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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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She point blank refuses to sell the house

  • LEWIEE
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22 Aug 07 #2257 by LEWIEE
Topic started by LEWIEE
Christ where do i start. Came back from friends house one night in May to be met by my wife on the stairs telling me she didntlove me any more. Asked her to sit down and work it out, but told me there was no point that she had made her mind up and thats how it was. She started a new job 2 months previous, working around younger people and decided she didnt want love me anymore. We had been married 9 and half years and have 2 wonderful girls aged 8 and 3. Within a few weeks she'd set up new IM account stating she was single, and started dating men from her work. Well it all got too much for me and for the sake of my own sanity and that of the kids i moved out to live with a friend. Well she now has a new bloke (surprise surprise who works at her new place of work),and he is sleeping at our house 2 to 3 times per week. The final straw came a couple of weeks ago when he slept there with my girls at home, without letting me know. I at least thought she would have the decency to let me know. The worst thing about it all beng that my mum and dad live opposite to our house,so i cant even go there without having it pushed in my face. I am currently seeing a solicitor but everything seems to take so long.
I initially agreed to pay 20% of my net income child maintenance and half the mortgage. I now am begrudgingly paying this as i feel why should i pay for another man to sleep with my wife in our house!
She refuses to sell the house, even though we only lived there for 1 year, saying today it would happen over her dead body!!
She only works 16 hrs per week and is currently getting a fair sum in tax credits.
Just find it hard to accept that i wanted no part in this separation, i tried to get a reconcilliation with her,even after i found out she had slept with this guy, and i am the one who has lost everything. For me to buy a new propert, even a 1 bedroom flat, which would be no good when i have my kids round, just isnt financially viable, with what i am paying her.
Do i just stop paying the mortgage? I dont want to hurt my girls but im being pushed into a corner.
Mine and my familys life has been turned upside down by a woman i thought loved me, who has turned out to be someone i dont even know:( .
Thanks for your help in advance.

  • Sera
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22 Aug 07 #2269 by Sera
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Just saying that I know exactly where you're coming from. Same thing happened to me, my husband just 'changed his mind' (I suspect he's seeing another woman). This past month he's tried agression, violence, intimidation, solicitors threats to get me to leave, and I'm still here!

I think my ex is trying to sell the house over my head, and embezzle me of money. I took legal advice, they said I should not leave 'for his convenience'! It's hard to stay put, but if I left he could claim 'abandonment'.

If I was you, I'd walk straight back in that door. I'd suggest to her that she conducts her sex-life away from the family home, and away from your daughters.

Keep a 'conduct diary', and keep your cool! (Impossible I know!)

If there is to be a divorce, the courts will base a settlement on 'need'. And usually the carer of children will stay in the matrimonial home. You may keep a share of the equity in it, but she'll probably stay until they are at least eighteen.

Lots of advice here on where you stand, but I'm just suggesting that you don't let her 'bully' you out of your place, so she can conduct her fantasy life there.

I know you're hurting, it's called 'Divorce Hell'. You loved this woman, and to know she's in bed with another lover must hurt like mad.

A month ago I was missing the love I'd shared with my loving husband, since then I've stayed here, and seen this man I once loved become an ugly, manipulative, controlling MONSTER! When I finally have to go, it'll be this disgusting human being, and his hatred of me that I won't miss!

I'm missing the love less and less as the days go by.

It will take time for you to get through all the legal channels, you're right, it's a very slow process.

  • Medivac
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22 Aug 07 #2274 by Medivac
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I'm just learning now how hard it is to leave someone, not because of love, but bacause you can't afford to.
My wife has not worked since our first child, so I've always provided for us all, we now have 2 great kids 7 & 3, but our lives are drifting apart, well after 2 years of me sleeping on the sofa, it kinda brings things home. I've suggested a trail seperation, so I'm staying with my brother, now that I'm looking into it I wont be able to afford to pay the mortgage, and rent/buy my own place as she has no income, and it's in her interest not to have any either! I'm so angry at the fact that after 6 years of paying for a house I'm looking at getting only 20% if she ever agrees to sell (I think not) or she lives there for free, and my life is in a money starved limbo til she decides to move on, or the kids are 16/18.

well isn't life fun !

  • Sera
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22 Aug 07 #2277 by Sera
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It still remains your right for now to continue to live / co-exist in the matrimonial home. Why make it easy for them to shaft you?

Some of my friends have weighed up the cost of divorce, not just the legal fees, but the reality that they cannot afford to uphold both FMH and new flat, with a second set of bills etc.

Some couples get through with a 'Marriage of Economics'.

(Same house, independent lives from each other, seperate rooms). OK, that's NOT a marriage, but it's a stop-gap until all the divorce issues are legally dealt with, which could take a long time.

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