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mediation...does it work

  • shazza32
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23 Aug 07 #2323 by shazza32
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Hi chris its just not fair is it...i have asked my soli and everyone should he be contributin they say they cant make him..bull s**t ..3yrs i have struggled now cant go straight to court have to do mediation 1st..does it ever end..would not mind but the k**b lives 2 min round corner and all his family,his mum says i owe him pay up..what about u grandkids u would see them on street...well im in debt to the max and i cant see a way out of it..and he smiles and says sell up then, pay him off, and i can have rest to pay debt...god sake i wanna scream..and where do u kids live then.please tell me theres light at the end of tunnel..sittin in a room with a man i detest and hate to give him half a house he never paid for. His 14grand a year wage to my 4 half grand year wage and he dont have to pay its so so wrong..im at the end of my teather..

  • sexysadie
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23 Aug 07 #2326 by sexysadie
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Dear Shazza,

I do feel for you. Have a good cry and then take lots of deep breaths and try to stay calm. If you have to go to mediation then you just have to try and get through it. But my understanding is that trained mediators do understand that many people feel like you and will be very much on the alert for you feeling upset and intimidated. Try and see the mediator as being there to protect you.

Good luck!

Sadie

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23 Aug 07 #2327 by shazza32
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hi sadie...cry thats all i done for last week ok 1 min then cry next..and cried for the last 3years of going through this hell..just want it all over with.My parents said sell up get out of there pay him off pay debts..live with them til i sort myself new living arrangements..so nice of them i no..but i cant bring myself to do it to me and kids...girl 12 boy of 6,and there own rooms and everything they would have to give up..its not fair on them.my mortgage company took me for repo over 2 yrs ago..luckly i stopped them and have payed the mortgage since..and he walks away scott free not payin a penny...but wants half the equity...think my tears are all washed up after 3 yrs stress and pain...lets see what mediation brings me

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23 Aug 07 #2347 by Sera
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Shazza,

Don't be bullied into leaving your home! In court you'd probably be awarded to stay there, with the kids. You do have to attempt mediation. Stick by what YOU want, not what he bullies you into suggesting.

I've got a phone convo with a mediator next week, so I'll get back to you after that. I've told the mediator that I'm too raw, and it's all a bit premature, that's not saying that I won't mediate..... I wanted to go to councelling first. I'm sure they'll understand the pressures though. You have to do this, otherwise a court will frown on your failure to mediate.
Good luck. Try and leave your emotions at the door. Put on your hard-hat and fight for what's right for you and the kids!
Don't be intimidated by this calculating bully!

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24 Aug 07 #2392 by IKNOWNOW
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I wish I could say I knew what mediation was like but I am still waiting for my initial appointment. We are going to mediation to discuss contact, my solicitor doesn't think it is even worth discussing finances at mediation. As far as contact goes he hardly spend any time with them in just over 10 years of marriage now he suddenly wants to see them - I put forward what I feel is reasonable (although he works a 16 week rota so no real routine) and the best structure possible he he wants to arrange the rest of his life first then give me a couple of days notice when he can see his 5 children - but wants to pick and choose who depending on his mood. Mediation is going to be fun as it depends on whether he is Jeckyll or Hyde that day - he has no consistency. Will keep an eye on this posting. I'm sure mediation works for some. I have to try because I am getting financial assistance. Hope things pan out ok.

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26 Aug 07 #2414 by shazza32
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thankyou to u all, only 4 days to go and its mediation, s**ting it big time,and your right i have to stick to my guns and not be bullied,wish life was that simple.My head is banging cant think about nothing else,its been nearly 3 years and never had to see or sit in same room as him up until now, i want to be hard and try and work it out,but i no once we in that room there will be alot of arguing,he no what he wants he said 50%perc nothing less,my emotions are all over the show,i want to stay calm,but he no what buttons to press,i will get annoyed and angry and when that happens i cry, which is not what i want to do,i want to show him im passed all that moved on and happy,and that he will never get to me again. The mediator said it could take up 7 sessions or more to sort it out,and if that not work it will go to court,which can take up to 8 months to get there,i cant wait that long,if that happens it will be nearly 4 yrs separated,,its a joke, thank you all i will keep u posted.

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26 Aug 07 #2419 by Fiona
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