What I mean in take him to the cleaners, which I should have explained myself clearer is that I have heard that as we have a baby, he should be paying maintenance plus a roof over the top of our heads, whether this be him paying 50% of the mortgage or 100%. I understand he would have to pay for a roof over heads if I don't go back to work, but I do intend to go back work, otherwise every day I will just be thinking what if, etc and get depressed, which I've got to be strong for my lovely daughter.
My friends and family have said I should get all I can because of his behaviour. He said he rushed into marriage; we were together for 3years before getting engaged and engaged for 4 1/2 years before getting married! He stopped loving me some time ago. He said he only had a baby to bring us closer together, but it didn't. We were trying for a baby 6mths after we got married, which I did get pregnant first time but lost it. This of course, wasn't the unreasonable behaviour. He had a binge drink problem (he was like this before we got together but got worse the past year whilst I was pregnant) and didn't treat me with respect and wanted a single life, not committed for a family but I won't say anymore as it's quite personal (and drugs, but not saying he is a "druggie"). Of course I'm deeply hurt from his comment about his reasons for a family. I'm the one that will have the sleepness nights from teething, etc.
We are both young, I'm 31 and he is 34. I can earn between £6,000 - £17,000 part-time/full time. He earns £30,000 with a potential of £47,000 after he has completed his probation period.
I think the easiest option in respect of time, money and emotions would be to sell & I get all of the equity but my parents feel that he is rushing me too much so he can get rid of me. If I did sell, I could pay my own solicitors fees, sell my car & get a cheaper one & start a new life. I have put all of my figures and available options to my solicitor and awaiting to hear back. Re legal aid. I did this at the beginning. The divorce petition
went to the court but was returned because their rules and requirements for legal aid has changed from 01/10/07. I'm very good with paperwork but where I have a young baby to care for, my parents agreed to pay as it makes my life alot easier and quicker. I cannot buy him out. If I stay at the house, I'm relying on his maintenance and benefits to keep me there, but we all rely on our jobs to keep a roof over our heads. His maintenance and child tax/working tax credit can be used aswell as my salary for buying a property on my own. Re savings, we don't have any, he wasn't very good with saving, but we did have some savings up until the end of my pregnancy, which we had to use on the house. Re pension, he hasn't one, I have, group personal pension with work. Solicitor said to keep paying into this. As a pension is not being paid to me, he won't be entitled to it (I'm confused by this one).
We have tried to reconcile a couple of times since our separation (with me doing all of the running) and I even moved back with daughter living separatley but this didn't work as I was being intimidated. Sol advd me to stay & poss get an occupation order but I decided to stay with my parents on a temp basis.
I know what I have asked my solicitor needs to answer, but I'm just waiting and thought I could get some advice on here in the interim. What my husband would like is for us to sell right now, but I've told him the solicitor will need to advise me and agree on this. My husband has a very bad habit of just thinking for himself, it's all him, him, him.
If we didn't have a baby involved, I would without a doubt sell the house and split the equity 50/50, but with children involved, you have to put them first, so sorry if my message came across wrong to anyone. I've got to give her the best in life she can possibly receive.