Hi, please could I explain my situation and ask for advice.
I have been married for 28 years, since the age of twenty and gave up my job at 27 years to bring up my two children at home - now 18 and 21 years old.
I have found out that he is seeing another woman and has been to a solicitor, although he hasn't said anything to me yet. I am thinking he is looking for a divorce - pretty sure really, and to be honest, if he isn't I am.
My husband has just been made redundant (it never rains but it pours!)and is on £50+ a week job seekers.
We have a £250,000 house - mortgage paid and £70,000 savings. We also have a property in Europe with a £50,000 mortgage worth around £80,000
We are going to have to sit down and discuss this very soon, but I need to get my head sorted first and part of this is to find out financially where I stand. I have tried the calculator and its coming up with a 30/70 split of assets - my way - is this correct? With all the savings I am assuming no state handouts.
I am at a loss at the moment trying to work out the money situation with him out of a job much less with a divorce or at least separation looming.
Has anybody got any advice please?
I am surprised that he even gets job seekers allowance with the amount of savings you have but there you go, I dont really understand these things.
Anyway, the best advice I can give is................Its how you two want to split things thats fair, a court expects you two to come to an agreement, the only time really a court intervenes is when you cant agree, sometimes a court will order something neither of you are happy with, so it really is in your best interests to sort this out yourselves.
There are no hard and fast rules as to what you are entitled to in this divorce law, its all based on your needs, kids needs, ect.
If the kids still live at home even though they are at an age where they become finacially independant, they still need housing at the mo and a court would consider this.
You are best to sit down and discuss this with your husband and try to reach an agreement between yourselves.
Forget what the calculator says, its only a guide and it has teething problems at the moment. At the end of the day its what YOU feel is fair, dont let it get out of hand if you can help it, i.e. resort to solicitors and fighting through the courts, it can cause alot of heartache, misery and money.
Thanks Louise - you get job seekers allowance for 6 months, apparently around £50 per week. Kids still at home - well at Uni too, so based at home, so I would like to keep the home as a base for them.
I really cant get my head round all this and am trying to figure it all out and act in a calm way, before we discuss things - so it doesn't breakdown into a slanging match.
I totally understand how you are feeling at the moment and this is why it is best to really have a good think about where you want to be and what you want, before you rush into things. Seems to me you have a good head on your shoulders.
In this type of situation I do the following, might help you if you do to at the mo.
I write a list of.....Short term, Med term and Long term.
Short Term ....My immediate needs and concerns.
Medium Term ....Where I want to be in say 6 months.
Long Term ....Where I see myself in say a year.
Whether I actually stick to my plans is another thing, lol but it gives me an idea of where and what I should be doing, to reach my goal.
Any help any of us can give, just shout, someone on here will always be willing to help, even if you just want to chat to someone, its a fantastic site and you will be glad you found it! I wish it had been around when it all started for me.
Thanks Louise - its good to talk - I have friends to talk to, but they haven't been in this situation themselves and can offer support, but not so good on the practical implications, money etc.
I don't know if to prepare the kids or to wait until its a done deed.
Damn good way to diet tho' - down 3/4 stone in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!
Just some information for anyone looking at this thread. You can claim Contribution based Jobseekers Allowance for 6 months if you have the relevant National Insurance contributions. This is not means tested. After the 6 months or if you do not have the relevant NI contributions you can claim income based Jobseekers Allowance which is means tested and with an upper limit on savings of £3,000.
Current rate for either benefit is £59 per week.
I waited weeks for mine to come through although it was back dated to date of claim, but I suppose this may vary from area to area.
Fio, Have you concidered Family mediation ? I used this & cant sing its praises enough. We both went in at logger heads & emerged both happy with the agreement between us. We even speak to each other civily now.
Basicly you both sit in a room with a trained mediator & disclose everything. Its all there in black & white in front of you. The mediator then sets about helping you come to an agreement. They are completley on the fence & will point out if one of you are making an unreasonable claim. It really is a great help & a damn site cheaper & friendlier than squabbling via solicitors. Our sessions were arranged by my ex,s soliciter although it is possible to book them yourself. If I were you I,d seriously think about doing it.