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STBX still taking me for a mug......!

  • Goodtimes1
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26 Jul 12 #345607 by Goodtimes1
Topic started by Goodtimes1
My sbtx and I are divorcing but living together. I cannot believe this is the same man I married... He''s not contributed to the house for the best part of the last year nor does he seem to intend to or care. I find this especially confusing as we have a child and he seems to pride himself on being ''superdad''.

Unbelievably he continues going about his daily life going on dates, the odd day out, regular pub visits, copious amounts of cigs, booze at home...

It took me months to even dare mention it as it''s such a sensitive issue (what a mug) but without success. It wouldn''t have been so bad if he''d at least tried to offer a solution or offered something towards childcare (I work full time, he does not). On my daughters last birthday I spent over £300 on present and party and he didn''t offer me a penny. He has received 2 x sums of 000''s in last 6 months and didn''t offer me a bean. Get this, he recently told me I should pay for everything "because we are still married!!" After he recently went for a particularly expensive day out I asked for help with a school bill and he said "don''t keep asking me for money, you are just trying to apply more pressure on me".... OMG!!!

I can cover the bills but that''s not the point - I can''t believe I am being taken for such a mug. It''s going to be over at some point of course, but how can someone behave like this and think it''s OK!

Shouldn''t there be some provision in final settlement for non payment of contributions either to the house or the child.


  • Papillon6
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26 Jul 12 #345610 by Papillon6
Reply from Papillon6
Hi Goodtimes

Similar situation here, in that we are still living together (nisi issued but can''t resolve issues without going through whole court process). To be fair, he pays the mortgage and the bills tho as I have only recently returned to work full time. I however pay for all the food and general household expenses and all expenses to do with the children (3 teenagers). I have very little social life and very little money goes on me (that''s fine, it suits me, I''m not complaining), he on the other hand, spends a fortune on football season tickets, trips away, holidays and weekends away with the girlfriend, new car, new iphone...etc etc....yet ask him to pay towards the dance school fees or a school trip and all hell breaks out.

Not much help here.....but I do know where you are coming from!


  • confused 101
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26 Jul 12 #345611 by confused 101
Reply from confused 101
Then stop! You sound like I was .... am still in some ways... and we have been seperated for years!

Does he buy his own food? if he doesn''t stop cooking for him until he contributes an apropriate amount - or cooks for you and your child with his money.

Stop washing his clothes till he contributes to the cost of electricity to make the machine work.

As to child care prresent him with half of HIS childs bills, clothing etc ...if he refuses to pay document it, tell him you are, and present it as an amount owed to you on your form E. In future do not invite him to occasions he has not helped fund - he has a chioce - pay up and go with a smile or don''t and keep quiet.

It is very easy just to carry on for the sakes of a quiet life and not "upsetting the children" ... believe me they feel the tension and you are better off dealing with it.

Don''t verbaly ask him for money at all. write up your budget for the house. all the expenses for the house and your child - DO NOT include anything that is only your expense. Tell him that if he doesn''t contribute you will apply tot he CSA for 20% of his income!

Good luck - and remember a door mat gets feet wiped on it because it lies in the way of dirty feet - you do have options as hard (and I do know how hard it is) as they may be to face.

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