Following on from my 1st post, the 2 children are 6 and 2 and a half, the house is worth £140000 with a £100000 mortgage on it that he pays for along with everything other than utility bills in the house, he earns £300 a week nett of tax and ni and i believe his wife is getting income support, child tax credits and possible child benefit but not sure of the child benefit or not, her name is on the mortgage as well even though she doesn't pay for it, my boyfriends rent is £600 + council tax and bills etc. They've been married for 5 years and 5 months separated since June 06. We are not co habiting at the moment as i will be going away fro at least 6 months when i come back we will be living together. Neither of them have any significant assets over £500 apart from the house, she has no debts in her name, he has credit cards of about £2000 and overdraft of £2700, he doesn't have a pension and neither does she. He has said to her he will pay a deposit for her to move into a new home once they're house is sold and start proper maintenance payments for the children but he can't do that while paying for everything else. Does anyone have any advice? They have agreed they need to sell the house but she is being difficult. Obviously his children need to come first but surely he needs to be able to live himself which he can't at the moment. Help?????
So should he try and get her to agree to sell the house etc before they go through a divorce as she will no doubt be just as difficult agreeing to a divorce as at the moment she's laughing really! He has tried to talk to her but they constantly argue in front of the children which isn't good for them and she tells them that daddy doesn't love them anymore which isn't true or fair and she uses them against him and refuses him access most of the time unless it's convenient to her, can she do this? He wants to buy the oldest child a payas you go phone so he can call him without speaking to her but she won't have that and just ignores his calls. It's heartbreaking to watch him hurting over not seeing his kids and the stress he's going through is starting to affect him physically now! How does he go about getting a mediator? Is that part of a solicitor's firm?
It's much more difficult to argue in the presence of a third party so meditation or even collaborative law might resolve matters. He should as a priority try and sort out defined contact.
People often don't behave as well as they should and the secret is to try and ride out the storm without aggravating matters. He can't be responsible for her behaviour but he can make sure he behaves as an adult and doesn't put further pressure on the children.
They need reassuring he loves them and they are always welcome. He needs to spend time with them on his own and make it as enjoyable as possible and never, ever say anything against her in their presence. Also he should avoid reacting if the children say she has said something about him or you. A non committal response such as "Really" or "Did she say that? is all that's required.