Advice or Help on Financial Matters

Hi all,

First time I've posted anything on here and I really hope someone can help me.

My divorce is now at the Decree Nisi stage and thankfully no solicitor has been involved yet. When my soon to 2be ex wife first asked for a divorce we managed to sit down and talk about the finances togther and actually drew up a contract between ourselves saying how much each other would get etc. I recently have been advised that this would not be worth the paper it is written on, so I went and got some legal advice, which she has done too.

Unfortunatley things are not going as well as they were between both parties and as we are both still living in the marital home things can get a bit heated, and I have just recieved a letter from her sol saying that I am creating a hostile envoronment.

Could anyone advise me, if I leave the marital home, and the morgate is in both names, am I responsible for paying it all taking into account she earns nearly as much as i do. And also what bills do I have to pay.

We have 2 children aged 8 and 11.

Hi Yorkieman

Are you the respondant or the petitioner in the divorce?

As I understand it you are both liable for the mortgage as it's in joint names. The mortgage provider isn't interested in where or who the money comes from so technically you are responsible for 100%!! Perhaps you can come to an agreement with your spouse on how the mortgage payment is divided fairly?

My partner left the marital home four years ago and is still paying 100% of the mortgage. He's the respondant in the proceedings and his soon to be ex has just started ancillary relief proceedings - my partner is hoping for release from the existing mortgage plus 40% equity towards new home... his soon to be ex has requested the house be given to her, he keeps responsibility for the mortgage, plus he pays child maintenance & spousal maintenance!!

One of the main reasons he's continued paying is that once this nightmare is over he wishes to purchase a home of his own - this could prove difficult if his credit rating is affected by debts on the FMH... so the ex has stretched this process out for as long as possible knowing she's got him by the short & curly's!!

Be careful!

Hi Yorkieman,

I am no legal beagle so what I tell you is from the heart and hopefully has some common sense attached which most of us on this forum has found goes right out of the window when solicitors become involved. So this is not legal advice.

Many would advise you that it would be so much better for the children if you were to leave to allow them to live in a more peaceful environment in an ideal world I would agree with that.

However there is another side to this. It doesn't have to be like that. First and foremost the minute you walk out of the door you are giving up your rights to your home and possibly your children because ex’s suddenly seem to go into this emotional blackmail mode using the children as their lever to get what they want! Also, you will have to start all over again to put a roof over your own head probably an expense you could do without.

Of course her solicitor will send you letters like this. They want you out because it makes it so much easier for them to start making demands on her behalf. The more they can put you against each other and put the fear of god in you with their ridiculous demands the more you will feel inclined to back down and just sign it all over.

You say it all started off well and it doesn't surprise me one little bit that it has now started to go badly wrong since you both took legal advice. Please don't get me wrong there are good and there are bad solicitors the problems is how do we know who is who?

I suppose what I am trying to say Yorkie is can’t you get your talks back on track and dump the legal route before it all gets out of hand? Can you not go to mediation? This would help you to stay under the same roof whilst getting a much fairer deal sorted out. It CAN work and you proved you have managed to get as far as the Nisi stage. This is all about give and take and fairness and only you two can work out what you feel is fair...why give it to solicitors to fight it out at extortionate cost not just financially but emotionally to you both?

Mediation is much cheaper, things can be dealt with much more realistically and fairly and you may find that you could part from all of this whilst still remaining friends? Well, we can all dream eh?? But it has been known!!

My OBE was advised not to leave his marital home. Admittedly there were no dependant children but even so he realizes now if he’d have stayed she would have been desperate to sell and split the house more amicably or even found a way to buy out his share just to get him out!!! (Method in my reasoning eh?) As it happened he left but continued to pay the mortgage because he felt that was the right thing to do for her and to hold his interest in the property. Actually all it did was to give her more rights to keep the house!!!! Crazy eh? It reduced his rights beyond belief!!

Only you know in your heart whether you can stay or whether you should go. I personally, knowing what I know now would stay if in your shoes but its your call and I wish you all the luck.

OBEs 1

My soon ex to b and myself are both still living in marital home,at stage of swopping E forms in next few weeks.It has been difficult but once ground rules laid down,who pays for what,and allocated areas in the house as "safe" areas it's working out now.The first few weeks of intimidating behaviour from my sx2b was hell but weve reached agreement with sol's help and now are coping being in same house.we dont discuss the divorce at all,because that's what causes the aggressive behaviour in my sx2b,as soon as I compromised and paid half the utilities bill monthly he backed off.obviously not everyone can do this but in my situation it has helped defuse the situation.neither of us could afford to move out so we both stayed put but whenever I need to be alone I have my own space( bedroom) where he is not allowed to enter.basically we live seperate lives under same roof.we do nothing together or for each other at all.

Yorkieman wrote:

and I have just recieved a letter from her sol saying that I am creating a hostile envoronment.

It doesn't surprise me that a couple civily doing the right thing, suddenly changes course once sols involved! I had the same letter! I know there are very good sols, but a lot just interfere and cause havoc, suggesting hostile environments, which will probably result in a Non-Mol or Conduct order against you, (which is what my ex has been talked into doing!

Before his sols 'advice'; my ex sat down and talked settlement. He also offered me teas, coffees etc;. Things were awkward, strained only because of the threat of divorce, then he goes to sol, and I'm this aweful woman that is making him ill, to the point he needs me out of the house!

Just tread carefully. Mine set about 'case building'.

Opt for Mediation (your sol can advise). Attend with your wife, and go back to amicably sorting the issues.

I also have the 'safe' rooms. We signed an agreement at Court. designated bedrooms.