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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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mediation...does it work

  • Fiona
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26 Aug 07 #2420 by Fiona
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26 Aug 07 #2421 by shazza32
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thank you fiona...yes im well stressed and worrying myself to the point of sickness and not eating..i no i have to stop.when we split up 3 yrs ago it was about 6 months after he gone i worked myself up thinking about repo,money children and work,just how was i gonna get through it all,i ended up catching shingles whiched covered my face,what a mess it was 16 weeks off work which i did not need ,with no pay,my doctor told me this was due to stress anxiety and nerves,i hit rock bottom,but luckly i had support and pulled myself together.Im now feelin im gettin myself all worked up again,the thought of being in that room with him is killing me no end,no sleep cant eat.he never contributed anything and now i have to give him money from my house,the house which is ex council,which i got 7 yrs discount from them,his name was not even on rent book,cause he never paid a penny.I just dont want to go in there get annoyed and cry in front of him,keep tellin myself be strong and hard,you better than him.only 4 days to go lets see hey. thank you all

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26 Aug 07 #2422 by gone1
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Fiona wrote:

It sounds as though you are very anxious. If you could learn some techniques to help you relax I think you would feel much more in control. Anxiety can be controlled by breathing and relaxation techniques, and by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. These methods are straightforward and can be learnt from books, the internet, video and audio tapes, through counselling, and attending relaxation classes.

Often the techniques employed are based on the principles of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). Your GP may be able to help you access a large-group, lecture-style CBT programme. He or she can also advise you about local support groups run by and for people with similar problems. There are also classes in anxiety management and assertiveness training. Learning how to handle difficult situations and to stand up for yourself can make you feel more confident and, therefore, more relaxed.

Taking more exercise also can help you cope with anxiety and feelings of tension, and make you sleep better.


What Fiona says is correct. But there are some some on line courses available that may help you. This one that I used and I found it very helpful. www.mindtools.com/stress/RelaxationTechniques/IntroPage.htm

You are under a lot of presure and you have high levels of anxiety. When I was like this I was either fully awake and super alert or I just crashed. I would be up one minute and down the next. This sort of stress can be very damaging in the long term and some sort of relaxation will help you dump the stress and allow you to function properly. I went to the gym during the most stressful period of my breakup and it helped me sleep a lot better.

I know what this feelings like. Its horrible. The good news is that you will get over it and time is a great healer. Be kind to yourself at this difficult time. Eat well try and exercise and control your feelings of anxiety with some basic breathing control. It does work. Chris.

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26 Aug 07 #2434 by Fiona
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26 Aug 07 #2435 by shazza32
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thankyou fiona for your comments and helpful advice,and i will keep you all posted on how it goes on thurday.thank you again to you all.

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27 Aug 07 #2457 by divwiki
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Hi Shazza,
I agree with all the other suggestions on exercise, breathing, etc.

Additionally you might want something you can use just before you go in. Check first with your pharmacist if you are on any medication, but Rescue Remedy which can be bought over the counter in Boots etc is useful for anxiety symptoms and the fear of anxiety symptoms. Use the liquid and just use one or two pipette droplets on your tongue.

Rub this screen for luck too!

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27 Aug 07 #2467 by sexysadie
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Or even prescription beta-blockers from your doctor, which stop panic but allow you to function normally otherwise. University students are sometimes prescribed them for exam panic.

Sadie

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