Well after 20 years of being a couple, the last 14 married, my wife 6 weeks ago out of the blue said she no longer loved me & wanted me to move out so she could have time to think.
I now know she wanted me out of the way so she could contact solicitors regarding a divorce!! I love my wife the same as the first day we met, hence my world is completely shattered. We have 2 great kids 8 & 5 who we both adore & we are trying to be as normal around as possible. I want the best for my kids and am happy for them to live in the house with my wife, while I live at her parents house, until this unpleasent business is resolved.
We dont have a huge mortgage, but it is way out of her league as she only works 16hrs a week. She has seen the mortgage adviser who turned her down flat.
Now what I am asking is, I have read people say that the courts can award that the wife & kids stay in the home, & that I retain the equity until they are both 18 or it is sold. Am I assuming then that I would be expected to contribute to the mortgage or am I still only to pay the 20% of earnings.
I am totally confused on this matter.
I dont want to see my kids on the street, but I will need to be able to live as well.
What you are talking about is a 'Mesher' agreement.
You will find plenty about it here and on the net.
There are lots of complications to watch out for and you will need legal advice.
Some of the wider issues are:
Financially, you are missing out on x% of the house's rental value, which in broad terms about 4-5% of your stake each year; this should be considered alongside SA to see how much support you are giving going forward. Paying mortgage only makes it all worse.
Even if things go smoothly (a lot can happen in the long time you will have to wait) when it comes to selling, you may not need the money then & it would have been far more useful to you earlier.
Watch out for capital gains tax (legal advice again) and the effect on your own ability to get your own place, particularly if you meet a new partner.
A lot depends on the detail, and up-to-date advice is essential.
As a mum who has struggled to keep the home of my children I would urge you to find a way to allow the children to stay in their home.
During such unsettling times it may be that the family home is the only remaining bit of stability that the children have; everyone changes during a divorce and to force a house sale may be the worst thing for them.
Please talk to a solicitor but beware of the agressive ones who may send you down the 'this is what you are entitled to' alley as any fight is good for them but disasterous for you; what about mediation?
What is your wife asking for or hoping for?
What do you need?
Can you offset spousal maintenance against equity>
Yes, you need legal advice, but do please remember one thing. That is, every case is different. No two divorces are exactly the same. So it is helpful to have a look at some general principles, which may be of some help.
It is certainly true that, in many cases, the parent with care ( PWC ) will have the right to continue living in the marital home while the children are still dependent. But it is not an invariable rule ; if the parties' finances are so stretched that it is impossible for the PWC to afford live there, even with such benefits and spousal/child maintenance as are available, it may be necessary to accept that both parties will have to rent.
There are a number of orders that the Court can make of which the so called Mesher order is only one. But they all have in common that the PWC stays in the house until the youngest child is 18, and the paths only diverge at that stage.Don't forget, as well, that the Court has to consider your housing needs as well - not only your wife's.
It does very often mean in lower income cases that some creative thinking is called for ; such cases can require much more ingenuity and creative thinking than big money cases where there is more than enough to go round. It may be worth your while for both of you to get a benefit check from the CAB as you are now living apart.
Hi Malee, you still love your wife, but it sounds like you have just rolled over & let her get her own way. She might say that she doesn't want to screw you financially in the divorce, but that soon changes when her solicitor gets going.
Your story sounds very similar to mine, 2 young children & wife tells me she no longer loved me. I decided to stay in our home, she works only 20 hours & is on a low hourly rate so can't afford to leave & rent. 4 months later we still live in the same home, & will do so until our house is sold. There was no way that i was going to leave my own home, just because she decided she didn't want me.
As regards "whats best for kids" your wife has already comitted the worst crime & that is splitting up the family. Don't think of her for a single second, she has betrayed you & your children 'big time'.
You have got a right to a good life, don't hand it all over to your wife, and please don't be offended by my final comments.
"Is she seeing someone else?" Would you be happy to give her your house & her to bring in her new man? She only works 16 hours a week, she has had plenty of time to plot the divorce, she's just got her own way.