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I want to divorce.

  • Valery
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09 Oct 07 #4537 by Valery
Reply from Valery
Fiona wrote:

Valery, obviously I don' know the full story, but it occurs to me that his working hours, lack of sex and your acceptance all indicate communication problems . If you still think he's a nice guy, wouldn't it be worth trying to resolve them and getting back on track?

Oh yes, we have discussed it before. Normally, he says he can see that the marriage is not working. I must admit, I wear the trouses in our relationship. And I DO want it to work! The issue is that I can no longer do it and even cope with it! I am the only one to bring the problems/issues/potential causes, etc on surface. He is a kind of person who prefers to stay away from the problems and issues. He'd rather not see them. He'd rather carry on the way things are. He'd always add 'hopefully' to anything he says. There is no determination in his words or actions. That is why, unfortunaly, I have decided that enough is enough. And that is why it is so difficult to find a ground/reason to get out. He is a nice guy, everyone thinks so. He is a nice person, who is happy with the way our marriage is at the moment. I tried to just walk out (silly I know) and leave him and all we had together behind; to start from scratch. He stopped me, begging for another chance. I did not try to leave him once, or even twice. I now want to do it 'by the book'. Dont know how tho! Have read articles, books, legislations..Havent found a similar situation to mine. How do people leave nice partners?! Is it possible to expliain my particular situation and use it as a ground for divorce?! How would I call it? Faling out of love? Having had enough? Dont know. He has said on several occasions he still loves me. But it is not enough, is it? Do you agree?

  • Fiona
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09 Oct 07 #4538 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
I was thinking more along the lines of outside help such as relationship counseling, GP or assertiveness training.

No matter, if you've made up your mind to divorce I would suggest you buy a copy of the Which? guide to divorce as a starting point. You could download a petition from this site somewhere and try sitting around the table, discuss who will divorce whom and see if you can agree some unreasonable behaviour grounds between you. Or you could make a Separation Agreement and wait two years and divorce with consent or 5 years and divorce without consent.

Some people exaggerate the things that annoy them about their spouse and make it sound like unreasonable behaviour. There is no such thing as a 'nice' divorce. The usual advice is to stay put until you have agreed a settlement between you, but I think you can expect your husband to need some time to come to terms with the fact divorce is actually happening.

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