Very Worried. Can you advise me on what to do?

Hello everyone

I am new here, I have just joined today.

My husband has been seeing another woman from work and came home last Friday and told me that he didn't love me any more and wanted to separate - heartbreaking as I thought everything was fine.

Anyway, we have been trying to be amicable and we both have to live in the same house whilst we sell the car to enable us to buy two and sort out possessions, etc.

But its all turning a bit frosty now and I wondered what a) my rights were and b) everyones advice would be on my situation.

My husband bought the house with his ex fiance, she left him and he re-mortgaged to buy her out of the property (all before my time I will add). When we got married, instead of adding my name to the mortgage, we just left it in his name, even though we moved mortgage lenders a little while ago when he got a new job with a bank.

Can someone tell me what my rights are now he has announced that he wants to separate and would like me to move out.

At the moment we are in separate bedrooms and are trying to be civil to each other, but its hard and I do not wish to drag this out. Therefore, am I entitled to anything from the house or do I just have to leave everything and move out.

Many thanks for any advice you might be able to give me.

Fluffy.

Hi Fluufy
First of all sorry you are here under your current circumstances.

I think you need to give a bit more detail.
How long have you been married?
Have you any children and if so what ages?
What is the value of the marital home and what mortgage is outstanding?
How much does your husband earn?
How much do you earn?
Etc

With a bit more information it would be easier to give opinions on what might happen.

Take care
Tinny

Hi Tinny

Of course, really sorry for the lack of information, I'm still not thinking properly at the moment.

Married for 3.5 years - married in May 2004
No children
Home currently worth about £170k - he re-mortgaged to buy his ex out (it was in joint names), therefore the equity in the house will only be about £25k I believe.
Husband is a bank manager and earns £27 basic per year (£30 including bonuses)
I earn £19k per year.

About 8 years ago, well before I met and married my husband, I purchased an ex council house jointly with my mum. ie. both my and my mums names are on the deeds. My mum lives in the property and pays the bills etc, I just pay the mortgage on the house.
My husband has never paid anything or done anything for the house, he just went to visit mum a few times with me. The house is in my and my mums names - could he try to claim half of that house from me?

Sorry if I miss any important information off - just ask and I'll willingly give it.

Thank you so much for your help.

Fluffy

Fluffy
Shock....I always thought bank managers earned more than that, not that it is a bad salary but just thought they would get more!

Anyway,I hope someone jumps in with really expert knowledge and correct me if I'm wrong. I thinkthis would be seen as a short marriage. If so you might just take out of it what you put in, therefore he keeps his house and you keep your share of your mum's. There isnt a great deal of equity anyway and if it came down to a fight it wouldnt be worth the legal fees.

I forgot to ask your ages. I'm assuming you're young enough to start again, in which case I'm glad that this happened to you now after 3 1/2 years rather than 20 years. Although it is a very difficult time for you (understatement you say) it will be easier to sort now especially as there are no children involved.

Keep asking questions on here because there are people who know a lot lot more than me. Hopefully I havent given completly wrong information, if so I stand corrected.

Take care
Tinny

Fluffy,
Generally if it is a short marriage, and yours is fairly short, you individually take away what you put in. So in your case, he keeps his house, you keep your house. There are no children involved, you both have an independent income, so the need for any kind of maintenance is presumably limited.

If you are doing things amicably, then it can be as simple as that.

Others may give you better advice on specifics.

Good luck

Mike

Thank you both very much for you very candid answers.

Unfortunately in the 3.5 years we were married he ran up a lot of debt on credit cards (he was always buying new gadgets, PS3, xbox 360, plasma, surround sound system, the list goes on and now there is about £10k on the credit cards which needs to be paid off.

We are going to have to sell almost all of the gadgets he's purchased in order to pay the cc's, do you think this is feasible?

All of these are items he purchaed whilst we were together.

By the way, yes we are fairly young - I am 31 and he is 32.

Thank you once again for your help, it really is appreciated.

The debts are a joint liability. Selling the goods is only going to get you 30 - 40p in the £ - Sadly consumer electronics doesn't hold it's value second hand. Is there any chance of you re-mortgaging your house to get your £5k contribution? Better to clear the credit card debt as soon as possible. Interest just keeps on accumulating. Once you pay your bit, its up to him to sort his bit out.

Debt a tough issue to deal with, especially on top of your relationship breaking down, but honestly, the sooner that you can get that millstone from around your neck, the better.

Best of luck with it
Mike