I can''t sleep and I need some advice. I don''t seem to get straigh answers from the solicitor.
I have been trying to get a divorce for two years, but my ex husband has an inability to keep a job so runs out of money. Plus he is a liar.
He tells me that he is living in a caravan park, but when I phoned them they said that they don''t know him. He says in is not living in london where he is working. He says that he is not living with anyone, but our child who is only just at school tells me that they only go this person''s house. He never talks of anywhere else and kids don''t lie.
I am suppose to sign the financial papers for the divorcee but don''t believe that they are true.
I also believe that his grandad died this year and he has come into some money, but that''s not down on the form Either.
My solicitor has sent them an email saying that we think he is living somewhere else. but he just denies it. Which is not unusal for him. When I was married to him, he lied that he owed his own property I had to prove to him that I knew that I didn''t. And when some money mysterially went out of our joint account I had to pay to prove where it went only to find out it was him!!
I just want it over. We were only married 3 years ( we have been seperated longer) and he had me so mixed up in that time I really didn''t know what I was doing, we spent over a £100k, which I am paying off, and he won''t contribute, he doesn''t pay any child maintenance and It seems that he is still entitled to 20% of my property!! how is this fair?
(The CSA are next to useless).
I can''t afford to go to court and because I have been careful and continued to pay the debt and have nothing for myself in the last 3 years I am now losing legal aid as I have too much equity in the property. doesn''t life just suck?
So what can I do? If I do prove he is living with someone does it help my case? Shall I just sign the forms even though I think that they are wrong just to get it sorted?
If Iget the Decree Absolute with the financial matters not sorted, if I won the lottery after that would he be enititled to any of it?
these are all questions I need help with. Does anyone know the answers or could give me some advice to help me sleep.
The d81 is the form you use for a Consent Order. If you are not confident of the information supplied then you cannot possibly know if the settlement you have negotiated is fair.
You should not agree if you do not have disclosure. You will have no comeback later.
How much money is involved here? It may be worth at least applying to the courts for financial settlement. Then he is answerable to the court.
As to whether what has been agreed is fair .... We would need more information to be able to advise.
Length of marriage plus cohabitation
Incomes inc benefits
Children ages and arrangements FMH value, mortgage and size.
Other assets - savings etc
We were married for 3 years and live together for 10 months before we were married.
Im 42 and he is 47.
Our child is four.
We have been seperated 3and half years.
Child arrangements are sorted, he has a court order to see his child every other week-end and one day during the week every other week. But he has not stuck to this since he got the order. In fact he didn''t see his child for nearly 3 months at one point.
He has accepted an offer of £5K- though my solicitor say the courts will not accept this as they don''t think that it fair for him. But I do think that the offer is fair.Though, nothing would be fairer, but the law doesn''t work like that and it doesn''t take into account the personal angle, that he has put me through hell in those 3 years, ive paid mentally(commiting sucide was an option at the end of this marriage) and financially as my net worth has nearly halfed in that time and seems to profit from it. He came into the married with nothing lying all the way, stating that he had a house and that he had savings and he had nothing I paid for everything and have been left with all the debt which he refuses to pay off. I can''t remortgage the property to add the loan to the mortgage as I don;t earn enough and no one would give me enough to cover the current mortgage that I have now! He has no worries about anything.
I seem to be working to pay him. and just surving. I''d be better off not working and living off benefits, not paying the loan letter it increase as it is a joint loan. Letting them repossess the house. Then we would both have nothing. He would like this as well as he is that sort of person!
I recommend any gold digger to get married it is just he easiest way to profit from someone who has something to loose.
So It just this D81 form which is not correct and I don''t know what I can do to get him to put the correct information down.
I still want to know if I get a Decree Absolute if I won the lottery a year down the line would he be entitled to any of it if the financial matters are not agreed. Even though I have tried to agree them?
If there is no legally binding financial settlement then he could make a claim in future. There has been a case where lottery winnings were claimed.
What I don''t understand is why, if you have 100k debts, you are having to pay anything . Or is the 100k just cash that has been spent? What on? Are you very wealthy .... Or were you?. How has the 5k been worked out.? Without answers to the questions it is hard to advise.
As I mentioned above your only other option is to apply to the courts for a settlement. This can be an expensive undertaking.
I am far from wealthy. The 100k was money that we spent. I had some money saved up and £25k went on the wedding, I remortgaged the house £42k some home improvements and new house items such as tv, dinning room table. Yes I still have them but they are part of the divorce settlement. Though he has not paid for them.
He ran up crdit card debt, £1100 on one and £3500 on another which I paid off, though I can''t prove, though I tried to get the information. He agreed to pay for his mums funeral without telling me, though she had a husband and three other siblings. That was another £4k that I paid as he went to CCJ, he tellingme that the husband was going to get the insurance money to pay it off. There were holidays and sports equipment such as skis, snow boards, boots, etc.
We took out a £25k joint loan for him to run a business, as a last straw, which is secured against the house. I tried to take £10k that was put by in the business, but he attacked me and told me I couldn''t have it as I was leaving him. So within three months there was nothing left and the business owed several thousands pounds, even though before I left the business was doing OK, breaking even.
So all that is left is my house. Which I had 9 years before we got married. And I still think should be mine. I don''t understand why the courts want to give him money from it. I worked so hard to get that property and I feel like I am working hard just to keep it.
He never contributed to it. He was in and out of work. It has only increased in value by about £20k during our marriage and I think he had that money!
And all that he earnt he definitely spent on himself or doing what he wanted. I did get him to pay some money towards bills and some towards some of the holidays.
He was in and out of work. I supported him during those times.
I did have a good job, but now I struggle myself with work as I can''t deal with any stress and any changes cause me stress. This last tax year I have earnt about £13,500. I am hoping it will improve for this tax year.
The £5k was just what I was prepared to offer him and he accepted. Well kind of as I say he hasn''t fille out the form to my believe that truthfully so he is saying we should go to court. but as you say it is expensive and I don''t have the money.