The thing here is, you brought the savings into the marriage, fair enough, but she provided you with a home, the flat is in her name. Some could say that, that allowed you to earn a nice amount of interest on "your" monies.
Also morally???? It does not come into it at all, she could of slept with 5000 men and brought them all home and shoved them all under your nose, it does not matter one iota!
I totally understand where people feel bitter when they have been wronged by their partner, but the courts dont look at behaviour unless its violent and such like.
I find it wrong that when two people marry and make a "contract" that there does'nt seem to be any consequences.
What i am trying to say is........when you marry, the contract between you is, " love, honour, forsake all others ect ect, when you break that contract, what happens? You divorce. But why is it that you are allowed to break "that" contract but financial contract still carries on! Like why if a woman has ran off with another guy, should she still be entitled to her husbands pension? Or vice versa? During the marriage it becomes a promise that each will look after the other ect, when one breaks that promise, then surely all other sides to this contract should be broken too! So i beleive conduct SHOULD be taken into account, maybe it would make alot of people think before they give up on marriage in the first place.
Hey ho off I've gone again!
You dont already own your own home now so there's no need to move away just so that you can do so.
You can stay in the area you are already in and rent privately. Not sure how local authority go about allocating council housing with savings of that amount in the bank? Does it count?
When I say "do something soon" its because she seems eager for cash and is constantly changing her mind and you seem to want an agreement of cash settled between you both without court/solicitors costs escalating.
Have you had legal advice? I would imagine you dont qualify for legal aid? Maybe a free half hour somewhere and then you could petition her? Didn't I read she had committed adultery thereby giving you grounds?
I'm not sure how, but I think we're managing to have an argument here despite both having the same set of values!
I was trying, perhaps not very well, to say that I know that morals and ethics are not considered by the court so I certainly agree with you there and wish, like you, that it were otherwise but it ain't so we have to get on with it.
On the practicalities: the flat isn't in her name, it was a joint tenancy. Choosing to make herself "intentionally homeless" as the council put it does have an impact on me as it means that I can't stay there anymore, according to council officers, because my single entitlement is to a studio flat. That is exactly why she put in her notice. Both the council and I have advised her against her course of action; I could have easily negotiated a departure for myself and left her in the flat, but she or her advisors seem to think that anything I suggest must be bad for her in some way.
The cash was intended to buy the flat on a right to buy so she would have owned 50% of something without paying a penny. Does that make anything clearer about how she is not acting in her own best interests right now. I think that she's never considered that sort of money before and having access to it all at once kind of went to her head a bit.
Please don't "shurrup" as you put it I agree completely with your views on marriage and divorce in comparison.
thanks for your response. I did say "homeless" didn't I and not "roofless". Haven't checked back yet. The council have assured me that I would be entitled to go on the homeless register as a result of her actions, after the notice period is up. So I'm reasonably sure that there will be a roof over my head whether it's B&B or private rent or my mum's (and paying her rent obviously). What I mean by homeless isn't perhaps what other people mean - I mean, being without a home. For example, where I'm forced out to is extremely unlikely to take the lovely pet dog that she has lumbered me with, no matter how high the rent.
Council housing, by the way, isn't allocated on the basis of savings or even income.
You're right that she is eager for cash, but she doesn't want to do anything to achieve that end. For instance, she phoned me tonight to say she might not be petitioning after all. Seems to be worried that I might contest her grounds, wonder what that's all about? Anyway she seems to be saying maybe we could stay married and I just pay her £10,000 for the hell of it.
You're right, I don't qualify for legal aid of course. I've spoken to a solicitor today, but she couldn't see the sense in an appointment this week as I haven't even been petitioned yet which is what I've been thinking all along. We've provissionally booked an appointment for next wednesday.
Yes, she admitted adultery to me, but says she would perjure herself (my words) to the court as he is adamant he doesn't want any involvement. His partner and her kids are apparently oblivious of his unfaithfulness. I've tried to tell her he wouldn't have to be named, but as in so many ways, she's not playing ball.
Thanks for all your comments and your continued interest in this winge. I think overall I'm doing quite well for just one month in to this maelstrom called divorce.
MOI? argue? me? never! I'm a woman, we, women dont argue, we discuss!
Sorry I thought it said somewhere that the flat was in her name, but with the amount of stuff I read on here i get confused sometimes. (and thats something that I NEVER normally admit too! lol)
Yep the marriage vow thing drives me nuts really, makes me angry when its clearly one parties fault and then that party seems intent on bleeding the other party dry in any way they can.
But then such is life and people.
I dont understand why you dont just petition her for adultery you dont have to wait for her to do it? Its whoever gets in first so to speak and you have more grounds than her by the sounds of it! What could she petition you for? She cant divorce you on the grounds of HER adultery. Also if you did at least you wouldnt be in limbo land anymore. She would finally know you are serious and she cant keep dangling you on a bit of string.
Thanks, Louise, for your continued support.
You are more experienced than me, I think, so let me ask you: would there be any point in me petitioning her over adultery if she is going to contest and I can't provide any proof? Would that not just be a waste of money for at least one, and possibly both of us.
If an amicable settlement is possible with me pretending that I am "unreasonable", is that not better for both parties?
Admittedly it has looked extremely unlikely in the last few weeks that we would have an amicable agreement, but she is putting my offer to her solicitor tomorrow so fingers crossed!
By the way, I meant "argument" in the sense of contrary positions not a "row". I hope I have managed to communicate how much I appreciate your and Dockley's interventions?
I cant beleive your ex even has a solicitor to be honest, surely things would of been moving by now, as for all this give me 5k, 10k no make it 15k, its just very strange.
If she had a solicitor im sure by now you would of recieved a letter from them informing you that they are representing her. Especially as they get around £20 plus vat a letter.
Anyway if you petitioned her for adultery, I doubt very very much that she will contest it, if she does then the 15k she wants??? Well that will dissapear quicker than butter melting in the sun! (dunno where that came from! lol) Even if she gets legal aid, she will still have to pay it back. Her solicitor should advise her to not contest it, but then again they make money the longer something goes on, so you never know.
Anyway what ever is going on in your life, i dont see that as reasonable, its a mess and me? i like things in an orderly fashion, so i make a list and do each thing on my list methodically and top of my list in your position?
Well it would read something like......
1) Nip court, pick up papers for divorce.
2) Fill papers in.
3) Send them to back to court.
4) blah blah blah
Then i would feel more in control of my life and where its heading.
You are different to me though so dont take my advice if you dont want to, all im saying is you seem to be in limbo land and you need to get on with your life and no which direction you are heading.
I wish you well