Pre-court settlement-how much weight?

My x2b has just been raving on at me that her solicitor says she will be charged if I insist that her agreement is ratified by the court before I part with any money (I've been insisting on a Clean Break by Consent Order ratified by the court.) So far she hasn't even petitioned, that's being put together on Thursday, if she is to be believed.

She's been bleating on that her solicitor has only applied for 3 hours legal aid as if that's my fault! Get him to apply for more, I would have thought!

Anyway, she was begging me to accept her word that she would not ask for any more money after I pay out, with no guarantees, £10K. And, by the way, she'd like that straight away, please! I'm still not absolutely convinced that there is a divorce taking place.

So, my dilemma is pay her £10K and hope the court looks kindly on it or insist that the process is followed to the letter. Any thoughts anyone?

Hi

I think you know the answer to that one! After reading your blogs, I think you know how much she changes her mind.
Why are you waiting for her to Petition you? Why dont you do it?
Also I have read somewhere that you have around 180k in savings? How come shes only getting 10k or 15k? As for her solicitor, she needs a new one!
and As for the courts looking kindly on it? well that all depends on what Judge you get on the day. One could say you were being kind, another could say you should of paid her a lot more! Depends on all the information that the court process brings out.

Louise

Hi Louise,

it's great to get another viewpoint as everyone so far has said she isn't entitled to very much at all, legally or morally.

The amount is based on the fact that the savings were brought into the relationship, that there is no property or dependents other than the dog which she wants me to look after (huge vets bills), that I have a a very low income which is at least half of hers (albeit her income is benefits), that a larger voluntary payment to her would reduce her benefits and therefore make her worse off financially, that she is making me homeless.

Surely the courts don't talk in terms of "kindness" do they? I defer to your experience in this, but it would really annoy me if they expect me to be kind to her after what she has got up to and the risks she has taken with my health. I was hoping they would try to keep emotion out of it and go for fairness, need or legal interpretation.

Thanks for reading my blogs and I agree with you about her solicitor, but I'm only going on what she tells me. She might never even have met with him!

I think I'm waiting for the petition because I didn't know we could both petition, wouldn't that just confuse the process?

Your comments are very valuable, thank you.

You know what I think, my friend ! This visitation is but to whet thine almost blunted purpose, as Shakespeare put it rather more eloquently than me. Or, to quote Kipling, I think, once you pay the Danegeld you never get rid of the Dane.

If you hand over the loot, and she blows it and comes back for more - don't say I didn't warn you !

I really think you need to see your lawyer. The only thing I can think of is an agreement, under seal ( very important ) which clearly incorporates a statement that both of you have had legal advice. He or she may be able to think of other ideas. But the bomb proof advice is to get a consent order as part of divorce proceedings. I think it is important for your peace of mind that her claims for SM are dismissed.
Mike

Mike, Hi and thanks for that advice. I wholeheartedly agree.

Louise, I re-read and noticed I brought up the word "kind" first. I was of course referring to whether the court would agree with the payment when I said 'looks kindly on it'.

Also to anyone, the start of the thread looks a bit aggressive in retrospect. It was written immediately after an abusive phonecall from my x2b which she knows she can get away with 'cos I'm the most passive (correction non-violent bloke around.)

Hi All,

Surely with £185K in the bank you aren't really going to be "homeless" are you?

Also haven't I read somewhere a case where assets brought into the marriage were still, in part, put into the "pot"??

The court will only agree to the consent order and "sign off" on it if they think it is a fair deal, regardless of whether the two of you think it is fair (is this only in cases of no legal representation tho?). The court has powers to do whatever it wishes, I'm sure I read a blog somewhere about this "nanny" culture where the judge can stamp all over what you have agreed and order something different.

Kindness doesn't come into it at court and sometimes even fairness doesn't, have you made sure you have had some legal advice? What does your solicitor reckon to it all?

Are you asking for a consent order (clean break) being drawn up having both exchanged financial information to each other? I dont really know exactly but my guess would be that a judge wont agree to it if no financial information is presented.

You both seem as though you are eager to get an agreement drawn up as soon as poss so one of you needs to do something soon

Thanks Dockley,

I know 185K is a lot of cash; it's just dropped to 180 with "the credit crunch" by the way but I'm hoping it will recover. I can't buy anywhere locally for that money - I suppose I could move further up country? but that means moving away from my support network and the point of it is to live off as my only income is 4K ill health pension and about £40 (gross) per week casual work.

The thoughts people have shared with me are that a court would order a minimum payment of £5K being 50% of the £10K it had grown by during the 2 year co-habitation (including 14 months of marriage.) That if the court are minded to exceed the minimum, that she might possibly get 10 to 20% of the total pot even though her income is higher than mine. The divorce caculator states that she should pay me £250 per month maintenance, but I can't see that being awarded! It was also suggested that as she had wanted fast money a reasonal offer would have been £10K (kind of based on reciprocity really). She had agreed this until she realised her solicitor will, rightly, want to take their share via legal aid.

When you say, get a move on, do you mean I should also petition at the same time as her?

Thanks for your valuable comments.