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Uncooperative soon to be ex

  • MsM
  • MsM's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
18 Sep 07 #3566 by MsM
Topic started by MsM
My ex and I lived in the marital home after we agreed it was over. We shared the household expenses, as roommates. Four months after we made this agreement, I found another place to buy. Due to all the problems with his mortgage, it took six months before I could move into my new place.

The agreement was as follows: He is responsible for his credit cards and I am responsible for mine. I pay off the car, which was in both our names. The house was mortgaged for £135,000. He brings home around £3200 - £3700 a month while I made (at that time) £1590 a month. The house was worth £185 - 190,000. He would keep all the furnishings, but give me enough to buy my own stuff.

Well, he then said he will take off imaginary estate agent fees from the money he said he would give me. Then, he complained about how much he was giving me and it went down even further. He said if I did not like it, we will sell the house and I would get even less. I could not afford legal advice and took what he gave me. I am now in debt due to everything I had to pay out for my place including the solicitor fees for moving. I received £28,000 and from that I paid for the car, credit card, furniture, solicitor and down payment for my new place.

My ex has now sold the house for £200,000. I asked for us to enter into a Consent Order so we do not have any financial hold over the other and in it, we make an agreement about the arrangements for the dog. We have been sharing ownership of her since I moved out.

I am not asking for any money at all! Just the dog, which he can see at anytime. He refuses to even consider a consent order and said we can just write a letter and file it with the court. My solicitor has tried to get him to agree to a consent order, but he will not answer. He is also moved/moving somewhere else and refuses to give his address. And we are still in the process of a divorce, which is going nowhere.

My ex will not even answer anything in regards to mediation. The only thing to mediate is the dog! If he refuses to enter into an agreement with me, what other remedies are available so I can protect my future assets? I am down to inherit stuff in another country, which are considerable amounts. My ex is so money hungry that I know he would go for it given the first opportunity.

Can anyone give me advice?

  • LittleMrMike
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  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
18 Sep 07 #3569 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
Can you tell me, madam, what stage has your divorce reached ? You can only get a consent order as part of a divorce. Frankly, what you are saying suggests to me that your x2b is (a) greedy (b) unreliable (c) not particularly trustworthy, and I would personally think that your best guess is to take the initiative. I think mediation with a man like this is a waste of time and money. It takes two to tango.

There are strict timetables for ancillary relief and any party who doesn't comply with them is in the sugar. Eventually the Court will probably lose patience and make an order on the basis of what you tell them. I can't see any point in prolonging this. You say you have a solicitor ; what does (s)he say ?

Unfortunately, your case raises an issue about which I have strong feelings ; namely that the law cannot prevent people behaving unreasonably, but it can, and should, penalise people who play ducks and drakes with the system and whose conduct makes it well nigh impossible to achieve a reasonable negotiated settlement. If that conduct has resulted in your having to incur unnecessary legal costs, then he should have to pay. The powers are there already ; it's just a matter of being prepared to use them. End of rant.

I think you MUST protect yourself and you MUST get any possible claims against you dismissed now, sooner the better. Otherwise he'll turn up out of the woodwork if he thinks there's money in it.

Sorry to be so blunt. Good luck.


  • MsM
  • MsM's Avatar Posted by
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18 Sep 07 #3571 by MsM
Reply from MsM
Thanks for your advice. My ex would not give me an answer on filing on the basis of a two year seperation. So, I got a solicitor who advised that I can go for one on unreasonable behaviour. She wrote to him and he objected to those grounds, so she offered filing with mutual consent. He wrote an email to her that he wanted the divorce and signed a letter saying he agrees to the divorce. She has advised me that because we lived in the same house for 10 months after seperating it may be difficult to get the divorce. However, I have the evidence of my bid for my current place, which happened four months after we seperated.

My solicitor prepared the papers for the court and sent them to me. But, now my s2bx says he is withdrawing his consent for the divorce and the papers have not yet been filed! So, that is the stage where I am now. I am not able to afford thousands upon thousands of legal fees and am certain I cannot get legal aid.

My solicitor wrote to my husband about filing a consent order and the grounds. He just sent a 3 line email back to her and refuses to do anything in those regards. So, now I am in the midst of this stuff in regards to finances and with the divorce.

My solicitor just returned from holiday and I have not spoken to her about these new developments.

My husband is very unstable, unreasonable and angry at me because I would not come back to him when he tried after I moved out. This is the basis for the whole thing.

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