my ex will not agree to settlement

My ex will not agree to settlement i asked him for £10,000 two years ago and a Clean Break he would have got a £90,000 house and kept all of his £23,000 pension but he would not agree. He told me i was getting nothing . so two years on he has force me to take him to court to get my half. he will not agree to any of the proposals i have asked for and has now cost me £8,000 in solicitors and court costs and i am at the end of my wits. he lied to the courts about his pension he told them he has £13,000 and he really had £23,000 and hid it in another bank account he didn't declare. He tried to tell the courts i had left him with two children to look after, he bent the truth. My children where 16 and 17 when i left and i asked them if they wanted to come with me but they said no they didn't want to live away from their friends etc . I had asked him to leave the house and leave me in it with the kids but he refused to go. He has drawn his pension early and it will be a month or so before a new court date and he has told my sons he his going to spend all the money off his pension so i get nothing . I can't get my half of the house because he has had a court order slapped on it so it can't be sold for 5 years because he has his grand-daughter living with him and he can't sell until she is 18. He wouldn't reply to any of my solicitors letters regarding the settlement for 6 months because he was making sure that his early retirement went through and got the house order through so it made it difficult for me to get anything, I don't know what to do and he keep trying to force my sons against me all the time but i don't want them dragged into it , can anyone help i have been through hell with this and my marriage he treated me like dirt all the 20 years we where married can't explain the marriage it would take too long . Thanks for reading just wanted to know if anyone else been through the same or similar experience. I really could do with some advise or guidance in the right direction.

Gwen. You sound like you are having a tough time. The courts have seen all these sorts of tactics before and it dont go down well I can tell you. Hiding assets and spending marraige pot money will go against him. The courts have massive powers. Your sol should be kicking the sh1t out of him. You can get all kinds of stuff. I would ask your sol why has he got away with all this. I am being divorced by the bitch from hell and I can tell U I am getting a good kicking and I did nothing wrong.

OK I can tell you this. Its something I have learned in life and its absolutly true. "The world rewards tryers". Keep on trying and you will get there.

Thing is you hit brick walls all the time and it feels like you are not getting anywhere. All you need is a break and the whole lot will come down. If you keep chipping away you will get there. I know what its like when you have a mountain to climb. But keep going. Another true thing is "you get a lot of what you seek".

Just think. He has to be lucky everytime. You just have to be lucky once and you are there.

So keep batling away and you will get there. As sure as eggs are eggs. Ha ha. Chris.

Thanks Chris for your advise I am sick of hitting brick walls with my ex all the time I feel like a bus with square wheels, you have given me a little extra zing to carry on. No one realizes until they go through it themselves what misery divorce is .

THANKS

Hi Gwen

I'm sorry I cant give you any advice at all but I can tell you that I really do empathise because I'm going through a very similar situation.

I left husband 5 years ago - my eldest son had left to live with his girlfriend, my youngest was still there but due to go to university.
He has over the years had many letters from my solicitor re divorce proceedings which he has just ignored. I really thought that he would give consent at the 2 year stage but I have now had to wait for the 5 year without consent grounds. He is still ignoring letters and it looks like I am going to have to take it to Court which is very scary due to the cost and I'm not entitled to Legal Aid because I work full time. I was married for 24 years before I left and worked the whole time (except for baby time off) to help provide my sons with everything and to make sure we had a good home. My solicitor suggested I try to contact him to sort out an agreement but this was met with the abuse I expected (plus threats to make sure I didn't see my adored first granddaughter again - he has already poisoned my youngest son against me and I haven't seen him for 2 years, which as you can imagine through your own situation, breaks my heart).
If he would have agreed a settlement 2 or 3 years ago I would have wanted just half of the equity from the house but because it has dragged on and I have had to rent, got into debt and will have to pay a small fortune to a solicitor, I now want half the current equity (about £75k) plus half the value of endowments and pension values so he has made it worse for himself.
I really do know how frustrated you feel by the lies your husband is telling now - mine is doing the same.
He tells people that -I left him with debts, UNTRUE - I took them with me, even though they were for household things and I never took anything except my mug and family photos from the home. He says I never contributed to the house UNTRUE, at one time I had two jobs to make ends meet (because he was paying 11% pension our income was less) i.e. full time plus evening and weekend. He says I left him to put my son through university alone when I paid £200 to him each month for 12 months until I was financially unable to carry on.

I really feel like my head is exploding with the worry and frustration of it all. I'm sorry I've gone on and not been able to give advice but actually I feel better for writing it down!

I hope someone can give you some guidance Gwen
Take Care
Julie x

Hi Julie. What a tale of woes? Sorry to here that your ex turned your youngest against you. People tell me its not possible but I know from experiance it is. My ex turned my stepkids against me. Not exactly the same as your son was your blood. But its horible when it happens.

I will tell you what was said to me. In time you will get your son back. He is your flesh and blood and opinions are fickle. He will see thru the poisen one day and will come looking for you. How long that is I cant say but one day it will happen. Its differnt for me as I am a step parent and they are only your kids whilst you are with the real parent. Blood always counts.

I would never do this again. Never will I have to suffer the wrench of loosing kids that you brought up as your own.

I am lucky in a way. My new partner has grown up kids so there is no parenting todo. I just could not go thru all that hurt again.

I was lucky that I was young enough to start again. I am 52 and I never thought I would be out on my ear at that age. It seems all that you do for step kids is for nothing. But hey thats life and there is upsides. No more dady taxi. No more homework. No more kids sponging money and no kids birthdays. The bathroom is always free. No wet towels on the floor, plenty of hot water now. See, every cload has a silver lining. Chris.

Hi Qwen
Again like Julie I cant give any advice as such other than I would worry about your legal costs spiraling.

You asked him for £10,000 he said no, your costs are now £8,000, he has an £90,000 house and £23,000 pension. Is the £90,000 all equity? If you continue along the legal route will there be any money to pay you out of the split?

Its awful I know.

How are your kids coping with it all?

Tinny

Hi julie

Snap. I left my husband over a year ago and have similar problems as you re the kids. Luckily finances are sorted now - I think he was desperate to get rid of me!

Ive heard others saying that kids come back in time too but even though I have my youngest some of the time, I cant see eldest ever changing his mind. I have no confidence in that ever happening.

ChrisM's post was so positive we have to hope that he is right.

Tinny