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help please

  • djtomo74
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03 Oct 07 #4274 by djtomo74
Topic started by djtomo74
:(hi all my wife has asked for a divorce as she does not love me after only 10 weeks of marrage we have a home together thats worth approx 80k i put in arround 15k deposit and fees she put in 0 we have been there a year she is going to move out i wish to keep flat

any advice would help we have no children

  • mike62
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03 Oct 07 #4278 by mike62
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djtomo,

10 weeks is a very short marriage. i don't think that you can even apply for a divorce until you have been married for 12 months.

Generally, it seems that in a short marriage with no children involved, both parties take back what they put in. If you put up the deposit for the flat, and she put up nothing, then that's what she is entitled to. Has she provided any significant income to fund the mortgage since buying the flat? How long were you together before buying the flat a year ago?

As far as your relationship goes, do you believe that she really wants a divorce? Does she feel she has made a 'big mistake'? Is it worth looking at some kind of counseling, like Relate?

It's not a nice time, and the rejection really hurts. Be sure that this is what is right for you both before jumping in with both feet. Best of luck with it

Mike

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04 Oct 07 #4308 by djtomo74
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we where together for three years she wont go for counseling as she says if you have try at a relationship it dosent work and that she only loves me as a friend

we are going to get the house valued and i will pay her half the equity made since we lived there i think this is fair

i feel rejected aand need some counceling as am finding it hard to cope im in newcastle any advice ? thanks for your time

  • mike62
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04 Oct 07 #4311 by mike62
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Loves you as a friend? So why marry your friend? She was very foolish to allow the marriage to go ahead. It is not fair to play with people's emotions.

I am sure you are feeling devastated, but better to find out now, than to find out later, after a long period of unhappiness. I get the impression that you are young enough to make a fresh start, and to find someone else that deserves you.

Relate, the marriage guidance service, is not just for couples to attend together. You could go yourself and I think that at the moment, you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling. Friends and family are a good source of support, they know you and the impact that this has on you. Make an appointment with our GP and see if they can refer you for some counseling.

Look around on this site, read some of the postings and blogs that people have written, and you will very soon see that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

It is a horrible feeling, that you are not wanted. Right now, you feel terrible, but you will feel better. Time is a great healer. Right now, the emotions are raw, and I am sure that you are having huge mood swings. That is quite normal and you will continue to feel that way for a little while. But gradually, they begin to subside and you start to see a way forward.

Personally, I found that writing my feelings down helped me to get some of the demons out. I can look back now at what I wrote 2 months ago and see that i have moved on. Everyone is different, and you will find your way of dealing with this.

It is not an easy time, but I found this site and the people here so supportive, that it has made it much easier to deal with.

Good luck, and start thinking about you and your new life, and how it is going to be.

Take care

Mike

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