Can anyone give me their advice on how to actually start negotiating a settlement?
I am lucky in that our pot is quite full, and my husbands opinion is that I should 'get' only what I need and not a percentage of the pot.
We have been married 10 years and have two children 7 and 3.My youngest has special needs and will need a lot of looking after , mainly by me.
We have lived a very comfortable life and have accumalated a lot of wealth. My husband being very 'old school' says that as he has been the breadwinner that he should keep the largest percentage of the pot.In fact when you look at what he sees fair it equates to only 20% of all assets.
We have FDR in Dec but as he now has a new girlfriend he seems keen to settle sooner rather than later.He says for me to make him an offer but I don't know where to start. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated, thanks
There was a time when your husband might have been right. However, since the landmark House of Lords decision in White v White all that has changed.
Nowadays the Courts tend to regard the contribution of the mother and home-maker as being equal to that of the breadwinner - or, as one judge famously put it, the cock can feather his nest because he doesn't have to spend his time sitting on it.
So therefore, madam, although you don't give any details about your circumstances, I think I can say with some confidence that you're looking at a split somewhere in the region of 50%. The fact that you have dependent children, one of whom has a disability, will only strengthen your case. He does, of course, have to pay child maintenance, and very probably there will be an award of spousal maintenance on top of that. I think your case is quite a strong one, and in view of the fact that there seems to be a fair bit of cash here, I would think it would be well worth your while having an initial appointment with an experienced family lawyer, preferably one who is a member of Resolution or who practises collaborative law. I think your husband's attitude is out of step with the Courts' current approach.
You make him an offer?????
Hmmmm....I would tend to think that him being 'old school' it would be the other way around...
My x2b is of that particular school also, he has offered my a 50/50 split on the sale of the house.... no mention of savings/assets etc - and he thinks he's being generous!!!!!!
You have young children involved - I think you need to talk with a solicitor about 'where to start'....
When I very kindly refused my x2b's 'kind'offer he stated that I hadn't ever paid the mortgage.... but what he fails to recognize is that I have worked 95% of our married life, and whatever I have earned has also gone 'into' the house via furniture, holidays, treats, cars etc.... but I am not sure if any of that is relevant, for as far as I can see..... any division of property/assets is based upon need more than much else..... regardless of who has paid the mortgage/the council tax/the food bill/the utilities bill.
You could argue that because you've spent on furnishings, holidays etc, etc, for the entirity of marriage, he's had extra monies to stash elsewhere!(Because of your generosities). Now, that he's had the holidays, dressede the kids, eaten the food etc; he thinks the remaining investments / finances are now all his!
It all goes in a big 'pot'. The pos is divided. If he retains Pension, shares whatever, you could be awarded a larger slice of the house.
My first divorce, I'd paid all the childcare for 10 yrs, whilst he stashed his pensions.
I agree with the advice Mike's given you. Don't underestimate the future care and educational needs of your child.
Start with the solicitor. Don't let your ex intimidate you!