Sell the house or take if further?

Hi,

Been married 3 and a half years and I'm divorcing my husband. Have been separated since 05/08/07 and we have a 4 and a half month old daughter who is living with me at my parents. We have a house together, joint mortgage, which he is living there, paying the bills and mortgage. It's so nice he has the run of a 3 bed house (small) and I'm living with my parents. Divorcing him under unreasonable behaviour.

He suggested selling the house 70/30 equity in my favour, which I declined. He then suggested selling and I take all of the equity, which will be about £70,000. He wants to stay on the property ladder and said I could go into Housing Association! I'm currently on maternity leave and plan to return to work mid Jan part time. I declined mediation as I feel he will get the better out of it.

My parents think I should take him for the house but with him paying some or all of the mortgage until our Daughter is 18. I cannot afford to live there on a part time salary plus benefits. If I worked full time, I could just manage it, but why should I slog my guts off when all he will be paying just £302 maintenance a month. He did suggest paying an extra £100 per month.

If I did take all of the equity and work part time, I could get a 2 bed property, especially if the house prices fall once we have sold, as I have heard this.

The easiest option is to accept selling the house and I have all of the equity, but do you know how long it would take if I wanted to take him to the "cleaners". Of course, if I opted for the latter, this would increase solicitors costs and I don't know how long this would take (was legal aid but now parents are paying). I just want a place of my own with my daughter and to try and get further before I return to work mid Jan 08. If I accepted selling the house, does the courts have to agree this?

Also, what does a chargeback on the property mean (meaning husband to have this on the property)?

I'm so confused of which way to go. All of this is going over my head.

Sparky
With respect, why would you want to "take him to the cleaners"?

He has offered all the equity in the house which seems very reasonable given the figures you have posted. Obviously there may be other assets which could be taken in consideration, savings, pensions,etc plus you havent posted detail about his and your salary. All this would give a more complete picture of the situation.

He is also liable for maintenance for your child regadless of anything else.

I dont like to hear of anyone being taken to the cleaners but then I dont know the full story.

Tinny

Hi

It doesnt matter what the story is Tinny if someone wants to take someone to the "cleaners"! Then there is nothing the other party can do! ONE WORD OF ADVICE THOUGH IS BE VERY VERY CAREFUL THAT YOU DO NOT CUT YOUR NOSE OFF, TO SPITE YOUR FACE SPARKY!

You could end up with alot more than you bargained for!

As far as i am concerned this website is for helping people through their difficulties not giving advice on how to take someone to the cleaners, whilst I totally understand one person can feel very very hurt by another persons actions, to fight that person through the courts for every single penny hurts no one but yourself and causes misery for both parties.

I for one will not offer you any kind of advice with the post you have written, if and when you decide to be reasonable in your requests and post all the facts. Such as what YOU earn, why you no longer receive legal aid, his earnings ect then and only then would i be prepared to help and advise you.

I can undertsnad you are feeling very hurt at the moment for reasons only you know about. But there are always two sides to every story.
The only place you are going to get any sort of help with the frame of mind you are in is a Solicitor, who wishes to relieve you of any money you may have! Some thrive on an argument whther that arguement is right or wrong!

Heres hoping you can come back and be reasonable in your requests, it seems to me your ex is being VERY reasonable.

Best wishes!
Melissa

As tinny said

With respect, why would you want to "take him to the cleaners"?

Makes myself for one shake my head:huh:

We dont know both sides of the story but I would also say that whats on offer is very reasoable, with maintenance and wise long term investment of your share of the assets you should be quite ok + with going back to work.

You can both draw to answers with the help of a mediator which will cut your cost immensely as long as you both drop the "why should I" way of thinking, once the settlement figure is sorted out it can be presented to the court for the final settlement, the judge will read it and if its considered a fare split will sign it and your both free of each other.

What I mean in take him to the cleaners, which I should have explained myself clearer is that I have heard that as we have a baby, he should be paying maintenance plus a roof over the top of our heads, whether this be him paying 50% of the mortgage or 100%. I understand he would have to pay for a roof over heads if I don't go back to work, but I do intend to go back work, otherwise every day I will just be thinking what if, etc and get depressed, which I've got to be strong for my lovely daughter.

My friends and family have said I should get all I can because of his behaviour. He said he rushed into marriage; we were together for 3years before getting engaged and engaged for 4 1/2 years before getting married! He stopped loving me some time ago. He said he only had a baby to bring us closer together, but it didn't. We were trying for a baby 6mths after we got married, which I did get pregnant first time but lost it. This of course, wasn't the unreasonable behaviour. He had a binge drink problem (he was like this before we got together but got worse the past year whilst I was pregnant) and didn't treat me with respect and wanted a single life, not committed for a family but I won't say anymore as it's quite personal (and drugs, but not saying he is a "druggie"). Of course I'm deeply hurt from his comment about his reasons for a family. I'm the one that will have the sleepness nights from teething, etc.

We are both young, I'm 31 and he is 34. I can earn between £6,000 - £17,000 part-time/full time. He earns £30,000 with a potential of £47,000 after he has completed his probation period.

I think the easiest option in respect of time, money and emotions would be to sell & I get all of the equity but my parents feel that he is rushing me too much so he can get rid of me. If I did sell, I could pay my own solicitors fees, sell my car & get a cheaper one & start a new life. I have put all of my figures and available options to my solicitor and awaiting to hear back. Re legal aid. I did this at the beginning. The divorce petition went to the court but was returned because their rules and requirements for legal aid has changed from 01/10/07. I'm very good with paperwork but where I have a young baby to care for, my parents agreed to pay as it makes my life alot easier and quicker. I cannot buy him out. If I stay at the house, I'm relying on his maintenance and benefits to keep me there, but we all rely on our jobs to keep a roof over our heads. His maintenance and child tax/working tax credit can be used aswell as my salary for buying a property on my own. Re savings, we don't have any, he wasn't very good with saving, but we did have some savings up until the end of my pregnancy, which we had to use on the house. Re pension, he hasn't one, I have, group personal pension with work. Solicitor said to keep paying into this. As a pension is not being paid to me, he won't be entitled to it (I'm confused by this one).

We have tried to reconcile a couple of times since our separation (with me doing all of the running) and I even moved back with daughter living separatley but this didn't work as I was being intimidated. Sol advd me to stay & poss get an occupation order but I decided to stay with my parents on a temp basis.

I know what I have asked my solicitor needs to answer, but I'm just waiting and thought I could get some advice on here in the interim. What my husband would like is for us to sell right now, but I've told him the solicitor will need to advise me and agree on this. My husband has a very bad habit of just thinking for himself, it's all him, him, him.

If we didn't have a baby involved, I would without a doubt sell the house and split the equity 50/50, but with children involved, you have to put them first, so sorry if my message came across wrong to anyone. I've got to give her the best in life she can possibly receive.

Thanks

Ok Sparky, from what you say he is unreasonable but I still don't think it is "reasonable" for you to "take him to the cleaners".

Yes, you have and indeed he has to make provision for your daughter (child maintenance CM). That will be based on his salary.

100% equity from the family home is great, and if there are no other assets what more can he give you? Someone else here could offer advice on whether you may be entitled to spousal maintenance (SM - to support you).

You may be better off without him and if you ask for reasonable advice here there are reasonable people who will offer it. I just wouldnt go back to "taking him to the cleaners". There are too many people here who have been hurt emotionally and financially by this attitude.

Tinny

Hi Sparky,

Hope you are well and not too stressed. Read your post all i can say is respect to you for thinking of your children first, and trying to do whats best for yourself and your children.

As you have a child i am sure the courts will look into the fact that you are at temporary accommdation, and that you and your chid will need accomadation.

I ve heard of Spousal maintenace also and am curently lookig into this, anything i find out i let you know.

I have just separated from my husband and this is my first post as a reply.