Does anyone know exactly what this means? My husband - sole earner- left me last year. At the time he left I had no job, two children and one not in school. He paid nothing at all for the first three months, then starting paying 800pm (the obligatory 15% of his salary for 2 children - but not even a third of the monthly bills) and then 2 months ago, under threat of a court order, he has added 400pm SM. i am happy with this amount and am hoping to have it ratified by Consent Order. But it really irks me that my husband believes himself to have maintained the status quo after he left. He even managed to get his solicitor to put this in a letter - so maybe he's right? I however, feel he really jeopardised us and put us under unnecessary strain and that the swift and considerable withdrawal of money from our home couldn't possibly be described as maintaining the SQ.
Can anyone shed any light on this for me?
I'm not so worried about the moving-forward bit because i have a solicitor now who will protect me and advise me. but i'm still scarred by what happened when my husband left and i had no-one to protect me (having stupidly thought that was part of his role in my life). He had an affair, sprang it on me that he wanted to leave, did so, and then threatened to pay no money into the home he left unless the children and i moved out of england (to where he was at that time conducting his affair). I refused to uproot the children and he refused to give us any money. This went on for three months till i think he realised how serious the CSA are and he coughed up about 15% of his salary. Two or three months ago he added about another 6% in interim spousal. as i say these figures, and the moving forward figures are not the issue for me here (another day's work!). right now i am just shocked that he was able to calculatedly remove all money from our home knowing that i didn't have a job - and then wait for me to collapse and HAVE to do what he wanted. And he does believe himself to be a good person and even a provider for his children and i want to make him see that what he did to us at that time was wrong. (Though i am beginning to think it was probably fine in the eyes of the law). On top of the heartbreak, the Absolute fear and shock i went through in those first few months and for most of last year because of that action was really awful. And here he is - able to lie about it - to himself and to the system. and that hurts too.
(I'm not sure if i am making sense?)
but many thanks again
When someone is unfaithful its feels like someone has switched out a light.
Where your heart once was is a black hole but time does heal.
The rose tinted glasses of your relationship come off and you begin to see where the signs for what was actually happening were.
The small lies that didnt make sense at the time but you didnt want to question to much because ....
What your feeling is common (sadly) in divorce, how can this person you cared about suddenly treat you this way.
When I was going through my horrible divorce many years ago and the rows about finances seemed to fill my waking moments my dad said "Its only money its family that matters let go of the money but hold on tight to the family ." I did and haven't looked back since.
My x is the higher earner by a long shot. Basically I argued and was awarded at MPS that he pay half of the mortgage, half of the building and contents insurance (said I would drop the contents when he removed his personal effects from the home) in lieu of SM. 20% CSA and 50% payments to joint debt. On the income and expenditure forms I also added a very cheeky expence (which I don't want to say in case he's reading this!)
Fortunatley the Judge awarded me what I asked which was just enough to survive. I was strongly, strongly advised not to go into MPS by my solicitor. Which I accepted and ignored IMO I had nothing to loose and absolutley needed to fight him.
I'm sorry for your situation, but I promise you will come out the other side a happier, stonger person.