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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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what do i do?

  • dorian
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16 Oct 07 #4797 by dorian
Topic started by dorian
5 weeks ago my x2b dropped the bombshell and told me he was no longer able to live with me and wanted out, leaving me and our 2 children 12 and 13.
However he can't afford to move out as we have a big mortgage. He wants to sell our home to release himself from the payments.
I want to stay in the town we are living in as my son attends the local secondary school and my daughter will next year...why should they be forced to move school?
Problem is that house prices are high here....can I ask for all the proceeds from the sale of the house to ensure that I can buy a house for the three of us in the town we want to live in?

  • lilybet
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16 Oct 07 #4798 by lilybet
Reply from lilybet
you do not have to accept his proposal to sell the house,normally the parent who is the "care giver",remains in the home and would do so untill chrildren are finished school/college,usually 18 yrs of age.you do not have to jump to any decisions yet,but arm yourself with plenty of advise.

  • Autumn
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16 Oct 07 #4800 by Autumn
Reply from Autumn
Find a good family solicitor that offers a free or reduced rate 30mins and get some advice.

I am in a similar situation to you, my ex2b wants out of our marriage leaving me with our two children. We are selling the marital home and buying a smaller one in same town. He will be renting a property once we have sold.

We are going through mediation at the moment in order to sort our how the house we buy will be divided.

Whatever percentage he gets will only come to him once my youngest is 18 or I remarry. Once this happens I will have to buy him out or sell the house and give him his percentage.

Hope this is of some help


  • dorian
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16 Oct 07 #4803 by dorian
Reply from dorian
thank you so much for replying, i feel so alone and out of my depth he has been through this before (more fool me) so he knows what's what. I just do not want to be taken for a mug and at the end of the day my children come first. Ilso need to know about claiming some of his police pension, which is one of the best this lousy country has to offer....surely I owe myself something...I gave up a full time job, a part time job and three homes for him so he could follow his career path...what a mug I was.:angry

  • TMax
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17 Oct 07 #4807 by TMax
Reply from TMax
As far as I know the police like HMF can take part of the pension as a lump sum this you are entitled to a good share of.
Also I think 1/3 of the rest the pension when paid to him. or what ever figure the pension people say its worth your sol will find that out for you. he can put a delaying tactic on it, but in the end it will be paid to him he cant stop it :-)
As for the house well pensions, savings, shares and house are all put into the pot and as a rough figure the parent who has the kids could get up to a 70/30 share of that pot in thier favour. there are others on here who may be able to bring more light onto the subject for you.

  • Autumn
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17 Oct 07 #4810 by Autumn
Reply from Autumn
Hi allen

Do you think your ex2b might be agreeable to mediation? It is much cheaper than going through solicitors.

As well as the house, the mediator will also look at pensions and a fair agreement is worked out, this has to be agreeable to both parties.

One thing is for sure, he cannot leave you and your children with nothing and courts always put children first.

Think about yourself during this difficult time, you will be happy again, and almost certainly better off without the low life!

take care


  • Louise11
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17 Oct 07 #4826 by Louise11
Reply from Louise11
Hi Allen

Whoa! stop lets take this one step at a time!

You need to post how long you have been married for a start off!

But let me get one thing straight before you go down the path of expensive lawyers.

Skyelord is talking about a pension attachment order and this is something you DEFINATELY dont want! Its not advisable as you have to rely on when he wants to retire. Although it is inevitable that he will receive it, you are reliant on him. It also means if he died you would'nt receive anything.
What you need is a pension share! So you can have a pension in your own right, basically whatever share you receive goes into your own pot but you cant receive it till you are age 60.
Now this is where the fun begins..............
If you have enough assets between you, then you
have enough bargaining power to ask for more of the assets and get a Clean Break order!
What I would say to you though is this........when you see how much his pension CETV is worth, where solicitors are concerned its mega pound signs, DO NOT BE FOOLED into thinking this is cash value! Because it is not! Everyone thinks that OH! hes a police officer you will get loads, cus he will do anything to protect his pension. Dont forget he also pays 11% of his wages towards it! (I dont think people realise just how much they pay towards it!)
The main concern in the eyes of the courts is that the children have a roof over their heads. They couldnt care less who has done what to the other. Now all this 50/50 70/30 90/10 is ok but the courts do what they think is fair and it may turn out that what you think is fair is not what they think is fair, so its all about what YOU think is fair that is key to all this. It is much better to sort this out yourself than be ordered to!
I know of one Police Officer who gave his wife the house and he kept his pension and the Judge said "was he sure because he felt the Officer was being too generous in giving up the house for his pension. So be careful.
What will happen is this..................
The house will be valued, the pension fund will be valued (be aware that a solicitor will advise you to have an acturies report done on it, they will inflate the CETV, because you will lose certain benefits from it ect. it doesnt matter what they say though at the end of the day its what the government say it is worth. So the actuarie could put a value on it of say 1million quid, but you will only get a percentage of it! In other words say you are awarded 50%, the award will be 50% of what the Police say the CETV value is. So be careful as far as expert reports are concerned they cost in the region of £500 plus vat!

Im sorry i have to go out now, but i will come back to this one and i think there is enough for you to try and read and get your head round anyway at the mo.

Will finish post asap. (sorry)
Kind ones

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