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I need to wake up and face the truth

  • JustH
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08 Sep 07 #3009 by JustH
Topic started by JustH
Have had such support from this forum, thank you all

I think it has taken a while, but have now accepted that he wants a divorce and has no family values and my marriage is over, I have been so nice to him, letting him just come in and spend as much time as he wants in the FMH, but he is so ok and I'm so not. He was a bully in our mariage and that continues.

I have a solicitor and a legal assistance certificate, but just cannot be bothered with my solicitor.She sends needless letters, which I assume I will be charged for, and, because I'm on Legal asiatance, I really feel like she is treating me like a second class citizen, even though there is a lot of money involved.

Can I or should I change? How to find a good ond- already changed once

My hubby is a high earner- 70000 PLUS, bmw etc., but has destroyed me to a point where I don't know what to ask for, I know I am depressed, and suicidal if it were not for my 14 year old daughter

  • IKNOWNOW
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09 Sep 07 #3019 by IKNOWNOW
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I'll be brief as I typed you a long reply and the site then logged me off so wouldn't post it.

See your GP to get help for your current mental state both for the sake of you and your daughter. Maybe get a referal to a support group or 1-1 counselling.

May I suggest you look into enrolling on an assertiveness course - usually run at local college or similar, this may help you a lot in the coming months.

As for your solicitor - it isn't any good if you don't feel happy with them. Make the most of the initial FREE 1/2 hour most solicitors offer to try to get a feel of a few solicitors - think whether you would prefer a female etc. & ask these questions when you book the appointment. Make the most of the appointment - write down points you want answers to - ask different solicitors different questions so that you get more initial advise. Don't feel pressured into making a choice too soon you need this relationship to work so that they are acting in your best interests - it isn't like selling and buying a house - this is your future. Ask around for personal recommendation although you are slightly limited due to being on Legal Assistance. I am on Legal Assistance & so far my solicitor has been great.

Look forward- don't be a victim. Bullies don't like it when the victim "fights" back.

Finally, remember your daughter is just that - try not to lean on her, find support from other sources.

Ask your solicitor about him accessing the house whenever, if this is having an effect on your daughter your solicitor could ask him to think of her before just popping round - although legally he has every right to come and go as he pleases. My solicitor asked him to refrain from "popping in" and so far it seems to work on the whole.

Any way I have waffled enough. Hope my advise has been some help. Take care - all the best. If you want to private message me for some 1-1 support I would be quite happy to listen. Although I am the applicant I have lived within a controlling marriage so hopefully know a bit about where you are coming from.

Keep your chin up and don't let him think he is still in control.!

  • Shelia
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09 Sep 07 #3022 by Shelia
Reply from Shelia
Agree with IFIKNEWTHEN it is important you have a solicitor you are happy with. It is worth having one you are happy with. I am told the CAB can be helpful with this. You have enough about you to know you are not getting proper treatment. If you have a good solicitor he/she would give you your options and the pros and cons of each. From that you can make informed decisions.

A control freak of a husband is a pain. Once he has gone and you start to make your own way I'm sure you will start to become the person you were meant to be, and twice the person that was married to the fat/thin controller! ( thinking of a nasty nickname for him helps even if you just use it in your head).


Hang on in there Juicymoon, the fight back has begun!

Shelia

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