I am starting mediation next week with my lying, cheating ex2b. We have been married for 13 years (together for 18) Three months ago he told me that he didn't love me anymore and wasn't prepared to try, yes you guessed right - he is having a relationship with someone else. He will not admit to it though. We have 2 amazing children aged 10 and 7, who he really does not deserve.
Anyway, our house is on the market and we plan to buy a smaller house for me and he will rent. If all goes well we will have no mortgage.
What I want to know is - Am I being unreasonable to want the house to be in my name only? He has a good job and earns 50k, my income is variable, I work part time when I can and on average this year have earned £350 a month.
He has a pension worth 53k at present, I have a pension that I payed into for 10 years but has had nothing going into it for last 10 years, am waiting to hear what it is worth.
I worry that if he has a percentage of the house what will happen when the kids finish education, can he make me sell the house? Can he stop me from selling the house?
Hi Autum. I think what you need to aim for is a Clean Break. This will mean paying him off. Its now or later. If its later then you will have a charge on the deeds to ensure that he gets paid. I think you can sell at anytime but he gets his money when you do. There is usualy an agreement that when your youngest reaches a certain age that you have to sell. You have at least 11 years (as your youngest is 7) to sell if you go all the way. The very good news is that in 11 years you should make enough money to be able to put down a substantial amount down on a new home. I think there is a proviso that if you get married in that time then you must sell. Check this out though. Hope this helps./ Chris.
Thanks, I won't be able to buy him out at present but yes in 11 years I would be in a better position.
Any ideas what percentage of the house would be reasonable for him to expect?
I am getting through the angry stage but feel very hostile towards him because he cannot/will not be straight with me, I do not trust him and I, look at him and just see a stranger, a very selfish stranger. I feel like he has let me and the kids down badly and that he should do right by us, I know thats not the way it works but heh can live in hope.
His job prospects are much better than mine, When I am on my own it will be harder to continue in my current job as it is anti social hours, so am looking into retraining and doing something else. I don't want to screw him for everything I can, but would like a bit of security for me and kids.
Hmmmm- this is a slightly unusual situation ! You are worried about being over-generous, and maybe you are being unnecessarily generous ( I know, they are saying the same thing about me ! )
If you have children, there is a very good chance that you could be allowed to keep the former marital home while the children are still dependent. However, I'm not necessarily saying that what are proposing is in- appropriate - it's just that most men in your husband's situation have to wait 10 years or so before they get any cash and yours is getting something now.
If you like, madam, and if you might find it helpful, I could send you a re-hash of some advice I have given to other posters about the various ways of dealing with the former marital home. It will have to be done by a private message, although I might even offer it to wikivorce, because the question does arise quite frequently.
Hi Autumn. I think it depends on what happens at court. But seeing as you have kids the split is likely to be in your favour. Like 60 - 40 or 70 - 30. The courts tend to favour women anyway. Even more so with kids. So you should be ok. I was lucky in that I got out with some money up front. I dont think I will get the rest. Chris
It depends on the figures of course but you should in my view press for a modest house outright in your sole name, particularly if he wants to keep his pension. That way you get jam today, which you desperately need, and he gets jam tomorrow, which is more likely to be his priority. His income will cushion him from any immediate financial problems - or it should. So much depends upon the fine detail of course, but "needs" are one of the principal factors in that checklist in s25(2) Matrimonial Cases Act which should guide the outcome of the settlement.