Has anyone successfully been able to go the mediation route and ended up with a fair amicable divorce/seperation all round?
I currently have my wife on side as she has cheated on me, and feels a little bad, we have great kids and don't want them to suffer of course.
We have enough even at 50/50 for a house each and a small mortgage.
My question is, can you start mediation immediatly before a divorce or seperation? and can you agree mediation based on the house even if not sold and once she is signed then that is it???
I guess I want to either legally seperate or divorce whichever is quicker, get into mediation, agree amicablly the split and then sell the house all before her family who are a bunch of stirrers get involved!
I also want to not have solicitors involved at all if possible, due to their stirring, I guess I want to just give my wife most likely 60/40 in her favour and thats it.
Can Mediators butt in and say you should be giving more etc?
I dont know much about the mediation route, but why do you need to go there if you and your wife are amicable?
If you can both be agreeable on what you decide between yourselves and neither of you are being underhanded in any of the finances, then you can both do everything yourselves with no interference from anyone.
What you really need at the end of all this is a Consent Order, but even if you get one of these one can go after the other if no legal advice was sought at the time of the order.
But....i think! if you both can agree and it goes in front of a judge, he/she should ask you both to court if he thinks its unfair, he will ask you both if youre happy with the order and will stamp it up, once you have that order, although people have gone back, its more difficult. So if you can show it is fair and was fair, i.e.you are totally upfront about your finances with each other then i doubt very much once its been signed and stamped by a judge anything would change later on.
As for seperation or divorce? only you can decide this.
Me? i am always wary about the "2" year seperation path because can you really move on? Are you actually free to start new relationships? Once someone else comes on the scene people change, your finances change ect ect.
I dont honestly know whether you can get a consent order on finances before a divorce, someone will know on here im sure.
I dont even know actually, if you could both go and see a solicitor together and work things out, it would be better, than seeking seperate advice as its often conflicting and the start of one being pitched against the other.
Maybe your best course of action would be the CAB bureau.
Or maybe someone else can answer your post for you and give a different point of view.
If there is one thing in your post its that you seem in a desperate hurry and one thing i can assure you is its going to take time, like you say once someone else gets involved then things change, but there is nothing you can do about that at all.
I wish you well in whatever you decide, my main advice is try and stay friends or at least be amicable with each other, it will be much easier in the long run for all concerned.
Also maybe try out the calculator on here and see if what you say is fair. Without a proper total of all your assets and debts, wages ect, no one can really say what they think is fair.
Thanks again Louise, yes you are right I am in a hurry, my wife is being extremely amicable at the moment but once her family become involved I know that will change.
I guess this is why I think that legal seperation maybe faster and then get agreement worked out, perhaps mediation is best then at least legal advice is taken at some point rather than us both just saying lets sign this off.
I want a total split agreement if possible as you mentioned to protect me from her coming back for more.
So does anyone know best way to get consent order and would a judge think 50/50 or 60/40 was fair in any case even if we had agreed that as husband and wife?
What you are actually after is a Clean Break. This can be done with the Consent order. But like it says its a "consent order" and you both have to be agreeable with it.
To be honest this is the way i beleive it happens...please tell me someone if im wrong.. or even if there is another way of getting one.
1) One applies for divorce and issues petition against other, on that form it says something along the lines of " do u want to apply for ancilliary relief, i.e obtain any financial orders.
2) If you do then you issue form A, telling the courts and the other person exactly what it is you are applying for...I.E a lump sum order, Spousal maintenance order, pension provision ect ect.
3) You both file form E and serve all relative papers on the other...12 months bank statements, p60 ect ect.
4)You both agree a financial split.
5) It goes before a Judge who if it is fair stamps it and seals it.
6) You get your Decree Nisi,
7) 6 weeks and 1 day later you get your absolute!
Hey presto its all over!
MMMMMMmmmmmmm between numbers 2 and number 4, this part can take years!!! Years Of back biting, arguing, tooing and frowing between courts, solicitors, family get involved, new partners come on the scene, ex's to be wanting to know all finances about New partners, Kids being torn between parents, one spouse getting into debt, other partner spending anything they can just because they think other partner is going to pay the consequences, the list is endless and hideous! I honestly believe some people will crack up with the stress of it all.
You have to try and try to remain on some sort of friendly ground (even if its only till the end of it all) bite your tongue and be amicable if at all possible, because if you dont then be prepared and make sure you are strong enough for the battle ahead.
I wish with all my heart people could just accept that a marriage is over and not try to score points off each other because the only people it hurts throughout all this is YOU two and the kids!
I wish everyone well with whatever path they choose and i will always try where possible to offer support and advice.
Glad yo are sensible and thinking of mediation.
I went to mediation and found it ok.
Both of you have to agree to mediation and it will be set up very quickly.
You have an initial interview to discuss the aspects that you wish to agree too.
You will be interviewed seperatly at the first meeting them jointly if you are on good terms.
Mediation is cheaper than court and if god forbid you end up in court it stands you in good stead.
When you reach an agreement you will both sign it , although this is not a legal binding document it helps both of you set out your paths forward.
You can at anytime return to mediation again if you both agree.
Get in touch ASAP and get the wheels in motion.
Things can change between couples at the drop of a hat and those who were once on good terms can change into monsters.
Are mediators solicitors? -Why is mediation cheaper?
If you agree a voluntary financial arrangement between you and send it to court to get it rubber stamped can it be rejected as unfair by the judge to one or both?
Can you reach a proper financial agreement you can rely on without exchanging Form E?
Mediators are not solicitors most are what were the old family court welfare officers, they are cheaper as the go by the sessions not by the hour.
You can also receive free mediation if you are under a certain threshold and the price rises with your income. They do have a web site so you might like to check it out there.
I had a written signed agreement via the solicitors and he renagated on this, Again it would not stand up in court although it was mentioned.