I have been married for 14 years and have two children, 12 and 10. My marriage broke down over 2 years ago and we very nearly started divorce proceedings in Nov 05 but we both decided to try again, but it is now over, although we disagree to the reasons why, but I don't love my wife and haven't for a long time but my two children mean the world to me, nobody else involved.
We have agreed that my wife will petition the divorce (not sure if this will come back to bite me, as she likes the control) but (and this has alot to do with why I believe our marriage broke down) my wife does not believe that I am entitled to pay for somewhere to live (I have left the marital home).
Even if I have been offered a place to stay initially for nothing, with a friend, do i set a precedent by staying there rent free?
My total financial situation is complicated but if I am prepared to pay all of the stoppages in the marital home out of my salary whilst she and the children continue to live there. (she starts work again in September) I understood that it was reasonable that I could pay to rent a property that would be acceptable for my children to stay (ie 2 bedrooms) before we split the remaining cash to live on?
I have so many more questions but in short I have done a budget which clearly shows projected outgoings for both of us and then I have suggested a split of the available monthly cash, but she is not having any of it...
I guess my problem is that whilst I have agreed to let my wife petition the divorce, it is me that has left her. She does not see mediation as way to reslove the financial situation but to attempt to find ways win me back.
She believes that if she can blame me enough for leaving her by using our finances then I will just go back to the FMH.
My biggest concern is that I set a precedent that I can afford to keep paying for her to live in the FMH and that I believe she will refuse to sell the FMH in hope that I will go back.
My parents live locally and I can take the children there, which is okay in the interim, albeit she does not want me to take them anywhere where she is not in control.
I can definately see this as a marathon and the very hardest part is no not lose my temper when all is not going well.
I have read your posting and one thing you don't mention is whether your wife works or not. My marriage broke down when I discovered large debts run up by my husband over many years. And on seeking advice from a solicitor he explained that as I had a full time income that the courts would not impose a large burden on my husband.
I have two children and as we had comparible incomes the settlement could be as little as £400 per month.
We are now over a year down the line, my husband lived with his parents for approx 10 months, when we sorted out the initial finances, i.e. remortgaging and debt settlement. He now has a 2 bedroom flat where the children can stay with him. We settled amicably on £550 per month, which allowed both of us to manage.
I feel that your wife might have taken legal advice and may be taking everything she can get at the moment, and I would encourage you to take advice from a solicitor sooner rather than later. I do not think that living rent free in the short term will change the settlement in the long term
My wife will start a new job in September (she has not worked for a number of years) she is a qualified classroom assistant and will work 15 - 18 hours a week, but with the tax credits that she will be due should net around £1100 per month. Her hours are set to increase towards the end of the year to 20 - 25 hours per week.
Firstly she states that the tax credits that she gets will not form part of her income? And therefore won't form any tangible part of the financal settlement? Is this right?
The problem with the lawyer is that she does not seem to want to commit to telling me how much is reasonable and I am really concerned that what I do now will set a precedent.
I guess that I have to get somewhere to live and not try not to build up any debt.
I'm not sure about the tax credit status. I know that when I apply for child tax credit for myself that the amount that my husband pays me is not needed by the tax credit form, it is based solely on my income and my childcare costs. It also excludes child benefit. So it would make sense that this is part of her income. Your solicitor should be able to advise you about this.
If you move out of the house there are other ways of saving money, make sure that the council tax rebate is requested, they will backdate this for quite a number of months, and the bill is reduced by 25%. also if your wife is only working part time, she may get working tax credits and free school lunches. it is definately worth checking out. You can do all of this very easily on-line so its no real bother.
I have been thinking about your posting and I hope you don't mind me saying but it might be better for you to divorce your wife, as from what you say she doesn't really want a divorce and she could take a long time to complete or even stop it altogether incurring lots of extra costs.