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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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Final divorce hearing looming , what to expect?

  • cavegirl
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31 Aug 07 #2679 by cavegirl
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Rob, are you ok? Sorry to be waffling on about my worries, when you started the thread. How are things going with you?

I guess it’s the fear of the unknown, the fact that one has to justify oneself to people who have the power to dictate our immediate fate. That is the scary part for me; having to defend myself in court where my ex will be.

You see, I felt emotionally bullied by my husband; this is something he has no idea about. I waited two years to petition him as I just wasn’t in a good place emotionally to be able to cite unreasonable behaviour as the reason for divorce.

I hate the thought of a FH and would like to avoid it if at all possible. I am concerned that he will say that I was a student when we met, while he had the assets to start with and therefore I never contributed anything. Plus, I wasn’t good with paperwork during the early days.

It all feels so stressful!

  • robdf2
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31 Aug 07 #2688 by robdf2
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once again thanks to everyone who has posted.

I have a few more questions though so please bear with me ;)
The bundle that has been mentioned im a bit confused on this point.
Is it correct that the bundle from my wifes solicitor has to be sent to me? (they want 10p per sheet :angry:)

Am i right in saying that the paperwork that they put in the bundle can only be put forward in court and used as evidence and that no other paper work can be produced on the day?
How can i get things added to her bundle?
its 7 days left and been told her bundle not ready?

Also do i have to produce a bundle? and do i have to give her a copy and the judge.

I have all my paper work with my ex solicitor but because i owe them £2k (im broke cant pay it) im doing eveything from memory :(

Im getting realy stressed out and making my self ill , to top it all i havent been allowed to see my children for 4 weeks and have now been told i wont see them this weekend either thats 5 weeks now , she keeps using them against me.

Cave girl thanks for the kind words , im the opposite to you been taken to court by my exwife , i offered her a mesher order 2 years ago when this all started and she turned it down and has done ever since,
She wants to scalp me in court and push the knife in as deep as possible , i have paid evrything for the last 2 years , played the nice ex husband thinking it would give me some movement with contact , how wrong i was
she has just taken and taken to the point now im broke.

My wife was bitter , jealous and viloent all through my marriage , she wants me to pay her £400 spousal maintanence , so i might have to pay my abuser after we are divorced , i cant even bear thinking about it.

I will be posting here even after my divorce to share my experiences and help people.
Good luck and if i can help please ask.

Unfortunatley i think im going to get shafted and big time.

  • cavegirl
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31 Aug 07 #2696 by cavegirl
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I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It seems so so unfair. To use the kids is unforgivable!:angry:I haven't kids, but I couldn't imagine doing this to their father if I did.

Surely, you are entitled to get your paperwork back from your ex solicitor? Will they not return it?

Is it worth going to see the CAB for an emergency meeting? Perhaps they can offer you some guidance? Could you get half an hour's free advice with another solicitor?

I am just starting on this road so I am afraid I don't know all the answers to your questions. Hopefully, some of the regulars will be able to advise you.

Try to think about what you can do that is practical, such as going to the CAB. Try not to think about what what might or might not happen, else you will drive yourself crazy.

I wish I had more ideas for you Rob, but I am a newbie at all this. Just wanted to say that I feel for you and that you are not alone.

Take care.

  • Louise11
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31 Aug 07 #2704 by Louise11
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Hi Robdf2,

What they have said and are doing to you is downright scandelous and ruddy unlawful.(Her solicitors that is!) I am sending you private email, if you email me back with your number I will ring you, if you want me to talk you through it all. I think in this case you are best to go for an adjournment,(but after we have chatted maybe you wont need to) I am not as I say below an expert but I know enough to advise you where this is going and hopefully put some of your fears to rest.

Please try not to worry, this really isnt worth making yourself ill over, although I know how you feel.

Kind Regards

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
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01 Sep 07 #2713 by OBEs 1 canoodly
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Hello Rob,

I am Old Blue Eyes Partner so this reply is coming to you from a woman's point of view, well my point of view actually, as I am appalled at the way some men on here including my OBE are treated by the law when it comes to divorce. However, we, like you, have had some dread over the FH which his wife, who will not see reason or negotiate at all, has insisted taking him down that very feared path. Its that moment where we all feel that someone very unknown to us is about to make the decision that we will have to live with for the rest of our lives! It's that feeling of having no control over your own future.

The reason that I have replied to you is to give you some very valid advice! When we first posted on this site feeling just as fearful and confused as you are now the lady that replied to you previously Louise11 has certainly been a great help to us. She rung me Rob and since talking to her I feel so much more confident about OBE going to court and what to expect, she has helped me overcome many of the fears and mis-information I have had about the FH. She is very well worth listening to Rob as she has much experience in this area only from her own experience as she herself will tell you she is not a legal expert but even so she knows enough to be able to make you feel a little more comfortable about things. She is not the divorcing person but the partner (like myself) of a man who is. Give it a go Rob send her a private message with your number as I did and feel better instantly!!!!


  • robdf2
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01 Sep 07 #2721 by robdf2
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Thanks mrs old blue eyes :)

Every time i visit this site i am astounded by the help and support i get , tbh i wish i found this site 2 years ago.

I think that once divorce process starts to take place you enter a stage of denial where you cant actually believe whats happening.
My wife has been so aggressive in getting divorced , only 4 months after we split i was served with divorce proceedings from her lawyer , and she has continually been agressive ever since , to make things worse she has used the kids in the midddle which has absoultley dissgusted me but my hands are tied.

I did get a pm from louise which she has offered to phone me , i have taken her up on her offer and given her my number.
She replied to me here when i was really low and gave me the strength to carry on she is great ! and i would not have got this far with out her help and support.

Since acting for myself some 7 weeks now i have asked lots of financial regared questions which they have deliberatley tried not to answer.
I had a reply from her solicitor yesterday saying that there is not enough time to answer my questions regarding finances and may we rimind you that the FH on 7sept is for financial reasons alone and she not be mixed up with your contact and other family issues.
Thank you Mrs old blue eyes for your support and encouragement, i am sure there will be a lot more posts to come yet.


  • Sera
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02 Sep 07 #2741 by Sera
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Cavegirl, we're past the days when men could grab us by the hair and drag us back to their lairs! ;)Although some of their species think that because they have a different set of genitalia, they have the deciding vote in life! :laugh::laugh::laugh::blink:

But, I was concerned about your fears.

Yes, a FH is scarey, BUT, it is the big light at the end of a very long dark tunnel. So, if you had to go to court, that would at least (hopefully!) put closure to it finally.

Don't fear it. He'll be the one exposed, because he's not being fair. (As you'd said elsewhere).

If he emotionally bullied you throughout your relationship, chances are he'll expect that's the way to continue.


Their bullying has not effect without a target willing to play victim. Stick to the 'financial' aspect only, as Rob said, sadly emotional or child issues are not considered at a 'Financial Hearing'.

Good luck!

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