Ok I am not getting divorced but rather getting married but I think you are the people to help me out with an issue.
Been with partner almost 10 years -1 year of that we sort of split up cos he cheated.
Anyway, we chose the house we live in together in Nov 2003 and he bought it. (he is 20 years older than me at 46). In the following feb i moved out cos of the infidelity.
Anyway we got back together 1 year later and moved back in.
I have put my interior design ideas into the house and asked to go on mortgage a while ago, it didn't happen so i refused to pay rent until he did, although I do by things for house and pay food.
Now house is up for remortgage he is ready, especially as we are getting married, to put me on, however on his terms which i was shocked about.
He wants me to sign to say only I'm entitled to 50% of enquity from day i sign onto mortgage. He is putting in his contingency plan should it go wrong, I undertand he wants to protect what he has built up over the years but I am hurt.
So what I am askin is does this become void when we marry? Would i be entitled to more?
I have put a lot into this relationship, for a long time, I love him, have taken on lots of baggage and been heart broken at times, feel this is a snub. Especially as i am sacrifcing a family to be with him as he can't have kids.
From where I am now I wouldn't. But then I'm coming out the other end having put a lot of trust into a relationship and it having gone wrong. It seems rather a strange attitude just as one is about to marry, though maybe it is just sensible. Has he been married before and lost a lot?
It's none of my business, of course, but marrying someone so much older than you with whom you've been more or less continuously since you were sixteen seems to be much more worrying. Are you sure you won't end up always being the child in your relationship, particularly as you aren't going to have children together? Don't you want to see whether you can have a more equal relationship with someone else? Is his approach to the mortgage maybe connected with the inequality in your ages, and maybe a power imbalance in your relationship?
I beleive hes just protecting himself from it happening all over again, however hurtful that maybe for you.
I doubt if you signed anything it would be worth the paper its written on anyway.
I think if its a very short marriage i.e. two years or so, I doubt you would be entitled to anymore than what hes asking for anyway, but if it lasted 20 years or so then the equity that is in his house now would just end up being swallowed up in whats called marital assets and i doubt a court would after so long take it on face value. I think he probably wants you to sign something called a pre nup but i have heard also these aren't worth the paper they are written on. (Maybe someone can quote the real answer here)
I totally understand how hurt you must be feeling in all this but..................until you have experienced the hell most people have gone through in all this divorce law you will never quite understand just how it takes the edge of romance! i understand also that he shouldnt be thinking along the lines of if it goes wrong for you both! But the reality is hes been through hell and back before and hes just protecting himself from it again albeit he cant really.
But he could always turn the tables on you and say....if you loved me you wouldnt mind doing it for me! Its a rotten situation to be in but hopefully once married and you can see you are both right for each other (although you should know this before marriage) then the hurt in the past slowly dissapears and he would gladly give you everything and vice versa.
I wish you happiness for the future
Sorry missed the 10 years part! Those ten years whould be taken into account anyway!
I agree with the girls here, it's sad that you are having your trust put to task, because of your partners previous negative experiences.
When I was 26, I had it all 'new and sparkly and wonderful', went on to buy a house, have child, but later divorced first husband in 1999.
The age difference between you, mean you walk into an older life that's run-the-course with someone before you, and you're having to be dealing with issues that aren't appropriate to your age group, or lifes experiences.
I feel sorry for you because I think it's tainting your fresh approach to a marriage, (and what young bride doesn't dream of white-lace and promises!?).
Sadly, love isn't always enough.
On a legal front, if your marriage did go t*ts up you'd be able to have the previous ten years of co-habitation considered, and any contributions you made to his home, your life together considered.