Hi Yorkieman,
I am no legal beagle so what I tell you is from the heart and hopefully has some common sense attached which most of us on this forum has found goes right out of the window when solicitors become involved. So this is not legal advice.
Many would advise you that it would be so much better for the children if you were to leave to allow them to live in a more peaceful environment in an ideal world I would agree with that.
However there is another side to this. It doesn't have to be like that. First and foremost the minute you walk out of the door you are giving up your rights to your home and possibly your children because ex’s suddenly seem to go into this emotional blackmail mode using the children as their lever to get what they want! Also, you will have to start all over again to put a roof over your own head probably an expense you could do without.
Of course her solicitor will send you letters like this. They want you out because it makes it so much easier for them to start making demands on her behalf. The more they can put you against each other and put the fear of god in you with their ridiculous demands the more you will feel inclined to back down and just sign it all over.
You say it all started off well and it doesn't surprise me one little bit that it has now started to go badly wrong since you both took legal advice. Please don't get me wrong there are good and there are bad solicitors the problems is how do we know who is who?
I suppose what I am trying to say Yorkie is can’t you get your talks back on track and dump the legal route before it all gets out of hand? Can you not go to
mediation? This would help you to stay under the same roof whilst getting a much fairer deal sorted out. It CAN work and you proved you have managed to get as far as the Nisi stage. This is all about give and take and fairness and only you two can work out what you feel is fair...why give it to solicitors to fight it out at extortionate cost not just financially but emotionally to you both?
mediation is much cheaper, things can be dealt with much more realistically and fairly and you may find that you could part from all of this whilst still remaining friends? Well, we can all dream eh?? But it has been known!!
My OBE was advised not to leave his
marital home. Admittedly there were no dependant children but even so he realizes now if he’d have stayed she would have been desperate to sell and split the house more amicably or even found a way to buy out his share just to get him out!!! (Method in my reasoning eh?) As it happened he left but continued to pay the mortgage because he felt that was the right thing to do for her and to hold his interest in the property. Actually all it did was to give her more rights to keep the house!!!! Crazy eh? It reduced his rights beyond belief!!
Only you know in your heart whether you can stay or whether you should go. I personally, knowing what I know now would stay if in your shoes but its your call and I wish you all the luck.
OBEs 1