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stay put, sell or get bought out???

  • gilly30
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16 Oct 07 #4759 by gilly30
Topic started by gilly30
We are going to our first mediation session next week. Our main issue is the house. There are 3 options:
1) I stay in house with our boys (3&5) and take on mortgage (which I can afford to do). When house finally gets sold he gets percentage of it.
2) Sell the house
3) He bus me out and I find somewhere else to live with the boys.

At first I was adamant I wanted to stay in the house, thought it would be better for the boys. i am now not really sure if I want to stay there This last week I have been thinking that I just want to get out and start a fresh somewhere new.

The house is valued at 250k, the mortgage is 91k. He hase said he could afford to buy me out giving me 100k. does this sound reasonable?

He has refused the first 2 options as he says he won't be able to afford to buy a new property around here and will have to move back to his parents. He is in the forces so there is no way that he will be homeless. The only problem with him doing that would be that he wouldn't be able to have the boys over to stay.

Any help/advice would be appreciated.


  • Tinny
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16 Oct 07 #4764 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Hi Gilly
If my maths is correct if he gives you £100 k this equates to 62% ish. That along with the fact that he needs to have somewhere that he can have the boys overnight sounds reasonable.

But I'm not a financial advisor and I would have thought there would be other figures to put into the equation. Maybe not.

A fresh start might be a good idea as long as you can afford somewhere suitable with the 100k. You will have your boys with you and they would be content going back to somewhere they know when he has them. The house would be "your" house and would have no emotional link with your Ex - that sounds good to me. "Your" home.

Hope others can shed more light on this for you.


  • LittleMrMike
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16 Oct 07 #4766 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
As Shakespeare wrote, " Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediment ". You seem to be approaching the matter in a mature way and trying to resolve matters by agreement. Going to mediation is, in my opinion, a good idea, but there is something to be said for taking legal advice so that you can evaluate any proposals that emerge during the course of the mediation.

The first option is one that is often employed and I think there is a reasonable chance that this is the course of action a Court would go for if it came to a contested hearing. If your husband is a serviceman, then accommodation should not be a problem and I feel this would be a factor which would tell in your favour. The likelihood is that the eventual division would be more than 50% in your favour, it normally is.

The option of sale relieves you from the mortgage, leaves you both with money in the bank and you can look for a new house of your own to suit the needs of yourself and the children. You do, however, need to agree how the purchase money is divided, for obvious reasons. You will know your own mortgage capability, and how much you would need to buy the house you want. In your position I would ask for more than 50%, because, quite frankly, I think your share with option 1 would exceed 50%, and also because if he is a serviceman, then money in the bank is a bonus for him, but you need it to put a roof over your head. So he is getting his share quite a bit earlier than he might otherwise have done and it would really be quite a good deal for him, I think.

There is one point you must bear in mind with the buyout option - namely that you are relieved by the lender from further liability under the mortgage. That depends on your husband's circumstances. Otherwise you won't get a mortgage on your own account. £100K is, on my calculation, 62.5% of the equity, and that is - well, not too far out, and worth considering. The point is, that the ideal is that you can come to an agreement which suits you both. I can't and will not, dictate to you how you run your life !

Mike 100468

  • Autumn
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16 Oct 07 #4773 by Autumn
Reply from Autumn
During mediation you will both do financial disclosure and get to look at all possibilities for dividing assets. The mediator will guide you as to what is fair and you and ex2b will decide what is right for you.

Once your agreements are drawn up the mediator will advice you to make it legal, you then can take it to your solicitor and get it checked over.

Only you know what is right for you and your children. I can understand you wanting a fresh start in a new house and that might be something exciting for the children too.

Take care


  • TMax
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16 Oct 07 #4776 by TMax
Reply from TMax
Hi gilly

Im retired from the forces and I can tell you that your X can get furnished housing enableing him to see his children, how and where of course depends on where he is based and his unit, unit mainly as some dont give a fig for married people and there problems but SSAFA may help him to find a place he can have the kids, at a nominal cost of course :-)I have known soldiers living out single and kids visiting so he wont be confined to barracks, unless of course he ruins it for himself by drinking and causing problems in the house. But if he lives in the mess then he can also book rooms my mess did again at a cost and depending on the units attitude.

Not forgetting of course if he is a career man then he will get a good pension depening on how long served. you are entitled to a share of his commutable pension and I think a 1/3 of his pension after but dont quote me its not that far off that Im sure of. there is of couse HMF rules of pensions that are a pain to go through but he can use loop holes for his own gains.

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