Enough is enough

What a nice fella I am - but the worm is turning.
so after findingout she had been having an affair for 15 years of our 18 years of marriage and the kids are not mine I stay with her for another 10 years then we call it a day -the kids are now adults.
Last July we split the money down the middle - although she has maybe £20,000 extra in clothes and jewellery. She then asks me for an extra £10,000 so she can get the house she wants and I say yes (!!!).
There were some outstanding bills etc that she incurred which I said I would settle (£700)and she would pay me back - so now she says she will not pay me that £700 back - and that has really p*ss*d me off.
There is nothing at all in writing. She earns £30,000 - I went to part time thru stress before we broke up and only earn £11,000.
So I am just wondering what my rights are. I do not think I would actually press her for anything but legally could I reclaim the £10k, half the £20k, the £700, alimony cos I supported her while she was getting the better job, or ---nothing ?

Hi Pierre,
You havn't said if your divorced, in the process or just living apart. You really need to get some professional advice. Try a free 30 mins with a sol. Make some notes and make the most of theose 30 mins.
You are a very generous man and I just can;t believe how understanding you have been.

One word of warning, you x? or XTB? could start ancillary relief at any time (not if your living apart though). Try to get some sort of legal Clean Break order on the basis of what has already occurred.

Good luck

seperated but we lived apart/together for 18 months til we sold the house, and in seperate houses for the last 9 months.

ancillary relief , do not know what that is - but how on earth could she possibly claim more off me when she earns three times my wage - and I know I could see a solicitor, but I thought someone on here might know whether, legally, I could reclaim any of the things she got as we had nothing in writing ( just to use as a threat to get the £700 - all I am looking to recover)

If she earns more than you then you are entitled to maintenance from her. Also you be entitled to a share of pension incluidng state, personal and corporation pensions. If she has deceived you for so long then she probably has already prepared herself for divorce. You need to be clever.

Actually, Fredstone, it's not that simple. Spousal maintenance is usually only payable in the short term, while someone gets on their feet. Given the length of separation already, then it might be hard to establish that it was necessary. As far as I can see it's only usually paid to people who have had a long period of financial dependence during the marriage.

It is actually very difficult to say anything at all about the relative entitlements of Pierre and his wife, as we have very little information. For example, Pierre, do you or your wife have a pension? If you post proper details on here then there are people who may be able to help you - or you could go for a free or cheap initial consultation with a solicitor.

Sadie

I know I could see a solicitor, but I thought someone on here might know whether, legally, I could reclaim any of the things she got as we had nothing in writing ( just to use as a threat to get the £700 - all I am looking to recover)

I am not looking to claim pension or anything like that - I am just asking - if anyone knows - whether I could legally claim back the 'extra' I gave when we seperated , or more specifically the £10000 - could I say I have changed my mind and want it back, as nothing was agreed thru a solicitor and we have still not started divorce proceedings?

Pierre,

Im in 2 minds answering this post.

My main thought is .... why the fuss over 700 quid.

My wife took 100% of our assets (over 250k)
leaving me with just my pension plus 40k in debts.

Certainly 700 quid aint worth taking any action over.

However - if you wanna just threaten action to maybe get her to cough up the 700 quid then I just communicate the fact that if you did go to court...

- you could (possible but unlikely) get spousal maintenance awarded in your favour, maybe 20% of her income for 5 years
- the court will reassess the whole split based on todays asset value, and could transfer assets between you based on their findings [this works in your favour if her assets at todays value are worth more than your current assets - if its the other way round you could shoot yourself in the foot]

The courts will decide maintenance and asset split based on needs so you will do better than 50:50 if the court finds that you are genuinely disadvantaged vs her in terms of earning capacity, and not just doing part time cos your lazy etc.