Mediation

Has anyone had mediation? Was it useful? Did you achieve what you wanted?

Thanks for any information.

Hi
I''ve not been through mediation myself, but the process is to try and avoid lenght and expensive legal battles. It only realy works if both of you are prepared to look for a solution, if one or both of you are fixed in what you want then its not going to work.

LB

I don''t know about achieving what you want. The aim of mediation is to find ways forward through compromises that can work for both parties. It''s a win/win situation as opposed to traditional win/lose advocacy where the aim is for one party to achieve the best possible outcome at the expense of the other party.

Thank you both. Thats what I thought and would like. The judge has refused to sign the Consent Order due to unfairness financially in my favour. I don''t want a costly battle. But realise I am entitled to more than what my ex has offered.
I will put it to him to see if this is the way forward.
Thanks again.

Has the judge indicated what he would see is ''fair''?

WR

In my son''s case mediation was suggested by the Judge. Both he and his ex. each went to a separate session. When it came to the joint session my son''s ex. refused to meet with my son and turned up with her boyfriend. My son then had a further separate session.

The outcome was that they both complied with the Court, no compromise was reached or even suggested and it cost my son over £200 that he could ill-afford. It probably cost his ex. the same.

The mediator concluded that she could not help any further.

I am a mediator, so I have a vested interest in saying that mediation works well, but it can and it does. Much will depend on the attitude of the divorcing or separating couple and on the individual mediator - like all professionals, some are better than others.

I am sure you have read about mediation, so I won''t repeat its benefits here (if you haven''t, have a look at www.wikivorce.com/divorce/mediation/Arti...oute-to-divorce.html) (you may need to copy and paste the link), but what I will set out are some of the things I have seen.

Mediators do not have a magic wand and we are not always successful, but I have seen couples start talking to eachother without getting upset or angry and slamming the door. I have seen a couple begin to listen to the other side''s point of view. I have seen a couple start to trust in eachother again. I have even see a couple become friends again although their relationship was over. I have seen the leaden weight of uncertainty lift from a separating couple''s shoulders as they gained a better understanding of what the future might hold, and I have seen lots of couples come to an agreement without spending a fortune in legal fees. I could go on but you get the idea.

Perhaps I should add that mediation is not for everyone and I have also seen couples that were completely intransigent and refuse to move their positions in order to come to an agreement. (It is very frustrating when, as a mediator, you are pretty sure that the difference in their positions is less than the amount they are likely to spend on legal fees.)

Find a good mediator, and give it a go. If it doesn''t work, you can abandon it. It will be very unlikely you will have wasted money as you will probably have clarified some issues more cheaply than doing the same via a solicitor.

Good luck.