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Can he get away with this- what do I do?

  • JustH
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04 Feb 08 #12776 by JustH
Topic started by JustH
Hello everyone,

I'm at the end of my tether- my Husband left 8 months ago after 22 years married.

Two kids 20 and 14 (obviously only one dependant but a 20 year old man costs a lot to feed!!) both spend every night and day with me.

Husband a freelance in IT for 21 years, in same contract for last 15 years. He always threatened that if we split he would make himself 'unemployed'.

He has been stalling on disclosing his finances for months to the point that my solicitor threatened him with 14 days or would go to court for ancillary relief. Deadline tomorrow.

Surprise, surprise, last night he casually announced in front of my 14 year old daughter, that he is ending (losing according to him) his contract this Friday.

He has constantly earned well over 80 grand a year and now says his income- 'if he can get another job' will decrease dramatically.

He left me in the FMH and still pays the bills and gives me 100 pounds a week. I am on benefits, tax credits, income support, legal aid.

He also spent 110000 of a joint amount of 147000 from a second property we sold and would not let me have any. There is 28000 left.

His mantra is 'if I have no money you can't have what's not there'

He is a complete bully and I just feel like giving up and crawling under a stone.

It was a joint decision that I would be the home maker, and he could not have built his career and worked away so much had I not been.

I am also an only child and the main carer to my elderly parents.

Any advice at all please?

  • gone1
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04 Feb 08 #12779 by gone1
Reply from gone1
JM. This is a sad tale of woe and all so common. He has left you holding the baby so to speak. If he has abandoned his 15 year contract that looks bad for him. The courts see this sort of thing all the time. Also if someone is spending money to dispose of it this also looks bad. You sol will also have seen this sort of thing before and will have questions ready for your ex.

What can you do at this stage? I would go for ancilory relief. You have no choice and there is a lot of money at stake.

Its common for women to forsake there careers and look after children. I would say you need some compensation for this. Further you will need time to get back on your feet and establish some sort of career to be able to support yourself. If appropriate you could apply for interim SM to cover you until the court order is in place. This could take some time as the ancilory releif process is slow. Have a chat with your sol and start AR proceedings against him. It should be him that crawls under a stone. Not you. Be strong, Chris.

  • JustH
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04 Feb 08 #12799 by JustH
Reply from JustH
Thank you for your reply ChrisM

Am in total despair at the moment, just can't believe he can do this to us

Thought I was going mad, but you've confirmed I'm not

Just waiting for a call back from my solicitor

Then off to the gp tomorrow for valium or something simiLar

And, no I'm not joking

Taken it all really badly

Some weeks can't even afford to put petrol in my car, and when I can I'm constantly in fear of it running too low

How can people who once promised to be everything to each other end up like this

Sorry, rant over

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