Readers of my blog will know that my wife and I thought that we could have an amicable split on which basis she would petition for divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Her total unreasonableness in the last 2 weeks, and my resultant anger, has led me to consider opposing the divorce ( we've only been married since May last year.)
I think I have a good chance of saying that watching tv and asking where my money is going isn't really unreasonable.
Clearly then at some point in the future we would get divorced even if it's after 5 years separation - how much would the court allow me to spend of my savings, the only asset, in the meantime?
For example, I've just subscribed to a sports channel; would this be regarded as excessive spending?
...let's face it D... if life was so 'amicable', none of us would be divorcing in the first place!!!!
It's almost an idealism that doesn't exist, because it's a contradiction. There is malice, spite, hate, love, losses, fear, wrath.... regret, worries, insecurities..negativity!
...and we're expected to jolly it along.
There will be a division of assets at the time of dealing with the financials. That you watch too much TV in your depressed state is probably understandable, and justifiable. (Big Brother inmates are my new best friends)
My first divorce, my husband stated he had a gambling problem. He spent 18 months prior to the financial hearing, withdrawing thousands (in cash)... I knew he didn't even like casinos, so I put him on-the-spot, it turned out he had many $$$$$$$ stashed in cash in a safety-deposit box. (He ran off with this American lady he'd met via the Internet)... and was depositing cash elsewhere for their future.
Courts will see from the activities on bank / CC statements if it looks like cash is being embellished.
That you subscribe to cable TV, I doubt is questionable.
(You could even add it to your utility bills list surely?)
With regards to opposing the divorce because you're peeved by the 'unreasonable behaviour' reasons given, this may help you to see it different.
Basically unless you want to wait 2 years the only way to get a Clean Break quickly is for one of you to cite UB. The reasons given may be looked at by a judge and my solicitor told me of one case where a divorce was rejected because of them, so they have to read in a way that makes a judge take them seriously. Because only one can do this the other has to swallow the reasons nomatter how ridiculous. It's tough because it feels like they are having a go but ultimately if you can keep things amicable then get out as quickly as possible, things get more and more complicated the longer you hang around as the trust in the relationship is gone and suspiscion has a habit of lurking.
your support is much appreciated. I'm sorry to hear what your ex tried to do, Sera, did you get the money back?
Kacee, I see what your saying and it was my attitude when told I was getting divorced. Since then the relationship, even such as it was, has diminished to such an extent that there is nothing to save (I think I was kidding myself that there ever was!) Now the only thing that might stop me opposing the divorce is if it increases the financial settlement to wait 2 to 5 years; if we collectively spend more on solicitors then it's less money for her to spend on her lover. I promise anyone reading this that I know I would feel differently if there were kids involved and some semblance of friendship had to be maintained for their sake...
By the way I'm not peeved because UB will be tried and I agree with your reasoning that it's the only one to use. She hasn't actually settled on any reasons yet. I'm extremely angry, however, that she does not take responsibility for her actions and expects me to pick up the pieces, surely I should be the one using it but she got in first! I think I must have been watching telly at the time:P
I'm the same as you in that there are no kids involved, different in the sense that I wasn't watching TV and managed to get in first . It hasn't made any real difference. I left him due to 'genuine' unreasonable behaviour but was told to 'tone down' my reasons cited so as not to inflame the situation. Hasn't made a blind bit of difference as he's still doing everything in his power to punishing me for leaving! We haven't spoken since January and never will again! about as amicable as Churchill and Hitler I'd say!
We did do relate, but he refused to discuss the one point that we couldn't talk about without deteriorating into a blazing row (long story as these things are but to do with my ownership of my mothers house, now the main point of contention in the everlasting divorce). So it was pointless really but did give me a chance to be heard about other things he'd done so on that front good. The relate lady terminated the sessions because of his attitude so that made me feel like I wasn't being stupid/paranoid/unreasonable.
By that time there was no point in mediation, he was making threats about all sorts of stuff and so the only cause of action for me was to get solicitors involved as I was on the verge of giving in to his demands.