sure was in his name only) until house is sold but is unwilling to help financially with regards to our 10 year old son, our son is to reside with me but he wants access every day and every weekend as he has suggested that this will enable me to work full time in order to support both myself and son as he feels that he cannot sustain the £905 mortgage that he is paying as well as afford to live with his new partner in their new home. I work part time, earn a considerably lower wage than him and i feel that I am being bullied into caving in to his demands in order for him to move on freely unrestricted financially.
What should i do? My solicitor doesn't seem to think i have the right to stay in the marital home and that it will have to be sold. I feel that being with him so long must have to count towards me being treated fairly, losing everything that I have worked hard for both financially and emotionally over the last 19 years must have to mean something. Why should both my son and i lose our home, have to start again in a new one, probably with help from the state as i can't afford to buy one myself. Any suggestions would be appreciated!:(

  • Sera
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02 Nov 07 #5743 by Sera
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You fit an identikit picture of this posters' Wife!

www.wikivorce.com/joomla/Divorce-Forum/F...enance-how-much.html

Read that thread. :)

Oh, and welcome!

The sad fact of divorce, is that on seperation, reasons, blame, promises, golden futures and years account for nothing!!!

FACTS: Is all 'they' deal with.

If you have one child, your 'needs' will be deemed by a judge as two-bedroomed accomodation. As answered in above thread link.

Post more details, and you'll get more answers.

Lucky you that he's already moved out. That's his housing needs met.
There are no 'rules' in divorce, just guidelines. Your solicitor is right, you will probably not be entitled to stay in the house, and a Court could order a sale.
We're all pretty much in the same boat here, fighting for our rights to survive post Divorce Hell....

Sadly, the broken vows to not have a ££££ valuation in the game.

  • sexysadie
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02 Nov 07 #5748 by sexysadie
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Oh dear...

Don't agree to anything in haste.

Your husband is obliged to support your son and this obligation can't be negotiated away. He has to pay 15% of net salary for one child, less a percentage for any nights your child stays with him. If your son is spending the nights at your place then there is no reduction, even if he spends evenings and weekend days with your husband.


You and your son may also have a right to stay in the marital home until your son has grown up. You husband might keep a financial interest in the house until then, but the courts would not necessarily force a sale (though as Sera hints if the home is very large then they might expect you to move somewhere smaller). I don't think the thread Sera refers to says anything definitive - though the person who originally posted doesn't think it is fair for his wife to insist on staying in a 5 bedroom house. She might still manage to do that, though. I myself would argue that if children are already traumatised and disrupted by divorce they should be able to stay at least for an interim period in the family home.

If he has set up home with a new partner then his housing needs are met and he can't force you to move in order to meet them. The most important thing in this respect is the welfare of your son and his right to a secure home.

On the other hand...if there is a lot of equity in the family home and it would be possible to buy you and your son something smaller and have a Clean Break (because your husband already had his share when you sold the house you are now in)it does mean that you are not tied to him for the next ten years, and this could well be worth it emotionally.

If there is a considerable difference between your incomes he might well be expected to pay you spouse maintenance as well for a while, to enable you to adjust. You probably would be expected to work full-time in the long term.

With such a long marriage you would be entitled to at least half his assets - given that you have given up earning potential in order to care for your child I would think you would be likely to get more. And don't forget that you can claim a share of his pension.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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02 Nov 07 #5763 by SerieA
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thanks for the advice, it all just feels so helpless at the moment, friends and family are trying to help but they don't know the law and saying "i know someone who had this happen to them in their divorce.... this is what you should do" doesn't seem to help. The house has been valued at £147,500 and has an outstanding amount of £115,000 but there is about £18,000 of debt in total so this is why i think he wants the house sold(bearing in mind some of this debt was run up by him to fund his unreasonable behaviour that was happening during the last 3 years). Friends and family keep saying they don't know why i stuck at the marriage if it was as bad as i say but when i took those vows i meant them..(relate was my idea, both the counsellor and myself felt we were going to be able to resolve our problems as i had and was quite willing to forgive anything, but as it turns out he had other ideas and had been thinking of leaving 5 years ago, had made enquiries as to what he had to lose, financially and what he would have to pay the CSA, which is why he knows that refusing to pay isn't going to hurt him at the moment because that can take up to a year to be resolved if i get them involved which he doesn't want me to do, he is after all paying the mortgage and that should be enough!! I'm just trying to not become bitter because i feel that i'm probably better off without him anyway, but i can't stand the smug way he still thinks he can have this control over me, yes a Clean Break is a good idea but for who??

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
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02 Nov 07 #5765 by OBEs 1 canoodly
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Hi SerieA

Please check this out with a solicitor first but I am sure you can register an interest in the property at the Land Registry. Your marriage is long and it doesn't matter that the property is in his sole name. This will stop him selling it from under you. However, I would strongly suggest you take advice on this as it may have other financial implications.

As far as the debt of £18,000 is concerned, if this is a debt run up in his sole name credit cards or loans etc it shouldn't necessarily affect or involve you.

As there is not really enough equity in the home to sell it and buy you somewhere else to live and as his needs are met and you have a child I would see this as good reason for the courts to award a mesher order. This is whereby he retains an interest in the property until the child is 18. This could be 50% provided he looks after you both up to that time but if you cannot work full time for whatever reason during that time or he hasn't given reasonable maintenance it may be he will only be awarded 60/40 in your favour when it comes to sell. That will give you a bit extra to help kick start your life again. However other things can kick in too prior to the child attaining the age of 18, for instance if you decided to move a new partner into the home (male or female) or get remarried, decide to move or if you should become terminally ill he would be able to claim his share earlier.

As I said you must get some legal advice on this and it may be that you could go to a solicitor who will give you a free half hour. Go to several and get as much info for free as you can!!!!

Kind regards OBEs 1

  • Sera
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02 Nov 07 #5772 by Sera
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OBEs 1 canoodly wrote:

Please check this out with a solicitor first but I am sure you can register an interest in the property at the Land Registry.


I'm not a sol, but she's right! You have what is termed 'matrimonial home Rights'. (It's your marital home and he cannot demand you leave. You have a right to be there as his wife).

You can do it on-line, the links somewhere, (not to hand!) or go to Land Registrys web site for information. A solicitor will do it for you if you need help. It's quite standard, it'll alert you if he was trying to sell it above your head. He can't!

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