If you can , try to get her agree to a family mediation to sort out the finances. They are very good & dont take sides. They also have a fantastic way of shutting up unreasonable requests from wives who take all thier legal advice from mates at coffee mornings. It worked wonders for me. We are even talking civily now , both have a deal we are happy with , & I,ve even secured Shared residency !!! 2 months ago we were hardly talkin !! Well worth a punt.
Thanks for your usefull comments. The odd thing is that she was the one who asked for a divorce. She had a married man waiting in the wings who then refused to leave his wife.
Am I the one who is paying the price for her rejection?
We have done various budget planners together and with her wages, tax benefits, family allowance and my maintenance payments would have enough to get by with a little left over. She would be looking to make £40k on the equity proceeds which would give her further income from the interest. Even if she dipped into the capital at say £200 a month it should last until the youngest is 17.
My main concern is that I have enough money to rent a small house that my children can come and stay with me in. She keeps mentioning a bedsit which, in my opinion, would not be suitable for the contact terms we have agreed.
I just want enough to be able to play an active role in my kids upbringing in the future.
Stuey , my ex kept on mentioning bedsits & one bed flats. But the bottom line is these are totally unsuitable to have kids stay in & besides its got absolutley nothing whatsoever to do with her where & how you live. Get to mediation , its woth its weight in gold.
The court usually look at the needs of the children, and the primary carer, (which I assume is your wife).
Children up to ten can share a room, but kids of the opposite sex need their own room. (So I believe). So the court would also consider the age of the kids.
If you had a 3-bed house, they'd need to occupy that, and you'd need to go elsewhere, depending on what you can afford, dictates where you'll live. If there isn't the luxury of two homes,then you need to be realistic, and you can't magic it out of thin air. A guy I knew with four teenagers, had them on the floor, in his bed, on pull-outs etc, in a two-bed flat.
Your wife cannot dictate where you'll live. That's down to the finances.You'll also need to consider the emotional needs of young children, they may not like the strangeness of a different place. They may not like packing their pyjamas and teddies.
I strongly advise against a court case, if you're not getting legal aid, then a full case can be really steep. (Mine in 1999 was £50,000). Or you could represent yourself, which is hard work. (My documents, after 16 yrs, was 990 pages in three lever-arch files), and I had to know where to put my finger on any requested Bank statement, Tax return or Pension form.
My ex wanted the court route, he refused mediation, and the judge awarded me my legal costs. (I had heard that if you do have to go to court, and you represent yourself, you have the right to charge your professional fees to your wife, although I'm not sure if that stands today??)
I understand her 'taking you to the cleaners' remark, as is mentioned she's scared, and although she's instigating this divorce, she's not being realistic, and obviously wants the 'package', without the man! Single-parenting is hard work, and she probably wonders where the money's coming from!